Commish Notes, Week 7, 2009

Commish Notes Week 7



Thoughts and Recap


Week 7 was a big week in MLOM, particularly in the topsy-turvy Brotherhood of Mutants Division.  The leading teams lost and the trailing teams won creating a mish-mash of potential division contenders.  With 6 games to go, 4 of the teams are separated by just 2 games – it’s anybody’s ball game.  The Canucks managed to wrest leadership of the Division back somehow, even though they lost their league-leading third straight, an act which personifies the status of the division itself.  The bottom line is that the division is a mess.


Week 7 was also one of those weeks in which every winning team would have beaten every losing team.  Nobody was outcoached, per se, as no one’s “Optimal” Line-up would have been enough to overcome their enemy had everything else remained the same.  Teams were simply outplayed.  Four of the five victories were bonafide Blow Outs (Margin of Victory greater than 40 points), with only Los Pescaderos keeping it “close” – they lost by just 33 points.  The winning teams averaged over 130 points and the losers about 90.  Three of the losing teams put up scores within 1.5 points of each other’s.  Had those teams played head to head, there perhaps would have been drama.  As it stood, there wasn’t much drama or Monday Night Madness to speak of for once.  (Commish suspects that putting the Redskins on MNF is a good way to kill or at least severely diminish any chance of Monday Night Madness.)



Gabe’s “Roy Williams Experiment” ended in disaster this week as predicted.  Let it be known that Commish howled with glee every time the ex-Crackheed ran a lazy route, stood around with hands on hips after not being thrown to, or dropped an easy catch.  I have witnesses.  It wasn’t all fun, however, because for each hilarious Williams mistake, Commish was bitterly reminded of his wasted fifth round draft pick.  Meanwhile, in a related story, Desean Jackson (taken immediately after Williams) scored two more touchdowns this week.


Speaking of the draft, one of these days Commish will get around to reviewing the Draft Board again in its entirety.  Remember when Eron was nearly laughed out of the draft for his Miles Austin pick?  Very funny indeed. 



It turns out the Birdmen may not just be racist but also homophobic as well.  As Larry Johnson was accused of disparaging slurs this week, Birdman GM Adman publicly denounced the comments, but was later seen driving away in his Toyota Camry which apparently sported an “AIDS kills Fags dead” bumper sticker.  A more thorough investigation could follow in the coming weeks.



And now some pics:


 Chiefs Johnson Football

“That better not be a fag over there”




“You know we suck, right?”



The simple act of running, a feat most NFL players have mastered.



“Heeeeeeeeeeeere’s CARSON!”  (It’s Halloween)


(For the record, Commish is pissed he couldn’t find a picture of Miles Austin’s ghoulish grin from last week despite several google and SI attempts.)

Inter-Division War


Thanks to the Defender’s victory over Los Pescaderos this week, the Brotherhood of Mutants landed a rare counter-punch in the otherwise X-Men dominated Inter-Divisional War.  The small but significant stroke puts the series at 11-4 in favor of the X-Men.  This week we have a single inter-divisional battle, between the Brown Heap and The Birdmen, before heading into the following two weeks, which feature NOTHING but all out inter-division carnage. 




 “Hey Cyclops, here’s some lotion and some kleenex, you can beat yourself”




Bet Watch


Commish has decided to include an all new Bet Watch section this week.  Sadly, we have only one bet to talk about.  Remember, the Canucks and Crackheeds have a bet going where the team with the worse record must draft next year in a coconut bikini top.  By beating the Canucks this week (at their only meeting of the season), the Crackheeds just made the outcome a lot more interesting as the stretch run approaches.


Commish would like to take this time to encourage MORE bets, between other managers.  Gold was almost struck in the form of a drunken Brothers’ Buhr shouting match (“NO! NO! NO!”) a few weekends ago but unfortunately no concrete details regarding the superiority of wide receiving corps could be established to make an official bet and both managers went off in a huff.  Here’s hoping that in coming weeks another bet or two will come to fruition. 


(Do NOT force the Commish to go on a Commish Notes Strike until another bet of reasonable stature surfaces.  Commish will resort to this tactic if forced…)



Inside the Numb3rs




-First off strong work by Eron for the two comments last week which featured clips of the Numb3rs guy breaking down math in hilarious ways.   I love how in the first one he was furiously scribbling equations on a chalkboard as the other characters entered the room.  The act begs the question, what percent of the day does he spend scribbling furiously on a chalkboar?  The second one was also hilarious, when the Numb3rs Guy’s head snaps up as his colleague coolly dismissed math as having “no application to the real world” during the team’s cool-down beer session.  The scene could have been better if Numb3r’s Guy had ended up shaking the chick by the shoulders in anger (“You see NOW!?!”) after his “math is life” break down.   Thanks for those, E. (If there’s any chance you could find a flash animation of that guy scribbling furiously at the chalk board on a loop, Commish will put in these notes every week, and pay handsomely.)


-Speaking of Eron, congrats to his best ever (official, sorry Fwats) start to a MLOM season, going 7-0 and looking, at this point at least, destined to take home another Crown. 



-Cedric Benson, Norm’s Holdover of Holdovers, who single-handedly prompted the rule changes regarding not being forced to keep two Holdovers (aka The Cedric Benson Clause), is finally playing worthy of his (former) Holdover status.  He’s currently the NFL’s leading rusher and third best fantasy producer at the RB position.



From the Record Book This Week:


Strength of Schedule Update:


Hardest: Cobra Kai – 122.31 points

Easiest: The Brown Heap – 93.67 points



Most: Crackheeds, 48

Least: The Gang, 26


Passing Yards (Average per week):

Most: Birdmen, 301

Least: Cobra Kai, 221


Rushing Yards (Avg. per week)

Most: Defenders, 192

Least: Brown Heap, 89


Receiving Yards (Avg. Per Week)

Most:  Brown Heap, 323

Least: Crackheeds, 217


Top 3 Scoring QB’s this season, Total Points:

1)Schaub, Rat Pack, 184

2)Manning, Birdmen, 179

3)Brady, Brown Heap, 178


Top 3 Scoring RB’s this season, Total Points:

1)Peterson, Crackheeds 124

2)MJD, Defenders, 114

3)Benson, Defenders, 108


Top 3 Scoring WR’s this season, Total Points:

1)Andre Johnson, Cobra Kai, 94

2)Randy Moss, Canucks,  92

3)Steve Smith(NYG), The Gang, 92




All Pro/All Schmo Week 7





QB – Tony Romo, Los Pescaderos, 37.29 points


RB1 – Cedric Benson, Mormon Defenders, 24.75 points


RB2 – Ryan Grant, The Rat Pack, 22.03 points


WR1 – Chad Ochocinco, Mormon Defenders, 27.87 points


WR2 – Desean Jackson, Los Pescaderos, 24.42 points


WR3 – Wes Welker, The Rat Pack, 23.75 points


TE – Owen Daniels, The Rat Pack, 20.70 points


K – Nate Kaeding, LT’s Crackheeds, 13 points


DEF – New York Jets, Crackheeds, 27 points








QB – Eli Manning, Cobra Kai, 5.80 points


RB1 – Ahmad Bradshaw, Los Pescaderos, -0.17 points


RB2 – Brian Westbrook, GBP, 1.08 points


WR1 – Jericho Cotchery, GBP 0.00 points


WR2 – Hines Ward, Birdmen, 0.70 points


WR3 – Braylon Edwards, Crazy Canucks, 1.43 points


TE – Brent Celek, GBP, 2.03 points


K – Robbie Gould, GBP, 4.00 points


DEF – San Francisco, Birdmen, 4.00 points









-An odd list for the All Pros this week, featuring multiple Bengals, Tomy Romo, and Ryan Grant.  What the hell happened?


-Poor Jonny G becomes the first to lock down four full spots on the All Schmo team all by himself.  Yeesh.  Next time at least bench the injured guys.



Weekly Awards:


Game of the Week: Los Pescaderos vs. Mormon Defenders


Here’s to the only game that wasn’t a complete blow out!!  



Team of the Week:  The Gang


The Gang wasn’t the highest scoring team this week, but you could almost hear the collective sigh after they got their first win.  They have two games of 120 straight points after looking just horrible the first 5 weeks.  Could this team be – gulp – “hot” right now?  Congrats to PPR and the Gang.



Coach of the Week:  Eron


What else can be said?  Commish is tired of being on Eron’s jock each week but here I am again, fumbling at his zipper as I type.  A record setting 7-0 start.  First in points.  Only 3 transactions.  Eron is defending his Crown in style.  No other way to say it.  This train keeps rolling.  He’s coach of the week and coach of the first half of the season, no doubt.



Slap Chop ™ Official Power Rankings     



“Stop having boring tuna” 


Another tough week for the Power Ranking.  The Roston’s maintain the anchor positions, but the middle, as usual, is a mess.  



1.   The Rat Pack (7-0, 1st in points);  How does E-ron celebrate his record undefeated start?  There certainly was no party, and Commish is not sure who else caught this, but after his seventh straight win the defending Champ barely cracked a smile, choosing instead to berate Santonio Holmes for his sub-par performance in the midst of his 143 point victory!  At first Commish thought what nerve!  But on second thought, the act shows a relentless will to improve.  Perhaps it is this very Belichick-ian coaching ideal that explains why this team is where they are at the moment. 



2.  The Brown Heap (5-2, 4th in points);  Well, Commish suppose it has to be done.  With a 5-game winning streak, the Brown Heap is the second hottest team in the league.  Hell, even Slaton looks good the past couple of weeks.  The Heap are making the most of a dominant WR corps and MLOM’s easiest schedule to position themselves for a run, not only at the playoffs, but at the division title itself.  How big was that game in week 1 when the Brown Heap lost to the Rat Pack by a single point?  Huge, says Commish.  Unfortunately for the Heap, they do not get another shot at the defending Champs in the regular season.  But they’re certainly close enough, should the Rat Pack stumble a little bit, to take a stab at claiming the division as their own.



3.  The Birdmen (4-3, 6th in points);  Last week served as an ugly reminder to the Birdmen that Peyton Manning can’t do it all by himself.  He needs a little help, and in Week 7, he got none from his Birdmen teammates.  The Birdmen remain competitive, however, in a weaker division and thus it’s hard to drop them too far – yet.  Mostly they stay this high because Commish isn’t sure if the Crackheeds are for real yet, despite the strong 2-game win streak that they’re on.  Because of the power of the awarded bye week, the winner of this division, which is likely to be either the Heeds or the Birdmen in Commish’s estimation, will have to be no lower than third on this list.  The Birdmen keep this spot – for now.


4.  LT’s Crackheeds (3-4, 2nd in points);   Don’t look now but the Crackheeds have had monstrous back-to-back weeks and suddenly look more like contenders than pretenders.  That said, Commish always has the hardest time evaluating his own team objectively.  More than perhaps any other team, this team has the potential to shoot up and down the rankings precipitously from week to week.  Two weeks ago the Heeds were 1-4 and looked lost.  Fast forward to now and they have two solid wins, have been averaging 130+ points in that span, are second in overall points, and look like they might contend for the division.  Brees and Colston are looking like the second coming of K-dub and Isaac Bruce (from the Crackheed glory years), but better.  Commish anticipates that the week 12 rematch with the Birdmen will be huge. 


5.  Cobra Kai (2-5, 3rd in points);  Cobra Kai senseis teach us that  if a man can’t stand, a man can’t fight.  And if a man can’t see, a man can’t fight.  Well fantasy football teaches us that if a team can’t win, a team can’t compete for the Crown, even if they can put up points.  Commish still loves this team, but apparently the schedule makers don’t because Fwats has the hardest strength of schedule thus far, facing an average of 120 points per week.  The bad news is that the Cobra Kai are just 2-5 and seemed to doomed to high-scoring losses.  On the upside, it’s still early enough that if the Kai can catch a couple of breaks and snag a few wins in the coming weeks, they could be right back in the mix to contend for the playoffs, and then the Crown. 


6.  Los Pescadeors (3-4, 6th in points);  The Romo Express seems to be eerily similar to the McNabb Roller Coaster.  Some days great, other days horrible.  But where would Romo be this season without Miles Austin?  Commish shudders to think.  This past week while laughing at Roy Williams, Commish found himself wondering if there was such a thing as the reverse double-dip.  Say, a bad throw which is then dropped as well.  Not sure, but if it exists then Romo and Williams are a good bet to pull it off.  Los Pescaderos probably aren’t worthy of a ranking as low as sixth, but this team plays in a tough division, still feels a little messy, and must of course be punished at least one more week for wasting time on Roy Williams.  That’s not what championship teams do.  And trust Commish, as GM of the team that wasted a draft pick on Williams, he knows. 


7.  Crazy Canucks (4-3, 8th in points);   Hard to rank a division leader so low but the Canucks are riding a 3-game losing streak and have looked simply anemic in two of those 3 losses.  RB issues linger and Commish predicts that the Canucks will slowly fade out of contention in the coming weeks.  They’ve only scored over 100 points twice all year, and if they lose to the Gang this week, things could get even uglier up north.  If Forte can’t produce against Cleveland this week, then he might as well be cut.  Commish does like the Shonn Greene pick-up.  If nothing else, the Canucks have had a very solid year on the waiver wire.  Of course, they’ve had to, given how bad their draft was. 


8.  Mormon Defenders (2-5, 5th in points);  The Defenders put a nice win together last week despite not having the services of MJD, which is certainly a good sign.  They have the league’s best RB corps and if Matt Ryan could just settle down a little bit they’d have a good shot at shooting up the standings.  Commish feels like this ranking should be a bit higher, but needs to see some consistency and of course a few more wins first.  (Ending a four game losing streak was a good start.)  A victory over the Crackheeds this week would be huge, and if Norm could just come up with trash talk every week like he did last week against Gabe, Commish would rank him in the top three on principle alone. 


9.  The GBP (4-3, 9th in points);  Uh oh.  Things are starting to look dicey in Bong-ville.  Starting an injured WR is never a good sign, and now Westbrook is hurt.  Concussed?  Or just too stoned to play?  The whole team is banged up, with 4 players sporting the dreaded “Q” injury marking going into the week, including Reggie Wayne.  And then there is Terrell Owens and his complete lack of production.  (It’s apparently no coincidence he was drafted right next to Roy Williams.)  Suddenly the GBP are having a hard time scoring points, which never bodes well.  This team is in trouble. 


10.  The Gang (1-6, 10th in points); An official Commish congrats to Papa Roston for getting a much needed win and getting off the schnide.  And don’t look now, but the Gang have just put up two straight games of over 120 point.  Could things be coming together a little bit for MLOM’s elder statesman?  It’s certainly not impossible.  Commish wouldn’t want to play the Gang right now.  Teams like this with nothing to lose can just seem more dangerous.  And, on a random note, PPR has three defenses on his roster right now.  Odd. 




Well that’s it for week 7.  Good luck to all teams in week 8!




4 responses to “Commish Notes, Week 7, 2009

  • Adman

    Awesome notes. Two points.

    1) There is NO place for fags in the NFL locker rooms or coaching staff.

    2) Those Numb3rs clips in the comments from last weeks notes were golden. I missed them before. Nice work, E!

  • Fwats

    >Speaking of Eron, congrats to his best ever (official, sorry >Fwats) start to a MLOM season, going 7-0 and looking, at >this point at least, destined to take home another Crown.

    This is pure lunacy. Is this Planet of the Apes? Is there no one who remembers the history? I love how suddenly NO ONE remembers the Season of Gold, the one where some team kicked the living shit out of the entire league for 11 straight weeks, lost one match, than one the last one for a BEST EVER 13-1 record. Oh, I guess there was another reason that team also won the Scoring Title (this was before head to head) AND Team of the Year and Coach of the Year. I’m sure no one remembers that either. Boo hoo, the stupid Yahoo archive lost the data. I guess that means it never happened. Word of warning to the other teams:

    Watch out–if Yahoo loses the season data, your teams acheivements will promptly evaporate from history, as well as the memories of everyone else. We’re all tied into the MATRIX and you better pray no one wakes UP!

    I’ve suddenly lost all faith in this league.

  • discostup

    Yikes, didn’t realize it was such a touchy subject Fwats.

    If you only had one loss than you would have been 12-1 for the season (Or were we playing all the way into week 17 that year?). Then the playoff loss happened – I remember that. I’ll take your word for it – I didn’t remember if you had one or two losses in the regular season that year.

    Was it 10 wins before a loss, or 11? Do you remember who beat you in that regular season? I know it was the lowly eighth seeded Birdmen in the playoffs.

    Also, I don’t know what you mean with “before head to head”. I’m pretty sure this was always a head to head league.

    Eron, I think you just lost your record, because Fwats is right – though you do have the longest contiguous winning streak ever I believe going back to last season, including playoffs.

    Believe me Fwats, I wish that 2000 season was on record, too. I’d love to count your wins and such for that year, but since we can’t remember what everyone else did, it’s not fair I suppose.

    Anyway, apologies.


    • Fwats

      Yes, unfortunately it became a touchy subject, and it’s strictly Yahoo’s fault for omitting the records. You pointed out a few errors, though, in my bitter rant. I overlooked these items:

      -“Before Head to Head” – I actually meant before divisional play.

      -12-1, not 13-1. You’re right, it was 12-1 for the regular season. 1.21 Jigawatts won 11 games, then lost to the Rat Pack, in week 12, then won the last game of the season. Then we got eliminated by the Birdmen in the David vs. Goliath debacle where Fred “Birdman Bones” Taylor came off of injuries and blew up.

      As I remember, Adman then posted up about “calling his shot” to win the next playoff match, but got beat by somebody.

      But make no mistake, big ups to Eron for that longest “dynasty” win streak across multiple seasons.

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