Commish Notes, Week 6, 2009

Commish Notes Week SIXXX!  2009


Due to time constraints this week there will be no monologue to these notes and they will be generally “quicker” than usual.  Just a few pics to capture the spirit of the fantasy week.  Enjoy!



McNabb as your fantasy quarterback – the ride! 




Hey look everybody!  It’s Number 27 on the Giants – Brandon Jacobs!



The Canucks go up early on the Trout, but it wasn’t to last…




Proud Sponsor of your Game of the Week!



What’s wrong TO?  Bad season got you down? 



Aww isn’t that cute?  It’s the GBP vs. Pescas cat fight!


(Sorry about the giraffe and the donkey.  Some things are just too hard to resist.  By the way, that can’t be comfortable for any party involved.)


Inter-Division War


The beat-down continues this week with the Brown Trout laying the wood to the Canucks.  The X-Men lead the series 11-3.  The magic number remains 15, though Commish is admittedly looking in the Mercy Rule section of the rule book at this point.  This week, our lone inter-division game features the reeling Defenders up against the Pescaderos. 



 Canada’s Shame!


Inside the Numb3rs


-Congrats to Eron for starting a record-breaking 6-0.  He hasn’t lost a game since week 11 of the 2008 season.   Including post-season play, he is on a very impressive 11-game winning streak.  Commish isn’t sure if that is the best ever in MLOM  (too lazy to do the research at the moment), but he’s pretty sure it is.  Either way, it’s impressive.


-3 out of 4 possible games had lead changes on Monday Night Madness this week.  For the Crackheeds, the third straight week of MNM was the charm, as they finally got a much needed come-from-behind win.


-Coaching report.  Feeling bad about your loss this week?  Well, no matter, because no team was technically “outcoached” this week.  Every game’s optimal match-up result was the same as the actual result, according to Stattracker (Tm). 


-This week was the first time since 2007 that 2 teams have gone over 150 points in the same week.


-Optimal  score for the Crackheeds this week was 176.3, close to the single game scoring record of 181. 


-If every team has played their optimal roster this week, 7 out of 10 teams would have had a confirmed “blow up” (over 130 points).  As it stands, 4 teams got there with their actual score.


-Not sure what was going on with that GBP vs. Los Pescaderos game in comparison to every other game this week.  Was it played in a monsoon?   Three individual teams outscored this entire game’s total output this week.


From the Record Book This Week:


Strength of Schedule Update:


Hardest: Mormon Defenders, 121.40 points

Easiest: GBP, 92.30 points



Most: Crackheeds, 40

Least: The Gang, 21


Passing Yards (Average per week):

Most: Birdmen, 312

Least: Cobra Kai, 218


Rushing Yards (Avg. per week)

Most: Crackheeds, 198

Least: Brown Heap, 86


Receiving Yards (Avg. Per Week)

Most:  Brown Heap, 333

Least: Crackheeds, 209


Top 3 Scoring QB’s this season, Total Points:

1)Schaub, Rat Pack, 160

2)Manning, Birdmen, 150

3)Brady, Brown Heap, 149


Top 3 Scoring RB’s this season, Total Points:

1)MJD (Defenders) 114

2)Ray Rice (Cobra Kai)  108

3)Adrian Peterson (Crackheeds)  107


Top 3 Scoring WR’s this season, Total Points:

1)Andre Johnson (Cobra Kai),  89

2)Steve Smith (The Gang), 85

3)Randy Moss (Canucks), 85



All Pro/All Schmo Week 6


ALL PROS – Week 6

QB – Tom “So Pretty” Brady (Brown Heap)  57.37 points

RB1 – Maurice “Indiana” Jones-Drew (Mormon Defenders) 34.58 points

RB2 – Ray “Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it” Rice Rice Baby  (Cobra Kai) 34.22 points

WR1 – Randy “You can be my black Kate” Moss “tonight” (Crazy Canucks) 33.60 points

WR2 – Wes “Moon” Welker (Rat Pack) 30.00 points

WR3 – “Yo this” Marques “Baby!” Colston (Crackheeds) 24.07 points

TE – Owen Daniels-San (Rat Pack) 20.70 points

K – Ryan “OMG it’s so” Long(!)well (The Gang) 16 points

DEF – Packers (Canucks) 26 points


Total All Pro Points, Week 6: 276.54 points (New Record!)





QB – Donovan McFlabb (Cobra Kai)  9.87 points

RB1 – Brandon Tankobs (The Gang) 3.38 points

RB2  – Matt “Running well is not my” Forte (Canucks) 3.88 points

WR1 – “The Other” Steve Smith (Defenders) 0.77 points

WR2 – Michelle Owens (GBP)  3.12 points

WR3 – Mushin “Mush” Muhammad (GBP) 3.30 points

TE – John “as in toilet” Carlson (Los Pescaderos) 4.67 points

K – Josh “didn’t you learn from my goose egg last week?” Scobee (Defenders) 5.0 points

DEF – Tie, Balt/Minn (GBP/Los Pescaderos) – 0 points


Total Schmo Points, Week 6:  33.99 points  (A new high for the All Schmo’s)



Weekly Awards:


Game of the Week:


The Brown Heap (145.53) over the Crazy Canucks (130.74)


What can be said?  High Scoring affair?  Check.  Lots of highlights coming in the snow?  Check.  Close game coming down to MNM?  Check.  Hot iFisting Action between managers who are not-so-secretly in love with each other?  Check.  Yup, this game had all that and more.    It’s a no brainer.  Commish presents your game of the week!


Team of The Week:


The Rat Pack


Well, the rich get richer.  Congrats to the Rat Pack, who throw up the highest score of the season so far, and in the process extend their legendary winning streak and claim the all-time best start to a MLOM season. 


Coach of the Week:


For all the reasons above.  Right now, this team and this coach can do no wrong. 


Slap Chop (Tm) Official Power Rankings


“Breakfast to Go”


(Note: Remember, Commish sees the Power Rankings as a combination of past success and future potential.  In my eyes, this is “Who has the best chance of winning the Crown as it stands right now” list.  Record becomes more important as the season goes on and playoff contention looms.  Commish had a tough time with the rankings this week.  Number 1 and Number 10 are easy (thanks Rostons!)  In the middle, however, is a much different story. The rest of this shit is a mess.  Let’s see what Commish can come up with..)


1. The Rat Pack (6-0, 2nd in points);  A no brainer.  And now Commish will expend no further brain power thinking about this rank, because here come 2 thru 9….

2. The Birdmen (4-2, 3rd in points);  Commish doesn’t love the Birdmen in this spot – at all – but hear me out.  4-2 record already.  Peyton Manning against a sap schedule most of the year.  Birdmen play in the weak “Brotherhood of Mutants” division.  Great WR corps.  Great TE.  Very questionable RBs, and that’s their issue right now.  But with Peyton Manning able to single handedly win some games, this team has a good shot of winning the division, getting that first round bye, and then just getting hot for two weeks.  And if they settle out their RB issues, they could be really strong down the stretch.  Commish thinks they have better odds, as it stands right now, then every other remaining team to take a shot at the Crown.  All that said, this rank still seems too high.  But who else is a better call right now than the 2005 All Stars? 

3. Cobra Kai (2-4, 1st in points);  By all accounts, the Cobra Kai should either be a 5-1 team, or be much lower on this list.  But here they are in this middling third spot.  Commish still loves this team with one HUGE question mark.  Quarterback.  That McNabb Roller Coaster is a big, unsightly monstrosity with creaky wood and safety hazards galore.  The ride can be great, no doubt, but it can be sickening too, with the potential to end in tear-stained vomit or worse – death.  Fwats needs to get more wins or he WILL drop down these rankings further.  He also needs to settle the QB situation.  No way McNabb takes anybody to a Crown if they have to play 3 straight playoff games with him.  McNabb simply can’t do 3 straight games.  Commish says again, he simply can’t.

4. The Brown Heap (4-2, 5th in points);  Congrats to the Heap, who make the biggest leap of any team this week.  From 8th to 4th.  Look, I don’t like it.  I don’t like it all.  In fact, I hate every ranking in this list from 2-9.  But here it is.  Is Brady back?  Commish doesn’t want to believe it.  But if it’s true, then this team is legit.  They already have 4 wins, a good start.  The WR corps is great, and arguably tops in the league.  The problem here, like with several teams, is the RB spot.  It’s the same problem the Birdmen, GBP, and Canucks have.  But at 4-2, and steadily moving up the points chain, the Heap have to be considered as one of the top half teams.  And despite the RB issues, they have more upside than just about any team aside from the Crackheeds (but they have it with 2 more wins already).  So congrats to the Heap for making it to the “Top Half”.  Don’t screw it up.

5. Los Pescaderos (3-3, 7th in points);  Look, Commish has few rules but here’s one of them:  If you pick up the talentless, unathletic hack known as Roy Williams and put him in your line-up, you drop at LEAST two spots in the Power Rankings. It’s that simple.  And that’s just what Gabe did.  Plus, this teams feels a little messy right now.  Romo is a mess.  Megatron might be hurt.  They still have solid talent all around, and could move back up in time, but something just feels off about the Pescaderos at this point.  Oh wait, that’s just Roy Williams again.  That guy sucks.   Commish, for one, cannot WAIT to root against him every time Romo drops back to throw. 

6.  Crazy Canucks (4-2, 6th in points);  Somehow the Canucks actually climb this week after a loss, though Commish honestly isn’t too sure how or why.  Basically it’s the 4 wins that keep this team this high right now.  Commish doesn’t trust the Canucks. Commish loves Rodgers, Moss, Burleson, Clark, and the Lance Moore pick-up.  Commish hates just about everyone else on this team.  The Canuck backfield is atrocious.  Commish has a fun idea!   No one trade a RB to the Canucks!  It’ll be funny to see how this plays out.  Big game this week against the Heeds.  A Heeds win could really flip these rankings up a bit…

7. The GBP (4-2, 9th in points);  The GBP go from 4th to 7th this week.  Commish loves Rivers and Wayne, but that’s where it ends for this team.  Key GBP’ers that Commish doesn’t trust:  Antonio Bryant, Cotchery, TO, Mendenhall, Barber, Westbrook, Addai, Winslow, Stewart.  Oh wait, that’s basically the whole team after Rivers and Wayne.  Commish has to respect the 4 wins, but 9th in points tells a different story.  Frankly, Commish is worried about the GBP down the stretch. 

8. LT’s Crackheeds (2-4, 4th in points);  This team is ridiculously up and down.  Averaging 150 points in 2 wins and about 87 points in 4 losses.  Commish suspects that no one likes playing against this team despite the fact they’re more likely to win than lose thus far this season.   QB play and RB play are solid.  The WR corps seems to be improving (amazing what losing Roy Williams can do for your team).  Eddie Royal remains a riddle wrapped in an enigma.  Unfortunately, this team simply has trouble winning.  But if they manage to get a few more in these coming weeks Commish will gladly move them up this ladder.

9. Mormon Defenders (1-5,  8th in points); The Defenders drop 3 spots this week because after their stable of RB’s and Brandon Marshall, they are sort of a mess.  Also, they only have 1 win.  Commish foresees a lot of weeks where Norm is trying to find the best RB for the week only to have his high point guys sitting on the bench, a la Thomas Jones and his 200 yards this week.  Should Norm look to trade a RB to one of the RB challenged teams for an upgrade somewhere else?  Commish says yes -as long as it’s not with the Canucks. 

10. The Gang (0-6, 10th in points);  Ugh.  The Commish would like to express his condolences to the struggling Gang.   How about that 9-game win streak in 2003 again?!




Good luck to all teams this week,




2 responses to “Commish Notes, Week 6, 2009

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