Commish Notes Week 6
I’m kind of in a hurry this week, like a team playing a game after it just played on Monday night. It’s a short week and I have to cram in what I can. Off to Vegas at the end of the week and I wanted to crank out some notes. This week’s intro will feature a look at some of the numbers I thought intriguing while looking at the past week and at the league in general.
(Brought this back for E)
GBP Strength of Schedule
Holy shit the GBP have played a tough schedule this year. The average score against them is a whopping 135.12 points. No wonder they are 1-5. The next closest is not even in the same league, the Fightin’ Birdmen facing 112.53 points on average this year are number 2.
The agony of defeat
In similar news, the GBP are getting beat by an average of 41 points this season in their five losses. Damn.
WR let-down in week 6
It wasn’t a great week for WR scoring. Only 11 of 30 WR’s starting this week went over 10 points, and 3 of those were on the Canucks. Only 5 of 30 WR’s had 100 yard games this week, which seems odd in the new air it out all the time NFL.
100 point games
Only two teams, the Canucks and the Crackheeds, have posted 100+ point games every week this season. In contrast, four teams have posted only two 100+ point games this year – The Birdmen, Defenders, Los Pescaderos, and The GBP.
There have been 3 stink bombs in MLOM this year – all by the Brown Trout. But in their other three games, they are averaging 119 points.
The Mormon Defenders are averaging 21 points per game on defense, an insane number. But despite that, they are 2-4. What does that say about their offense?
The Canucks have 45 TD’s thus far, an average of 7.5 per week, easily tops in the league. The Defenders, on the other end, have just 17, only 2.83 TD’s per week. (I guess that’s what it says about their offense.)
Game of the Week
Mormon Defenders 114.47 over Mitchell’s Marauders 90.14
Initially I posted the Gang/Crackheeds game in this slot because of the up-in-the-air Monday night come from behind victory enacted by one bipolar Brandon Marshall. But then I thought about it some more and I really want to put the Defenders upset victory over the Marauders in this slot. Not only did Norm get a much, much needed win out of the game, he ALSO did it in Monday Night comeback fashion (though you could argue that his NYJ defense getting four points at home over Matt Moore and what the dolphins call “offense” was a foregone conclusion) and handed the Marauders their first defeat of the season in the process. Some could argue that this was a classic let-down game for the Marauders, coming off the big victory over the Canucks, but they should know that no game is a gimmie in MLOM (not even games against the Brown Trout, though I could see the argument). Either way it was an exciting game throughout the day which ended fittingly on Monday night. The 72 dolphins may finally drink their champagne, as no team in MLOM is left undefeated.
Players of the Week
Aaron Rodgers, Crazy Canucks – 31.52 points, 17 of 28, 310 yards, 3 TD, 1 interception, 15 rushing yards
To be honest, Aaron Rodgers posting only 31 points at home against the Rams is kind of a letdown performance, but he still managed to tally the highest QB score – he’s just that good. It’s hard to keep coming up with things to say about this guy, other than that he’s “locked in”, “playing at a high level”, “catching the ball at its highest point” and every other cliché. I wish the Packers wore those throwback uniforms every week. Man they are good/bad.
Ahmad Bradshaw, Crazy Canucks – 32.40 points, 104 rush yards, 3 TD, 2 receptions, 26 yards
Bradshaw’s 3 TD’s and 100-plus yards powered the G-Men past the Bills and similarly helped the Canucks maintain their insane point per game average, which continues to be off the charts. After at least two of the scores CBS cameras caught Bradshaw doing a complicated twelve step hand shake with injured Brandon Jacobs. Witnessing this made me feel whiter than I’ve ever felt in my life. I should also add that Bradshaw’s 32 point performance narrowly edged out “The Ass”, Michael Turner. If Turner ever gets the top score in a week, look out, I’m talking an ass montage to rival this Manning Face Page.
(Costacos Brothers Poster of the Week)
This week’s winner is Ahmad Bradshaw, and because he’s a Giant, I just couldn’t resist putting up the Terminator, a poster I actually had in my very own room back in high school, and maybe college, and hell maybe now. Before Lawrence Taylor preyed on 15 year old girls, turns out he preyed on opposing offenses. In the poster, he’s a terminator, one that’s not afraid to use grenades OR his laser fingers, either option being deadly. I always wondered what the hell happened to guy in the way back who’s stuck on the goalpost. What did he do to deserve the extra humiliation?
Devin Hester, Fightin’ Birdmen – 25.93 points, 5 receptions, 91 yards, 1 TD, 134 return yards, 1 TD
Why did the Canucks keep kicking to Devin Hester? (Actually, I find the kicking to Devin Hester argument kind of funny, it’s explained better here. I’m not sure what’s better, Hester’s performance this week, or this random story about Hester getting “slapped” in a casino. Apparently the man is being charged. Did the man try to run away afterward? Did he realize the futility of that? What is Devin Hester like in a casino? I have many questions.
Jimmy Graham, The Rat Pack – 14.77 points; 7 receptions for 124 yards
Graham has clearly become the go-to guy for Drew Brees. He is unparalleled in terms of TE fantasy production this year, leading the position easily with 90.84 points after six weeks (the next closest is Rob Gronkowski at 74.67 points). Graham is so good he’s currently 3rd in the NFL in total receiving yards (behind only Welker and Steve Smith). If he were a WR, he would be in 4th overall scoring in that position. His price on draft day? Just $7. Nice work Eron.
Team of the Week
The Crazy Canucks, 139.11
A week on the heels of their tough loss against the Marauders, the Canucks come storming back with a 139 point outing to keep their average at a blistering 137.39 points per week. The scary thing about this 139.11 performance is that it is their second worst tally of the year, which means that in five of six games this year they’ve officially blown up. It has to slow down sometime, right? Maybe, but not this week.
Coach of the Week
This week the Defenders showed me something. Norm was just one player away from his optimal line up and handed the Marauders their first loss of the season, and maybe showed a little spark in the process. Norm’s ability to go from Jets defense to 49ers defense on any given week is a nice perk of having both. A nice fill in play of Ernest Graham as well. With the ever exciting Vick present and possibly the resurgence of Marques Colston and Mike Williams (both had good weeks this week), the Defenders may still yet be able to make a little noise this season. Either way, they got-er-done this week.
Goat of the Week
Someone on the Brown Trout – Hell it was a team effort.
This week’s options include Jermichael Finley, Roddy White, or Felix Jones. What do they have in common? That’s right they’re all stinking up the Brown Trout’s joint. I can’t even pick one. Just look at the goat picture.
Enemies of the Crown – 7 wins
MI-6 – 7 wins
After six weeks it’s all tied up between the two sides. Norm’s Defenders pulled off the upset win this week over the heavily favored Marauders and pulled the Enemies of the Crown division even in the process. This espionage game of Cat and Mouse continues. Who will be the eventual victor?
This week’s winner:
Mormon Defenders over The Brown Trout
Performance sponsored by:
Aristotle “Aris” Kristatos! (One of the Villains from For Your Eyes Only)
Generally regarded as a hero for his bravery in World War II and the Greek Civil War, which the British government awarded him the King’s Medal, Kristatos was actually a double agent during both conflicts. Though he appeared to be a respectable businessman in the years thereafter, he was in fact a heroin smuggler and a Soviet agent. He developed a bloody feud with Milos Columbo, a rival smuggler. He is in union with rogue Nazi supporters who have aided him in smuggling gold, drugs and other supplies out of Britain. In the film, he is hired by General Gogol to obtain the British device ATAC, which controls Polaris missiles.
This actor also played General Veers in Empire and Walter Donovan in Last Crusade. That’s a nice round of villainry there guy.
Slap Chop Official Power Rankings
Last Week’s Ranks
4)The Rat Pack
9)The Brown Trout
There was not a ton of movement in the Power Rankings this week though there was still much hand-wringing on the part of the Commish to decide who belonged where. I’ll keep the rankings listed by tiers, as those haven’t changed this week.
After much deliberation I decided to keep the Marauders at the top spot over the Canucks despite the even records and the nearly 70 point advantage the Canucks currently hold. For me I feel that the Marauders hold a versatility and depth edge over the Canucks. Their best receivers and best running backs are better than those of the Canucks (especially when healthy) and their quarterbacks (Romo, Manning, and now Tebow(!)) are good enough. The Canucks are a little too Rodgers dependent for my liking, though through the first six weeks they would have won plenty even without him. I could see myself changing my mind week to week here but for now I’m keeping the Marauders on top with the Canucks oh so close to taking their spot. The Gang, despite their close loss this week, stay in third place, with the Brady/Nicks/McCoy combination looking absolutely combustible week to week (except this week – when they are all off – ouch.)
In the middle tier I kept things about the same though I switched my Crackheeds with Los Pescaderos, both of whom are behind the Rat Pack. With Fred Jackson and Jimmy Graham both having MVP-esque fantasy campaigns, and Frank Gore looking rock solid, the Rat Pack are honestly just a hair’s width (and a WR) away from jumping into the upper tier. I moved the Crackheed ahead of Los Pescaderos this week for a few reasons. First, Los Pescaderos, despite four wins, have only topped 100 points twice this season. The Heeds have done it every single week. Also, Best is now concussed which may present lasting problems and the QB play just hasn’t been consistent enough for Los Pescaderos to keep them above Drew Brees and company. (Honestly, If I’m Gabe, I’m looking to trade Megatron cheaply to a team – like the Crackheed – and just focus on next season. But that’s just me. ) The Heeds meanwhile have been very steady, though they desperately needed their close win over the Gang this past week to avoid falling to 2-4.
The Birdmen maintain the seventh spot despite their big loss to the Canucks. It should be noted that their team had a lot of byes in week 6. Luckily, they face the Gang this week, whose team is even worse off on byes then the Birdmen were last week. I still like their upside. I kept the GBP at spot number 8 because, despite their lack of stellar output the past few weeks (they haven’t hit over 100 point since week two) their schedule has been absolutely brutal – teams have been averaging 135.12 points against them per week! I still don’t quite know what to make of them, or Philip Rivers for that matter. I bumped the Defenders out of last place this week because Norm’s team finally showed some life and Michael Vick sort of keeps people in games. That elevates them, as well as the fact that our new cellar dweller, The Brown Trout, is just awful. There have been three stink bombs this season in MLOM. All three came from The Brown Trout. I rest my case. And to think, it took just six weeks from preseason darling Brown Trout to go from first to worst. Ouch. Bring on the shame spirals!
Updated Power Rankings
1)Mitchell’s Marauders (5-1)
2)Crazy Canucks (5-1)
3)The Gang (3-3)
4)The Rat Pack (4-2)
5)LT’s Crackheeds (3-3)
6)Los Pescaderos (4-2)
7)Fightin’ Birdmen (2-4)
8)The GBP (1-5)
9)Mormon Defenders (2-4)
10)The Brown Trout (1-5)
Just for giggles, let’s throw in the draft ranks and grades to see how things have fluctuated (or not).
1)The Brown Trout, A-
2)The Gang, B+
3)Los Pescaderos, B+
4)LT’s Crackheeds, B
5)The Rat Pack, B-
6)Mitchell’s Marauders, B-
7)The GBP, C+
8)Mormon Defenders, C
9)The Birdmen, C-
10)Crazy Canucks, C-
Man, did I peg those Canucks and those Brown Trout or what?
OK, that’s it. It’s a good bet that Commish Notes (and possibly a podcast) may not get done NEXT week due to my mom and sister being in town all week. If Notes do get done, they will be very brief, maybe just awards and power rankings with very little commentary. I simply won’t have the time.
For this week we’re looking to tape a podcast Thursday, hopefully with either Norm or Justin. Stay tuned for that.
Good luck to all teams this week,