Commish Notes – Week 3

Here’s what we saw in the NFL in week 3. 

 

Brett Favre threw a last second laser into the back of the endzone to beat the 49ers.  The play, a Hail Mary pass to Greg Lewis, spawned several repercussions.  First, Iwan and Gabe lost their bets on the last second Minnesota win and went limp on Commish’s couch.  Second, Greg Lewis fantasy owners everywhere were thrilled.  (Oh wait, there were none.)   Third, somewhere in front of a TV on a large Lazy-Boy underneath a silo’s worth of snacks, John Madden climaxed noisily.  Fourth, that single play guaranteed that the phrase “He’s just a football player!” would come out over and over again from multiple talking heads until we were all tempted to smash our own heads repeatedly into the nearest wall.  And perhaps most importantly, the play overshadowed the fact that Brett Favre wears a jersey four sizes too big and should be really be known from here on out as, simply, “The Blouse”.  

 

But hey, he’s just a football player.   Can we all agree on this?

 

Kansas City Chiefs at Minnesota Vikings

Enter:  The Blouse.  He’s Just a Football Player.

Week 3 also showed us that Marc Bulger is unlikely to survive strong wind gusts, much less an NFL football game, Kurt Warner and Aaron Rodger continue to take a beating behind shoddy line play, and Chad Pennington’s shoulder is done, but hey it will only be the third major surgery on his Top Ramen sponsored throwing arm, so he should be fine next season.  We think that Tom Brady isn’t quite Tom Brady yet, but may become Tom Brady soon, whatever that means.  Likewise, Kevin Kolb might be a gamer, Mark “Dirty” Sanchez is almost assuredly a gamer, and though Brady Quinn isn’t a gamer at all he has such a nicely developing pretty-boy pouty-face it makes Commish think Quinn is taking lessons from Billy Baldwin himself.  We still know that Byron “Catapult Arm” Leftwich, Jake “Threw two picks while I was typing this sentence” Delhomme, and Jamarcus “couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn – no really – literally – I’m positive and absolutely mean it” Russell are who we thought they were, and remain by far the most entertaining train-wreck quarterbacks in the NFL to watch.  We’ve seen that Matthew Stafford might be somebody someday, Jason Campbell probably won’t, Kerry Collins never really was (and still can’t close his mouth, not even while sitting on a couch watching a movie), and Jay Cutler will forever wear an expression that makes him look like a trust-fund frat boy who just learned his brand new Escalade was scratched by the valet.  Lastly, we think that Carson Palmer might still have it, Peyton Manning definitely still has it, and Brett Favre is just a football player. 

 

 Browns Ravens Football

He learned from the best

 

billy baldwin

So hot.

 

jay_cutler_sack

Commish just thought this picture was funny.  His face makes me think of an SNL Sean Penn impression.

 

And now onto MLOM.   (For an amusing blog post about Brady Quinn, click here.) 

 

Week 3 is too early, in Commish’s opinion, to really form a solid opinion about who will emerge this year.  With the exception of Papa Roston’s lowly 262 points, every other team falls within a 44 point range (range: 298-342) of each other.  We have two undefeated teams, but one of those teams (the Canucks) is by no means impressive, amassing just a single game outing of over 100 points.  Let Commish take this time to remind everyone that after holding over Moss and Forte, and after taking Aaron Rodgers in the third round, the Canucks draft went like this:  Portis, Braylon Edwards, Berrian, Dallas Clark, and Jamal Lewis – in that order.  Of those, only one is any good at all (Clark, admittedly a beast), and the rest are junk.  Utter junk.  And that’s a 3-0 team?   Likewise, the long-suffering Cobra Kai are the highest scoring team in the league (342 points), and yet sit at 1-2 after two tough losses.  The point is, three weeks in, fantasy football’s winners and losers remain a mystery, and the Slap Chop Power Rankings (Tm) are going to be difficult.  And that’s why Commish will be putting them off until next week.  Let’s move on to the games after a brief look at the inter-division war. 

 

 

Inter-Division War

 

The only inter-division game this week was PPR versus his first-born Eron and the result was a Gang loss.  The result, a 2-1 lead for the X-men going into Week 4.  Week 4, of course, is the first of four all-out inter-division brawl weeks which will shape the entire inter-division war as a whole as the season goes on. 

 

 45-1x-menwcyclopsandquicksilver

 When Mutants Clash – Indeed!

 

1-3

 Let’s Get this Mutant War started!

 

 

The Games (perhaps for the last time) :

 

Fightin’ Birdmen 135.26 over LT’s Crackheeds 75.48

 

 

Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(NO – QB)
@Buf W, 27-7 21.89 4.41
WR
(NO – WR)
@Buf W, 27-7 13.45 6.47
WR
(Dal – WR)
Car W, 21-7 6.88 7.00
WR
(StL – WR) IR
GB L, 36-17 5.40 2.73
RB
(Min – RB)
SF W, 27-24 18.76 9.02
RB
(Mia – RB)
@SD L, 23-13 11.49 10.42
TE
(Chi – TE)
@Sea W, 25-19 5.71 11.43
K
(NO – K)
@Buf W, 27-7 8.89 9.00
DEF
(NYJ – DEF)
Ten W, 24-17 10.12 15.00
Total       102.59 75.48
       
Points
Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(Ind – QB)
@Ari W, 31-10 21.81 40.05
WR
(GB – WR) P
@StL W, 36-17 9.12 10.87
WR
(Pit – WR)
@Cin L, 23-20 9.80 7.47
WR
(Chi – WR)
@Sea W, 25-19 5.66 12.33
RB
(Det – RB) Q
Was W, 19-14 10.68 14.12
RB
(Buf – RB)
NO L, 27-7 19.28 9.65
TE
(SD – TE)
Mia W, 23-13 8.75 6.77
K
(NE – K)
Atl W, 26-10 9.59 14.00
DEF
(Den – DEF)
@Oak W, 23-3 8.57 20.00
Total       103.26 135.26

 

-A dominating win for the Birdmen, no other way to say it.  The margin of victory was a whopping 59.78 points, and proved that Peyton Manning indeed does have a bigger penis than Drew Brees, as many were reportedly wondering.  (Now if only the Birdmen would talk a little pre-game trash and THEN back it up, rather than wimping out of all pre-game trash talk only to derisively analyze his opponents’ talk later, then the Commish might actually have a little more respect for the B-men….)

 

-Nice match-up play by the Birdmen to utilize the Bronco’s defense against the lowly Raiders.  In chess terms, this strategy would be called the “Jamarcus Gambit”, a highly effective defensive strategy favored by the Russian Grand-Masters. 

 

-Note to league: When Brees and Adrian Peterson have off-days together – the Heeds are in serious trouble.

 

-Let us mark an official begin and end to the “Low Rent” Robinson era for the Crackheeds, a waiver-wire flyer who went down for the season after producing 2.73 points.  It’s a shame – he nearly outplayed Roy Williams.

 

-Speaking of Roy Williams…actually just don’t get me started.

 

-Updated Series Record:  LT’s Crackheeds 8 wins, Birdmen 7 wins (4 of the 7 Birdmen wins against the Crackheeds have been blowouts, including this one). 

 

 

 

Crazy Canucks 121.95 over Mormon Defenders 102.65

 

Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(Atl – QB)
@NE L, 26-10 15.83 8.22
WR
(Car – WR)
@Dal L, 21-7 10.76 4.53
WR
(Was – WR)
@Det L, 19-14 9.73 25.87
WR
(Cin – WR)
Pit W, 23-20 7.51 6.10
RB
(Jac – RB)
@Hou W, 31-24 18.23 34.78
RB
(Ten – RB)
@NYJ L, 24-17 11.66 9.12
TE
(Was – TE)
@Det L, 19-14 10.13 4.03
K
(SD – K)
Mia W, 23-13 8.77 11.00
DEF
(Atl – DEF)
@NE L, 26-10 6.95 -1.00
Total       99.57 102.65
       
Points
Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(GB – QB)
@StL W, 36-17 18.12 31.37
WR
(NE – WR)
Atl W, 26-10 9.38 15.73
WR
(Sea – WR)
Chi L, 25-19 6.54 14.81
WR
(Min – WR)
SF W, 27-24 7.42 6.25
RB
(Was – RB) Q
@Det L, 19-14 11.71 4.40
RB
(Chi – RB) P
@Sea W, 25-19 13.60 11.17
TE
(Ind – TE)
@Ari W, 31-10 12.02 14.22
K
(Bal – K)
Cle W, 34-3 8.97 10.00
DEF
(GB – DEF)
@StL W, 36-17 14.97 14.00
Total       102.73 121.95

-Finally the Canucks grab a win they can be proud of, while the Defenders squander away a huge day from Jones-Drew. 

 

-The Canucks utilized a who’s who of different generations of Viking’s WR’s this week: Moss, Burleson, and Berrian. 

 

-In the battle of Moss vs. Moss, what were the odds that Santana would outplay Randy?  50:1?  Off the table?  Yet it happened.  Why weren’t we betting on this?

 

-If Norm had started his current WR corps. of Steve Smith, Santana Moss, and Chad Johnson in 2005, he would have been unstoppable.  Repeat: Unstoppable.   Oh wait, it’s 2009. 

 

-50% of Norm’s points came from two players, MJD and Santana Moss. 

 

-Updated Series Record:  Canucks 5 wins, Defenders 6 wins. 

 

 

 

The GBP 104.38 over Cobra Kai 97.31

Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(SD – QB)
Mia W, 23-13 19.81 17.84
WR
(Ind – WR)
@Ari W, 31-10 17.21 20.90
WR
(Buf – WR)
NO L, 27-7 10.17 0.00
WR
(NYJ – WR)
Ten W, 24-17 7.98 20.88
RB
(Ind – RB)
@Ari W, 31-10 9.14 13.28
RB
(Car – RB)
@Dal L, 21-7 8.14 2.05
TE
(TB – TE)
NYG L, 24-0 6.92 2.43
K
(Chi – K)
@Sea W, 25-19 8.65 5.00
DEF
(Bal – DEF)
Cle W, 34-3 13.58 22.00
Total       101.60 104.38
       
Points
Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(NYG – QB)
@TB W, 24-0 18.09 19.30
WR
(Hou – WR)
Jac L, 31-24 15.50 7.73
WR
(Ari – WR)
Ind L, 31-10 9.14 14.53
WR
(Min – WR)
SF W, 27-24 9.58 17.93
RB
(Atl – RB)
@NE L, 26-10 9.58 7.67
RB
(Bal – RB)
Cle W, 34-3 13.19 14.58
TE
(Atl – TE)
@NE L, 26-10 10.73 1.57
K
(Dal – K)
Car W, 21-7 8.55 7.00
DEF
(Phi – DEF)
KC W, 34-14 14.58 7.00
Total       108.94 97.31

 

 

-Updated Series Record:   GBP 10 wins, Cobra Kai 5 wins;

 

-Commish finds it odd to think that Fwats lost this game possibly BECAUSE of his holdovers, with Turner and Johnson combining for just 15 points despite good play his other players (Defense, Kicker, and TE excluded of course).  

 

-TO’s streak of 185 games with a catch came crashing to an end this week – a streak spanning over 11 seasons, and thus he put up his first ever official goose egg in MLOM.  The lack of points didn’t affect the GBP however. 

 

The Rat Pack 99.91 over the Gang 90.88

 

Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(Hou – QB)
Jac L, 31-24 22.61 32.53
WR
(Ari – WR)
Ind L, 31-10 13.74 8.57
WR
(Pit – WR)
@Cin L, 23-20 10.84 1.70
WR
(Chi – WR)
@Sea W, 25-19 3.96 9.33
RB
(GB – RB)
@StL W, 36-17 11.22 9.08
RB
(Dal – RB) O
Car W, 21-7 14.89 9.67
TE
(Hou – TE)
Jac L, 31-24 6.45 11.03
K
(NYG – K)
@TB W, 24-0 9.79 3.00
DEF
(NYG – DEF)
@TB W, 24-0 10.64 15.00
Total       104.14 99.91
       
Points
Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(Ari – QB)
Ind L, 31-10 19.17 16.46
WR
(GB – WR)
@StL W, 36-17 8.22 15.42
WR
(NYG – WR)
@TB W, 24-0 7.26 13.70
WR
(Mia – WR)
@SD L, 23-13 7.77 0.00
RB
(Car – RB)
@Dal L, 21-7 12.91 7.00
RB
(NYG – RB)
@TB W, 24-0 10.66 13.67
TE
(Dal – TE)
Car W, 21-7 9.46 9.63
K
(Min – K)
SF W, 27-24 8.98 12.00
DEF
(Pit – DEF)
@Cin L, 23-20 12.92 3.00
Total       97.35 90.88

 

-Battle of the Roston Haus Updated Series Record: Rat Pack 6 wins;  The Gang 4 wins;

 

-Commish is thinking that Matt Schaub has real boom or bust potential this year, but it’s his 32 points which powered the younger Roston over the Gang.  (Kurt Warner kind of did look over the hill out there last week – a fitting QB for the Gang?)

 

-Earl Bennett of the Rat Pack outplayed both Super Bowl hero WRs this week (Fitz and Holmes)

 

 

 

The Brown Heap 94.83 over Los Pescadeos 76.86

 

Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(NE – QB) P
Atl W, 26-10 20.35 17.49
WR
(Atl – WR)
@NE L, 26-10 11.03 3.60
WR
(SD – WR)
Mia W, 23-13 12.61 13.50
WR
(Hou – WR)
Jac L, 31-24 10.03 16.82
RB
(Hou – RB)
Jac L, 31-24 10.53 10.30
RB
(SD – RB)
Mia W, 23-13 18.56 8.39
TE
(Bal – TE) P
Cle W, 34-3 5.58 4.73
K
(GB – K)
@StL W, 36-17 8.72 10.00
DEF
(Chi – DEF)
@Sea W, 25-19 10.04 10.00
Total       107.45 94.83
       
Points
Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(Dal – QB)
Car W, 21-7 16.42 13.14
WR
(Det – WR)
Was W, 19-14 11.82 6.52
WR
(Sea – WR)
Chi L, 25-19 8.25 1.33
WR
(NYG – WR)
@TB W, 24-0 12.21 5.67
RB
(SF – RB) O
@Min L, 27-24 10.30 0.33
RB
(NO – RB)
@Buf W, 27-7 10.42 25.50
TE
(Sea – TE)
Chi L, 25-19 9.22 3.37
K
(Phi – K)
KC W, 34-14 9.05 10.00
DEF
(Min – DEF)
SF W, 27-24 13.50 11.00
Total       101.19 76.86

 

-Family week continues in MLOM with the Buhr Meat-Up (Tm);  Justin’s win over Gabe evens the series. 

 

-Buhr Meat-Up Updated Series Record:   6 wins apiece

 

-What a nice stroke by Manager Justin Buhr to walk his team back out of the locker room after the game to shake hands with the fans who have stuck with this team through all the losses.  A real classy move.

 

-I got nothing else to say about this game, let’s just get these damn notes done, eh?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And lastly for this week, your All Pros and All Schmoes

 

ALL PRO’S

 

QB – Peyton Manning (Birdmen) 40.05 points

 

RB1 – Maurice Jones-Drew (Defenders) 34.78 points

 

RB2- Pierre Thomas (Pescaderos) 25.25 points

 

WR1 – Santana Moss (Defenders) 25.87 points

 

WR2 – Reggie Wayne (GBP) 20.90 points

 

WR3 – Jericho Cotchery (GBP) 20.88 points

 

TE – Dallas Clark (Canucks) 14.22 points

 

K – Stephen Gostkowski (Birdmen) 14.00 points

 

DEF – Baltimore (GBP) 22.00 points

 

 

Total: 217.95 points

 

ALL SCHMOE’S

 

QB – Drew Brees (Crackheeds) 4.41 points

 

RB1 – Frank Gore (Pescaderos) 0.33 points

 

RB2 – Jonathan Stewart (GBP) 2.05 points

 

WR1 – Terrell Owens (GBP) 0.00 points

 

WR2 – Tedd Ginn Jr. (Gang) 0.00 points

 

WR3 – TJ Houshmanzadeh (Pescaderos) 1.33 points

 

TE – Tony Gonazalez (Cobra Kai) 1.57 points

 

K – Lawrence Tynes (Rat Pack) 3.00 points

 

DEF – Atlanta (Defenders)  MINUS 1.0 points

 

Total: 11.69 points

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7 responses to “Commish Notes – Week 3

  • Birdman

    “Now if only the Birdmen would talk a little pre-game trash and THEN back it up…”

    BAWWWWWWW cupcakes…

  • Gabe

    The commish is totally right-on with his comment about the complete lack of value any post game smack talk has when not paired with some vocalized pre-game support….and yet… .he Birdmen continue in their weak ways.

  • Fwats

    Ah….goodbye game-by-game analyseeez. We hardly knew ye.

    And I have no problem if you want to just skip over the Cobra Kai v Birdmen matchup for week 4…unless ‘No Mercy’ Percy score 50 points…ugh.

  • Birdman

    “The commish is totally right-on with his comment about the complete lack of value any post game smack talk has when not paired with some vocalized pre-game support…”

    BAWWWW!

    I stand by what I said. If you talk trash, you better show up on the field. And if you get completely blown up after talking “Mommy likes” smack, you’re going to hear about it.

    Don’t like it? Try winning. (Do you remember what that feels like, Pescas? I know it’s been a while…)

  • Gabe

    And if you don’t talk trash before the game then you can still swoop in and squawk about how great your team is after the fact. It takes real feathers to stand up and say you are great after you have won.

    Sounds like a Birdmen/Pesca bet may be in order when we play each other this year….or are you chicken?!

    • Birdman

      Whatever. I was merely stating the facts:

      1) GM Crackheeds called me out pre-game (and the Pescas thought this was SO clever…)
      2) All the votes went to GM Crackheeds to win.
      3) GM Crackheeds got his ass handed to him.
      4) Mommy likes.

      And really, what choice did I have? “‘Bitin’ Turd-men’… Ha, good one, Crackheeds! Boy, that really was a close game, wasn’t it? I was sweating there for a while, but was lucky to just pull out a victory in the end!”

      Please.

      I don’t know what your plan is, but the only thing that matters to me is winning games, and the sweet, sweet Crown of Tinfoil. Everything else is beside the point.

      So you guys go ahead and talk trash all you want… that’s just not my style. Just make sure that if you do, you don’t forget to actually bring a game, too.

  • Gabe

    Talking trash, after the fact is weak Birdman. Its easy to boast after a win. Try showing some confidence in your team before the opening kick off, and then you can relish in the post game victory taunts all you like.

    I’m serious about the bet. Week 9 Feathers vs. Fins. Let’s rock.

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