Author Archives: discostup

Draft Review Podcasts





The links above are to the first two parts of the Draft Review podcast, done by Iwan and I.  I say “first two” parts in anticipation of a third podcast: we’ll see if that ever comes to fruition with everyone out of town for the weekend.  The first part covers a quick recap of best weekend ever (including commentary on The Expendables 2) as well as a discussion of holdovers.  It lasts about 32 minutes.  The second podcast is over an hour, covering a breakdown of all the teams from worst to best according to the Commish Rankings.  Problem is, technical trouble struck as we were discussing the number 2 team, where we were cut off and it got too late to keep going.  So, for the number 2 team, there is about a minute of commentary, and then we’re done.  The number one team in our (my) ranks?  Not a word.  Tough to be at the top I suppose.  Anyway, I figure I’d post what we got before I take off for the weekend.  Enjoy!



Division Names Revealed!

It gives the Commish great pleasure to reveal the Division Names for the 2012 MLOM season, our 14th consecutive action-packed slugfest.   All action, all the time – that’s why this year’s division battle will consist of the clash of the iron wills (and iron bodies) of legendary action stars Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone!

Symbolic kings of the action movie genre, we bring this battle right here to MLOM.  And don’t forget their top lieutenants, Norris, Seagal, Van Damme, and all the rest.

Which will be king?   Let the season decide!

Preliminary Auction Values

Auction values for holdovers, as of today.  (Final list to be formalized closer to draft time.) 

Arian Foster Hou RB $69 0/0 0 0 310 1459 12 63 730 2 276
Aaron Rodgers GB QB $68 348/501 4512 43 50 216 4 0 0 0 426
Ray Rice Bal RB $67 0/0 0 0 282 1317 11 74 679 3 270
Tom Brady NE QB $55 383/590 4924 40 32 167 2 0 0 0 385
Drew Brees NO QB $53 430/614 4921 41 20 50 2 0 0 0 378
LeSean McCoy Phi RB $53 0/0 0 0 269 1294 12 38 285 3 232
Matthew Stafford Det QB $50 395/626 5012 41 20 60 1 0 0 0 367
Calvin Johnson Det WR $46 0/0 0 0 3 32 0 92 1511 12 218
Maurice Jones-Drew Jac RB $44 0/0 0 0 298 1371 9 33 300 2 210
Chris Johnson Ten RB $44 0/0 0 0 300 1274 7 59 428 1 209
Rob Gronkowski NE TE $39 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 80 1191 12 191
Jimmy Graham NO TE $38 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 87 1265 10 187
Wes Welker NE WR $36 0/0 0 0 2 3 0 118 1343 7 190
Matt Forte Chi RB $35 0/0 0 0 257 1161 5 50 512 1 185
Ryan Mathews SD RB $35 0/0 0 0 220 1079 7 47 441 1 184
Roddy White Atl WR $33 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 101 1194 9 184
Marshawn Lynch Sea RB $33 0/0 0 0 266 1073 11 25 187 1 180
Larry Fitzgerald Ari WR $33 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 84 1309 9 183
Cam Newton Car QB $33 302/506 3986 22 120 742 8 0 0 0 308
Trent Richardson Cle RB $31 0/0 0 0 286 1258 7 29 232 1 173
Fred Jackson Buf RB $30 0/0 0 0 238 1099 7 40 382 0 173
Darren Sproles NO RB $30 0/0 0 0 82 475 1 80 751 6 171
Jamaal Charles KC RB $30 0/0 0 0 241 1215 3 40 390 2 171
Steven Jackson StL RB $29 0/0 0 0 284 1176 6 38 313 0 170
DeMarco Murray Dal RB $29 0/0 0 0 203 1053 7 33 322 1 170
Darren McFadden Oak RB $29 0/0 0 0 206 988 7 44 339 1 168
Andre Johnson Hou WR $29 0/0 0 0 2 14 0 81 1234 8 171
Frank Gore SF RB $27 0/0 0 0 254 1118 7 28 224 1 164
Adrian Peterson Min RB $26 0/0 0 0 248 1124 8 22 197 0 162
Michael Turner Atl RB $26 0/0 0 0 273 1145 9 10 122 1 162
A.J. Green Cin WR $26 0/0 0 0 4 51 0 76 1223 7 165
Eli Manning NYG QB $26 379/600 4782 30 31 24 1 0 0 0 287
Greg Jennings GB WR $26 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 73 1125 9 165
Mike Wallace Pit WR $26 0/0 0 0 5 54 0 72 1180 8 164
Roy Helu Wsh RB $26 0/0 0 0 197 893 5 49 389 2 160
Ahmad Bradshaw NYG RB $25 0/0 0 0 224 934 8 37 260 1 158
Tony Romo Dal QB $25 330/515 4092 29 19 62 1 0 0 0 282
Hakeem Nicks NYG WR $24 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 73 1125 8 159
Antonio Gates SD TE $23 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 73 948 8 147
Peyton Manning Den QB $22 371/569 4516 30 18 13 0 0 0 0 274
Dwayne Bowe KC WR $22 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 73 1045 8 154
Percy Harvin Min WR $22 0/0 0 0 37 263 1 76 900 5 152
Julio Jones Atl WR $22 0/0 0 0 7 68 0 74 1158 6 152
Vernon Davis SF TE $21 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 70 900 8 143
Stevan Ridley NE RB $20 0/0 0 0 230 980 10 12 77 0 146
Brandon Marshall Chi WR $20 0/0 0 0 2 20 0 80 1129 6 149
Philip Rivers SD QB $20 357/557 4605 26 26 32 1 0 0 0 267
Victor Cruz NYG WR $20 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 72 1107 7 148
Marques Colston NO WR $20 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 76 1073 7 148
Jordy Nelson GB WR $20 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 74 1131 6 148
Reggie Bush Mia RB $20 0/0 0 0 187 894 5 41 291 1 144
Jason Witten Dal TE $19 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 77 962 6 138
Steve Smith Car WR $19 0/0 0 0 4 36 0 68 1055 7 146
Dez Bryant Dal WR $19 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 64 948 9 146
Jonathan Stewart Car RB $17 0/0 0 0 158 772 4 44 412 1 137
Tony Gonzalez Atl TE $16 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 78 819 6 129
Shonn Greene NYJ RB $16 0/0 0 0 237 1002 4 32 206 0 134
Aaron Hernandez NE TE $16 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 67 793 7 128
Jermichael Finley GB TE $13 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 59 833 6 121
Jared Cook Ten TE $11 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 66 693 6 115
Michael Vick Phi QB $6 236/392 3097 19 79 627 6 0 0 0 266
Vincent Jackson TB WR $6 0/0 0 0 3 45 0 65 1054 7 145
Jeremy Maclin Phi WR $6 0/0 0 0 3 14 0 68 934 8 145
Matt Ryan Atl QB $5 339/550 3803 28 38 84 1 0 0 0 259
Steve Johnson Buf WR $5 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 82 984 6 142
Mason Crosby GB K $5 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 145
Stephen Gostkowski NE K $5 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 145
David Akers SF K $5 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 145
Miles Austin Dal WR $5 0/0 0 0 2 12 0 63 920 8 141
Eric Decker Den WR $5 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 80 1056 5 140
Brandon Lloyd NE WR $5 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 62 944 7 135
Demaryius Thomas Den WR $5 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 63 1023 6 135
DeSean Jackson Phi WR $4 0/0 0 0 10 73 0 55 987 6 135
Robert Meachem SD WR $4 0/0 0 0 6 14 0 67 967 6 135
Doug Martin TB RB $4 0/0 0 0 196 841 4 37 376 0 131
Antonio Brown Pit WR $4 0/0 0 0 3 9 0 80 1045 4 134
Jahvid Best Det RB $4 0/0 0 0 149 700 2 48 481 1 129
Willis McGahee Den RB $4 0/0 0 0 203 848 9 12 57 0 128
BenJarvus Green-Ellis Cin RB $4 0/0 0 0 217 805 9 7 44 0 127
Beanie Wells Ari RB $4 0/0 0 0 228 976 7 9 80 0 127
Ben Roethlisberger Pit QB $4 305/481 3876 25 36 100 1 0 0 0 239
C.J. Spiller Buf RB $3 0/0 0 0 123 645 4 41 372 1 123
Pierre Garcon Wsh WR $3 0/0 0 0 3 8 0 66 890 6 126
Sebastian Janikowski Oak K $3 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 140
Peyton Hillis KC RB $3 0/0 0 0 198 789 6 27 179 0 121
Michael Bush Chi RB $3 0/0 0 0 164 690 7 21 200 0 120
Lance Moore NO WR $3 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 63 747 7 123
Fred Davis Wsh TE $3 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 61 807 5 114
Garrett Hartley NO K $3 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 139
Dan Bailey Dal K $3 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 139
Jacob Tamme Den TE $3 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 63 779 5 113
Denarius Moore Oak WR $3 0/0 0 0 4 27 0 50 856 6 120
Brandon Pettigrew Det TE $3 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 70 700 5 111
Santonio Holmes NYJ WR $3 0/0 0 0 3 25 0 56 753 7 119
Matt Schaub Hou QB $3 258/408 3319 22 18 19 2 0 0 0 229
Torrey Smith Bal WR $3 0/0 0 0 4 31 0 55 969 4 118
DeAngelo Williams Car RB $3 0/0 0 0 177 858 3 22 175 1 115
Ben Tate Hou RB $2 0/0 0 0 149 801 6 15 103 1 114
Pierre Thomas NO RB $2 0/0 0 0 114 529 2 48 370 2 113
Anquan Boldin Bal WR $2 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 60 841 5 116

Commish Notes Week 9 (Brief Updated Power Rankings)

Though I’m stuck in Florida this week I’ve escaped the in-laws long enough to throw up some quick power rankings.  We are done with 9 weeks of play, and as or right now, no team is either confirmed for the playoffs or completely out of the playoffs.  Any team here could still make or miss the playoffs, a crazy concept with just 4 games left in the regular season.  All that will change after this week, or course, as some teams are likely to get in (by getting to seven wins) and some teams are likely to get out (getting to eight losses).  Also at this point I still think it’s mathematically possible to not make the playoffs with seven wins (though I haven’t done that math), but remains unlikely.  Let’s look at the Power Rankings.


Last Week’s Ranks:

1)Mitchell’s Marauders

2)Crazy Canucks

3)The Gang

4)The Rat Pack

5)Los Pescaderos

6)LT’s Crackheeds

7)Mormon Defenders

8)Fightin’ Birdmen

9)The Brown Trout

10)The GBP

I decided to switch the Canucks with the Marauders this week because the Marauders are on a two game losing streak, have dropped three of their last four, and haven’t been over 110 points in over four weeks.  The Canucks meanwhile have Aaron Rodgers, who alone is basically good enough to win the league.  Welcome back to the top spot, Canucks – looks like everybody believes in you again.

The Gang retain the third spot despite lots of question marks at WR in recent weeks.  Other than that they remain rock solid with Brady and an outstanding running game as well as the Green Bay defense.  They should cruise into the playoffs and potentially do some damage.  The Crackheeds take over the fourth spot as they are currently the hottest team in the league putting up four straight wins and coming off their best performance of the year this week even without Adrian Peterson.  They’ve only been under 100 points once this season and have been oddly consistent as a team despite up and down individuals.

Los Pescaderos and The Rat Pack remain almost interchangeable to me.  I give the nod to the Rat Pack because of a few more points and the extra win (though they’ve played the easiest schedule in the league) and I still like the explosiveness of their roster – multiple players there have blow-up potential.  Los Pescaderos are scary when the Texans play well, or against a horrible opponent, but they might be stopped in their tracks if the Texans have an off week; the upcoming schedule should prove interesting there.  The health of Javhid Best will be something to watch in coming weeks.

The Defenders have stalled a bit but remain in a workable position, and it’s good to see a Redskin back on the roster.  The Brown Trout eked out a close win over the Gang and still could get it together in time, they leapfrog the Birdmen this week and get back to the 8th spot – almost back to their post-draft spot of number one.

The Birdmen have been fighting injuries all year and these missed McFadden weeks are adding up.  Things looked promising for them a few weeks ago but four straight losses have all but closed the door on their 2011 campaign.  And what can be said about the GBP?  The schedule gods have been downright vengeful to them, and with Rivers struggling, and injuries, it just doesn’t seem to be in the cards for Jonny G’s boys this season.

Updated Ranks:

1)Crazy Canucks (6-3)

2)Mitchell’s Marauders (6-3)

3)The Gang (5-4)

4)LT’s Crackheeds (6-3)

5)The Rat Pack (6-3)

6)Los Pescaderos (5-4)

7)Mormon Defenders (4-5)

8)The Brown Trout (3-6)

9)Fightin’ Birdmen (2-7)

10)The GBP (2-7)


That’s it.  Commish Notes (in some form) will be back next week, including updated player awards from this week and next.  Anyone have a favorite so far from the Costacos Brothers Collection?  I’d be curious to see which one people thought was the best.



Commish Notes Week 7 and 8 and Week 8 Podcast!

Commish Notes Week 7 and 8

Lots to cover this week after the hiatus.  I’m going to try tackling both week 7 and week 8.  These notes will feature separate weekly awards sections, one for each week, followed by an updated Inter-Division War segment and of course, updated Power Rankings.

About half of MLOM spent week 7 in Las Vegas, watching football at the Lagasse’s Stadium sportsbook in the Palazzo casino.  The bets were flying fast and furious as were the fantasy rooting interests.  The highlight of the day came from the rise of the Mile High Messiah Tim Tebow of course, (before his fall from grace in week 8), whose fourth quarter heroics against Miami led to dramatic and unified chants of “TE-BOW! TE-BOW!” throughout the sportsbook.  Also, my money-line bet on the Chiefs was sweet.

Can't really throw that well, but prays with the best of 'em

Weekly Awards – Week 7

Game of the Week

Mormon Defenders 103.95 over Crazy Canucks 94.21

Having just beaten Mitchell’s Marauders the week prior, the Defenders made another strong statement here beating not only one top team one week, but the top TWO teams in successive weeks.   The Canucks were straddled with multiple byes, and decided to play it coy and not even field a full team (going empty in one WR slot rather than picking up a one week fill-in).  They paid for their arrogance losing by 9 points.  The biggest surprise was that Roethlisberger matched Rodgers nearly point for point, and Mason Crosby’s 18 point day was certainly huge.  Commish is also happy to report the rebirth of longtime favorite “Yo this Marques Baby” Colston, who impressed with a 22 point outing in the match, his first big day since returning from injury.   Congrats to the Defenders on their big win.

Players of the Week


Drew Brees, Crackheeds – 50.01 points, 31 of 35 for 325 yards, 5 TD

On the heels of his phenomenal performance Sunday night against the lowly Colts, Drew Brees became the second member of the 50-point club this season.  Did he look as good as Tim Tebow out there?  No, he did not.  But any time you have more TD passes than incompletions, that tends to go down as a pretty good day.  He made us all feel really dumb that we didn’t bet the Saints that Sunday night in Vegas.  At least we didn’t bet the Colts, either.

Running Back

Arian Foster, Los Pescaderos – 44.02 points,  115 rush yards, 2 TD, 5 receptions for 119 yards, 1 rec TD

The Samurai Poet

Arian “The Atheist’s Nightmare” Foster has all kinds of secondary nicknames these days.  Apparently “Foster the People” is making the rounds now, in honor of that band (of the same name) with that song ‘Pumped Up Kicks’ that is currently dominating airwaves.  And Gabe, fancying himself quite clever, has posted trash talk which refers to his two star players, Megatron (“outrun my gun”) and Arian Foster (…the People).   It might be a fairly complex way to get there, but I’ll give Gabe some props for going multi-layered (like the movie Unforgiven!) on his trash talk.  Speaking of Nightmares, this week’s performance by Arian Foster – a NIGHTMARE for any defense – brings us to this week’s version of…

Costacos Brothers Poster of the Week!

Wow there was some serious cosplay going on in this porn shoot before The Nightmare himself – Christian Okoye – showed up.  The Seahawk and what I assume to be the Raider (keeping with the old AFC West Division theme) were getting busy on the left side of the bed, and things were really saucy on the right side with that Charger and Bronco going full sixty-nine.  You think it would be hard to perform good oral with a helmet on, but who doesn’t like a challenge?  I like how everyone neatly took off their cleats before getting into bed.  Maybe this is a giant homophobic scare tactic ad, with Christian Okoye warning you not to hook up with other dudes lest he come in to your room and cut you – and some footballs in the process.  I also like how the bedposts look like pylons, which makes me wonder why I don’t have actual pylons at each corner on my bed.  How hard would it be to resist diving into bed (“He’s going for the endzone!!”) every time if that were the case?  I say it would be impossible.  Oh who am I kidding?  I do that now anyway.  And what about Okoye?  A Nigerian soccer-came-first football player in the Adam Spragg body mold, he led the NFL in rushing in 1989, in a time when shoulder pad and neck guard size mattered almost as much as talent, and possibly more.  If you’d like to learn more, check out this neat video, complete with some tone-setting African tribal music to back up the highlights!

And if you’d like to see Okoye get blown up by Steve Atwater in one of the epic hits of the 1980s instead, just click here. 

Wide Receiver

Greg Jennings, The GBP – 22.30 points, 7 catches for 147 yards, 1 TD

Jennings, even after the bye week, is quietly the fifth best WR in fantasy football right now.

Tight End

Jimmy Graham, Rat Pack – 18.60 points, 6 receptions for 54 yards, 2 TD

Unable to stop the touchdown, the Colt's DB prepares to punch some ass!

Oh Graham won again?  How odd.  He’s become the new Saints unfair TE, a la Marques Colston all those years ago.  Next year Yahoo should make him a WR, unless he’s on the Crackheeds.

Team of the Week

Los Pescaderos

Buoyed by the match-up against the GBP (where everyone gets a free 50 points added to their score) and the fact that GM Gabe was in Vegas, the Pescaderos came out hot, finally getting a half-decent, convincing win (OK, week 5 wasn’t terrible either), which also happened to be their fifth straight.  With Arian Foster finally healthy and starting to look like last year’s terror (or nightmare: see above), and Megatron continuing to be Mega-Awesome, Gabe ‘s Pescaderos are starting to look like certain playoff contenders.

Coach of the Week

Papa Roston

I thought about going with Norm again given his second straight victory against a top team, but I opted with Papa Roston who despite having Brady, McCoy, Nicks, Green-Ellis, and Vernon Davis on bye, still managed to pick up a win against the full-strength Birdmen.  Furthermore, PPR had the foresight to pick up and play Demarco Murray prior to the time when anyone knew who the hell he was, and who –in payment – managed to rush for the seventh most yards in a single NFL game all time.

Goat of the Week

DeAngelo Williams – 2.92 points

Williams went for $18 on draft day, got played once, and promptly put up 2.92 points the one time the Canucks needed him to fill in.  He was promptly dropped the next week.  DeAngelo, come get your horns…

Weekly Awards – Week 8

Game of the Week

The Brown Trout 134.37 over Los Pescaderos 121.12

Player Awards


Matthew Stafford, Rat Pack – 31.69 points, 21 of 30, 267 yards, 3 TD, 21 rush yards

It took until week 8, but finally someone not named Brady, Brees, or Rodgers won this award.  Stafford has been having an excellent season, and goes into his bye week in 5th place for QB scoring (along with the other three mentioned as well as Cam Newton just ahead in 4th).  And also, for his performance this week, he wins the…

Costacos Brothers Poster of the Week


I don’t know why, but this “Lion Heart” poster about Joey Harrington (another Detroit QB) just cracks me up for some reason.  I’m not even sure if it’s Costacos Brothers to be honest, but damn it’s funny.  Also it reminds of that horrible scene in that horrible Jean Claude Van Damme movie (aptly named) Lionheart where his ex-con trainer screams out that name.  Maybe whenever Matthew Stafford scores from now on, I too will scream that out. 

(OMG this scene is awesome.  My favorite parts, in order.  1)18 straight shots of the same punch landing 2)”Wrong Bet.”  3)The world’s most awkward beginning to a slow clap at the 1:06 mark.  4)”This dude’s gonna kill your ass!”  right after the slow clap.  5)and then magic at 1:35 with the yelling of “LIONHEART!!!” while a spin-kick finds its mark.  And lastly, 6)the weird melodramatic ending to the fight scene, almost like Van Damme reverts to a frightened child; I swear he’s about to cry.  What a scene. I’m going to make that LIONHEART! yell my new default text message noise.)

Running Back

LeSean McCoy, The Gang – 32.42 points, 185 rush yards, 2 TD, 2 receptions for 15 yards

The man is so good he has four capital letters in his name.  McCoy’s quickness and speed through the hole looks unreal right now.  He’s like Brian Westbrook but stockier, faster, and on HGH.   Of note, McCoy barely edged out Steven Jackson and his 32.38 points this week.

Wide Receiver

MEGATRON , Los Pescaderos – 20.33 points, 6 receptions for 125 yards, 1 TD

"Decepticons - ATTACK!!!"

Though Megatron kicked some serious ass this week, his team  (Los Pescas) ended up losing, a concept which parallels nicely the average Transformers episode where Megatron busts some heads at the local hydroelectric dam during an energon raid only to have things go sour because most of the other Decepticons are incompetent.  Here’s a video of Megatron being a dominating badass:

Also, if I could dedicate one song to Megatron that captures my feelings about him, it would probably be this:

Tight End

Scott Chandler, The Brown Trout – 15.33 points, 2 receptions for 35 yards, 2 TD

Pretty efficient work by Mr. Chandler, who caught both of Ryan Fitzpatrick’s touchdowns.  That’s TWO double dips for the Trout this week.

Team of the Week

The Brown Trout

The top scoring honors this week go to the Brown Trout, whose 134.37 outing is their second best this season.  (They scored 140 points in week 2 – a loss to the GBP.)  A nice rebound for the Trout, who just came off 3 straight games at 74 points or less and who desperately need to get things going ASAP if they’re going to make a run for the playoffs.

Coach of the Week

Justin Buhr

In honor of the double dips served up by Fitzpatrick to Chandler this week, Commish will go ahead and double dip the Coach of the Week with the Team of the Week, namely Justin Buhr and his Brown Trout.  The Trout had four players on bye this week, some even with a little talent (Roddy White, Jermichael Finley) and two others who were injured (Mike Tolbert and Felix Jones).  Little Buhr shrewdly snatched Chandler from the free agent pool and got his money’s worth.  He also had a nice fill in of McCluster (the league’s premier bye week slut) and even Mike Thomas (actually no props for that one – the guy scores just 3 points each week – trust me I know), all of which amounted to an impressive win over brother Gabe whose Pescaderos put up a none-too-shabby 120-plus points.  Congrats, double dipper, you are Coach of the week and your team is Team of the Week and your Commish loves you (even if you have snubbed the podcast like four times now).

Goat of the Week

Philip Rivers

No great fantasy shame this week, but bobbling that snap on that last drive?!  Come on man, that’s just horrid.  Luckily, Rivers, you’re in good company (  That’s right, an Eli Manning comparison. Come get your horns.

Inter-Division War

Enemies of the Crown – 9 wins

MI-6 – 7 wins

The Enemies of the Crown continue their undefeated streak in weeks with just a single inter-division game.  The Crackheeds dispatched the Brown Trout (handily I might add) in Week 7 and The Defenders took it to the Marauders in Week 8.  Week’s 9 and 10 feature all-out inter-division warfare once again.

Week 7’s Winner:

LT’s Crackheeds over The Brown Trout

Performance Sponsored by:

“Unfortunately I misjudged you, you are just a stupid police man ...whose luck has run out.”

Dr. No! 

More on our villain:

Dr. No is a brilliant scientist with an implied Napoleon complex (see mad scientist), a self-described “unwanted child of a German missionary and a Chinese girl of a good family”. He later “became treasurer of the most powerful criminal society in China”; in this case, the Tongs. He then “escaped to America with $10,000,000” of Tong gold bullion. He specialized in radiation, which cost him both of his hands; his hands were replaced with crude bionic metal ones. No’s hands have great strength (he can crush a metal figurine with them), but are seriously lacking in manual dexterity. This property contributes to his demise.

The bio is spot on.

Week 8’s Winner:

Mormon Defenders over Mitchell’s Marauders

Performance Sponsored by:

“Observe, Mr. Bond, the instruments of Armageddon.”

Karl Stromberg!  (The Villain from The Spy Who Loved Me)

More on our villain:

The webbed-fingered Karl Stromberg is a successful self-employed businessman as head of his own shipping firm and chain of laboratories. Stromberg’s obsession and passion is the ocean where he lives in his palace, named Atlantis, that could submerge itself underwater so as not to be seen or detected. Located off the coast of Sardinia, Italy, Atlantis has everything to support life above and below water for any length of time. In fact, Atlantis is more like a city, able to support dozens if not hundreds of people. Stromberg also owns a huge tanker, named Liparus, that serves as his headquarters away from Atlantis. Aboard the tanker he has a small army of red soldiers. In Christopher Wood’s novelisation of the film, Stromberg is Swedish and his first name is Sigmund.

Although Stromberg has a passion for the ocean and its various species, he despises the human race, not unlike Jules Verne’s Captain Nemo. Stromberg, however, is much more diabolical and has no interest in benefiting the world. He has a congenital condition in which his hands are webbed like those of aquatic birds or mammals. It is his personal mission to start over with a new civilization underwater via complete anarchy against the “surface world”.

This guy is just like Norm!  Not only does he have webbed hands, but he also yearns quite literally to live “Under the Sea”.

Slap Chop Official Power Rankings

"All the stores have this - you can't open it up - it's worthless - forget it."

Week 6 Power Rankings (There were no Power Rankings for Week 7)

1)Mitchell’s Marauders

2)Crazy Canucks

3)The Gang

4)The Rat Pack

5)LT’s Crackheeds

6)Los Pescaderos

7)Fightin’ Birdmen

8)The GBP

9)Mormon Defenders

10)The Brown Trout

Updated Power Rankings

Not a ton of movement in the past two weeks, though I feel that if Week 7 Power Rankings had come out, we would have seen subtle movements in multiple tiers that probably would have been reversed back to week 6 levels after this week, especially at the top of the list.  Here’s where things stand from the Commish perspective this week.

Upper Tier

The Marauders have continued to perform well despite byes and injuries and lead the league in wins and are second in points.  They feel like more a comprehensive “team” then the overly Rodgers dependent Canucks.  The Canucks have the feel of a team about to slide a bit given some instability at their WR and RB spots – it may have already begun as they’ve lost two straight.  The Marauder’s only weakness at this point seems to be there dependence on either Tony Romo or Eli Manning, either of which could absolutely destroy a team in a playoff game singlehandedly if you’re not careful.  The Gang remain in the upper tier, with their core of stars consistently producing even though Brady’s production has slowed a bit.  LeSean McCoy is a beast right now and he could easily end up the top scoring RB in fantasy football come the end of the season.

Middle Tier

Los Pescaderos probably would have assumed the fourth spot in the theoretical week 7 power rankings after their five straight wins, but I like Eryn’s team better because they are more diversified and not so unilaterally dependent (a la Gabe and his Texans).  Eryn has the luxury of making Chris Johnson (looking more like Light Blue Cain than Light Blue Jesus at this point – and yes that’s a Bible joke) his third running back with Gore and Fred Jackson (Iwan got schooled in that trade!!) being the productive starters, and Graham is just about the best WR in the league, only he plays TE – what a boost.  But Gabe is right there, especially with his point production up in recent weeks. It seems harsh to place my currently second-seeded (thanks to odd division record rules) Crackheeds as low as sixth place especially after three straight wins and being the fourth highest scoring team, but in reality the Brees and Peterson bye weeks still loom large and that will probably push this team squarely back into the middle of the pack.  And I would like to welcome the Defenders, whose two solid victories over teams one and two in this poll in successive weeks as well as three straight 100-point-plus performances have earned them solid middle-tier status.

Lower Tier
The most movement in these rankings has occurred here. I still like the Birdmen the best of these three, because of Cam Newton and the other superstars.  The GBP are simply cursed, with teams averaging a dominating 136.8 points against them (the next worst is the The Brown Trout, at a not-even-close  111.5 points against), so they drop to last place until further notice.  Also the death of Philip Rives has not gone well for this team.  The Brown Trout could potentially move up if they string together a couple of wins, but that’s a big if.  Also they keep snubbing the podcast, so fuck them when it comes to the Power Rankings.

1)Mitchell’s Marauders (6-2)

2)Crazy Canucks (5-3)

3)The Gang (5-3)

4)The Rat Pack (5-3)

5)Los Pescaderos (5-3)

6)LT’s Crackheeds (5-3)

7)Mormon Defenders (4-4)

8)Fightin’ Birdmen (2-6)

9)The Brown Trout (2-6)

10)The GBP (1-7)

Final Word

And last but not least, the MLOM week 8 podcast, featuring Iwan and I.



I’m out of town next week, so very likely there will be no notes and no podcast until the following week, though potentially I could post something about the league in limited fashion.  We shall see.

Until then, good luck to all teams.


Shame Spirals – the MLOM Podcast, Week 6 – The Normcast!



Above is the link to this week’s podcast.  Special Guest Norm this week,with Vice Commish Iwan back in the house.  Clocking in at 1:40:00+ –  a new record.  Lots of fun as always.


Off to Vegas!



Commish Notes – Week 6

Commish Notes Week 6

I’m kind of in a hurry this week, like a team playing a game after it just played on Monday night.  It’s a short week and I have to cram in what I can.  Off to Vegas at the end of the week and I wanted to crank out some notes.  This week’s intro will feature a look at some of the numbers I thought intriguing while looking at the past week and at the league in general.

Everything's Numb3rs

(Brought this back for E)

GBP Strength of Schedule

Holy shit the GBP have played a tough schedule this year.  The average score against them is a whopping 135.12 points.   No wonder they are 1-5.   The next closest is not even in the same league, the Fightin’ Birdmen facing 112.53 points on average this year are number 2.

The agony of defeat

In similar news, the GBP are getting beat by an average of 41 points this season in their five losses. Damn.

WR let-down in week 6

It wasn’t a great week for WR scoring.  Only 11 of 30 WR’s starting this week went over 10 points, and 3 of those were on the Canucks.  Only 5 of 30 WR’s had 100 yard games this week, which seems odd in the new air it out all the time NFL.

100 point games

Only two teams, the Canucks and the Crackheeds, have posted 100+ point games every week this season.  In contrast, four teams have posted only two 100+ point games this year – The Birdmen, Defenders, Los Pescaderos, and The GBP.

Stink Bombs

There have been 3 stink bombs in MLOM this year – all by the Brown Trout.  But in their other three games, they are averaging 119 points.


The Mormon Defenders are averaging 21 points per game on defense, an insane number.   But despite that, they are 2-4.  What does that say about their offense?


The Canucks have 45 TD’s thus far, an average of 7.5 per week, easily tops in the league.  The Defenders, on the other end, have just 17, only 2.83 TD’s per week.   (I guess that’s what it says about their offense.)

Weekly Awards

Game of the Week

Mormon Defenders 114.47 over Mitchell’s Marauders 90.14

Initially I posted the Gang/Crackheeds game in this slot because of the up-in-the-air Monday night come from behind victory enacted by one bipolar Brandon Marshall. But then I thought about it some more and I really want to put the Defenders upset victory over the Marauders in this slot.  Not only did Norm get a much, much needed win out of the game,  he ALSO did it in Monday Night comeback fashion (though you could argue that his NYJ defense getting four points at home over Matt Moore and what the dolphins call “offense”  was a foregone conclusion) and handed the Marauders their first defeat of the season in the process.  Some could argue that this was a classic let-down game for the Marauders, coming off the big victory over the Canucks, but they should know that no game is a gimmie in MLOM (not even games against the Brown Trout, though I could see the argument).  Either way it was an exciting game throughout the day which ended fittingly on Monday night.  The 72 dolphins may finally drink their champagne, as no team in MLOM is left undefeated.

Players of the Week


Aaron Rodgers, Crazy Canucks – 31.52 points, 17 of 28, 310 yards, 3 TD, 1 interception, 15 rushing yards

To be honest, Aaron Rodgers posting only 31 points at home against the Rams  is kind of a letdown performance, but he still managed to tally the highest QB score – he’s just that good.  It’s hard to keep coming up with things to say about this guy, other than that he’s “locked in”, “playing at a high level”, “catching the ball at its highest point” and every other cliché.  I wish the Packers wore those throwback uniforms every week.  Man they are good/bad.

Running Back

Ahmad Bradshaw, Crazy Canucks – 32.40 points, 104 rush yards, 3 TD, 2 receptions, 26 yards

Uhh that's a Pwnyo.

Bradshaw’s 3 TD’s and 100-plus yards powered the G-Men past the Bills and similarly helped the Canucks maintain their insane point per game average, which continues to be off the charts.  After at least two of the scores CBS cameras caught Bradshaw doing a complicated twelve step hand shake with injured Brandon Jacobs.  Witnessing this made me feel whiter than I’ve ever felt in my life.  I should also add that Bradshaw’s 32 point performance narrowly edged out “The Ass”, Michael Turner.  If Turner ever gets the top score in a week, look out, I’m talking an ass montage to rival this Manning Face Page.

(Costacos Brothers Poster of the Week)

This week’s winner is Ahmad Bradshaw, and because he’s a Giant, I just couldn’t resist putting up the Terminator, a poster I actually had in my very own room back in high school, and maybe college, and hell maybe now.  Before Lawrence Taylor preyed on 15 year old girls, turns out he preyed on opposing offenses.  In the poster, he’s a terminator, one that’s not afraid to use grenades OR his laser fingers, either option being deadly.  I always wondered what the hell happened to guy in the way back who’s stuck on the goalpost.  What did he do to deserve the extra humiliation? 

Wide Receiver

Devin Hester, Fightin’ Birdmen – 25.93 points, 5 receptions, 91 yards, 1 TD, 134 return yards, 1 TD

The kicker ALMOST totally got him.

Why did the Canucks keep kicking to Devin Hester?  (Actually, I find the kicking to Devin Hester argument kind of funny, it’s explained better here.   I’m not sure what’s better, Hester’s performance this week, or this random story about Hester getting “slapped” in a casino.  Apparently the man is being charged.   Did the man try to run away afterward?  Did he realize the futility of that?  What is Devin Hester like in a casino?  I have many questions.

Tight End

Jimmy Graham, The Rat Pack – 14.77 points; 7 receptions for 124 yards

He's Tiny!

Graham has clearly become the go-to guy for Drew Brees.  He is unparalleled in terms of TE fantasy production this year, leading the position easily with 90.84 points after six weeks (the next closest is Rob Gronkowski at 74.67 points).  Graham is so good he’s currently 3rd in the NFL in total receiving yards (behind only Welker and Steve Smith).  If he were a WR, he would be in 4th overall scoring in that position.  His price on draft day?  Just $7.  Nice work Eron.

Team of the Week

The Crazy Canucks, 139.11

A week on the heels of their tough loss against the Marauders, the Canucks come storming back with a 139 point outing to keep their average at a blistering 137.39 points per week.  The scary thing about this 139.11 performance is that it is their second worst tally of the year, which means that in five of six games this year they’ve officially blown up.  It has to slow down sometime, right?  Maybe, but not this week.

Coach of the Week

Norm Hamson

This week the Defenders showed me something.  Norm was just one player away from his optimal line up and handed the Marauders their first loss of the season, and maybe showed a little spark in the process.  Norm’s ability to go from Jets defense to 49ers defense on any given week is a nice perk of having both.   A nice fill in play of Ernest Graham as well.  With the ever exciting Vick present and possibly the resurgence of Marques Colston and Mike Williams (both had good weeks this week), the Defenders may still yet be able to make a little noise this season.  Either way, they got-er-done this week.

Goat of the Week

Someone on the Brown Trout – Hell it was a team effort.

This week’s options include Jermichael Finley, Roddy White, or Felix Jones.  What do they have in common?  That’s right they’re all stinking up the Brown Trout’s joint.  I can’t even pick one.  Just look at the goat picture.

Interdivision War

Enemies of the Crown – 7 wins

MI-6 – 7 wins

After six weeks it’s all tied up between the two sides.  Norm’s Defenders pulled off the upset win this week over the heavily favored Marauders and pulled the Enemies of the Crown division even in the process.  This espionage game of Cat and Mouse continues.  Who will be the eventual victor?

This week’s winner:

Mormon Defenders over The Brown Trout

Performance sponsored by:

“Oh, leave the legs free. They'll make appetizing bait.”

Aristotle “Aris” Kristatos!  (One of the Villains from For Your Eyes Only)

From Wikipedia:

Generally regarded as a hero for his bravery in World War II and the Greek Civil War, which the British government awarded him the King’s Medal, Kristatos was actually a double agent during both conflicts. Though he appeared to be a respectable businessman in the years thereafter, he was in fact a heroin smuggler and a Soviet agent. He developed a bloody feud with Milos Columbo, a rival smuggler. He is in union with rogue Nazi supporters who have aided him in smuggling gold, drugs and other supplies out of Britain. In the film, he is hired by General Gogol to obtain the British device ATAC, which controls Polaris missiles.

This actor also played General Veers in Empire and Walter Donovan in Last Crusade.  That’s a nice round of villainry there guy.

Slap Chop Official Power Rankings

"You can't open this up - it's worthless - forget it. Now take the Slap Chop..."

Last Week’s Ranks

1)Mitchell’s Marauders

2)Crazy Canucks

3)The Gang

4)The Rat Pack

5)Los Pescaderos

6)LT’s Crackheeds

7)Fightin’ Birdmen

8)The GBP

9)The Brown Trout

10)Mormon Defenders

There was not a ton of movement in the Power Rankings this week though there was still much hand-wringing on the part of the Commish to decide who belonged where.  I’ll keep the rankings listed by tiers, as those haven’t changed this week.

Upper Tier

After much deliberation I decided to keep the Marauders at the top spot over the Canucks despite the even records and the nearly 70 point advantage the Canucks currently hold.  For me I feel that the Marauders hold a versatility and depth edge over the Canucks.  Their best receivers and best running backs are better than those of the Canucks (especially when healthy) and their quarterbacks (Romo, Manning, and now Tebow(!)) are good enough. The Canucks are a little too Rodgers dependent for my liking, though through the first six weeks they would have won plenty even without him.  I could see myself changing my mind week to week here but for now I’m keeping the Marauders on top with the Canucks oh so close to taking their spot.  The Gang, despite their close loss this week, stay in third place, with the Brady/Nicks/McCoy combination looking absolutely combustible week to week (except this week – when they are all off – ouch.)

Middle Tier

In the middle tier I kept things about the same though I switched my Crackheeds with Los Pescaderos, both of whom are behind the Rat Pack.  With Fred Jackson and Jimmy Graham both having MVP-esque fantasy campaigns, and Frank Gore looking rock solid, the Rat Pack are honestly just a hair’s width (and a WR) away from jumping into the upper tier.  I moved the Crackheed ahead of Los Pescaderos this week for a few reasons.  First, Los Pescaderos, despite four wins, have only topped 100 points twice this season.  The Heeds have done it every single week.  Also, Best is now concussed which may present lasting problems and the QB play just hasn’t been consistent enough for Los Pescaderos to keep them above Drew Brees and company.  (Honestly, If I’m Gabe, I’m looking to trade Megatron cheaply to a team – like the Crackheed – and just focus on next season.  But that’s just me. )   The Heeds meanwhile have been very steady, though they desperately needed their close win over the Gang this past week to avoid falling to 2-4.

Lower Tier

The Birdmen maintain the seventh spot despite their big loss to the Canucks.  It should be noted that their team had a lot of byes in week 6.  Luckily, they face the Gang this week, whose team is even worse off on byes then the Birdmen were last week.  I still like their upside.   I kept the GBP at spot number 8 because, despite their lack of stellar output the past few weeks (they haven’t hit over 100 point since week two) their schedule has been absolutely brutal – teams have been averaging 135.12 points against them per week!   I still don’t quite know what to make of them, or Philip Rivers for that matter.  I bumped the Defenders out of last place this week because Norm’s team finally showed some life and Michael Vick sort of keeps people in games.  That elevates them, as well as the fact that our new cellar dweller, The Brown Trout, is just awful.  There have been three stink bombs this season in MLOM.  All three came from The Brown Trout.  I rest my case.  And to think, it took just six weeks from preseason darling Brown Trout to go from first to worst.  Ouch.  Bring on the shame spirals!

Updated Power Rankings

1)Mitchell’s Marauders (5-1)

2)Crazy Canucks (5-1)

3)The Gang (3-3)

4)The Rat Pack (4-2)

5)LT’s Crackheeds (3-3)

6)Los Pescaderos (4-2)

7)Fightin’ Birdmen (2-4)

8)The GBP (1-5)

9)Mormon Defenders (2-4)

10)The Brown Trout (1-5)

Final Word

Just for giggles, let’s throw in the draft ranks and grades to see how things have fluctuated (or not).

1)The Brown Trout, A-

2)The Gang, B+

3)Los Pescaderos, B+

4)LT’s Crackheeds, B

5)The Rat Pack, B-

6)Mitchell’s Marauders, B-

7)The GBP, C+

8)Mormon Defenders, C

9)The Birdmen, C-

10)Crazy Canucks, C-

Man, did I peg those Canucks and those Brown Trout or what?

OK, that’s it.  It’s a good bet that Commish Notes (and possibly a podcast) may not get done NEXT week due to my mom and sister being in town all week.  If Notes do get done, they will be very brief, maybe just awards and power rankings with very little commentary.   I simply won’t have the time.

For this week we’re looking to tape a podcast Thursday, hopefully with either Norm or Justin.  Stay tuned for that.

Good luck to all teams this week,