Monthly Archives: October 2009

Commish Notes, Week 7, 2009

Commish Notes Week 7

 

 

Thoughts and Recap

 

Week 7 was a big week in MLOM, particularly in the topsy-turvy Brotherhood of Mutants Division.  The leading teams lost and the trailing teams won creating a mish-mash of potential division contenders.  With 6 games to go, 4 of the teams are separated by just 2 games – it’s anybody’s ball game.  The Canucks managed to wrest leadership of the Division back somehow, even though they lost their league-leading third straight, an act which personifies the status of the division itself.  The bottom line is that the division is a mess.

 

Week 7 was also one of those weeks in which every winning team would have beaten every losing team.  Nobody was outcoached, per se, as no one’s “Optimal” Line-up would have been enough to overcome their enemy had everything else remained the same.  Teams were simply outplayed.  Four of the five victories were bonafide Blow Outs (Margin of Victory greater than 40 points), with only Los Pescaderos keeping it “close” – they lost by just 33 points.  The winning teams averaged over 130 points and the losers about 90.  Three of the losing teams put up scores within 1.5 points of each other’s.  Had those teams played head to head, there perhaps would have been drama.  As it stood, there wasn’t much drama or Monday Night Madness to speak of for once.  (Commish suspects that putting the Redskins on MNF is a good way to kill or at least severely diminish any chance of Monday Night Madness.)

 

 

Gabe’s “Roy Williams Experiment” ended in disaster this week as predicted.  Let it be known that Commish howled with glee every time the ex-Crackheed ran a lazy route, stood around with hands on hips after not being thrown to, or dropped an easy catch.  I have witnesses.  It wasn’t all fun, however, because for each hilarious Williams mistake, Commish was bitterly reminded of his wasted fifth round draft pick.  Meanwhile, in a related story, Desean Jackson (taken immediately after Williams) scored two more touchdowns this week.

 

Speaking of the draft, one of these days Commish will get around to reviewing the Draft Board again in its entirety.  Remember when Eron was nearly laughed out of the draft for his Miles Austin pick?  Very funny indeed. 

 

 

It turns out the Birdmen may not just be racist but also homophobic as well.  As Larry Johnson was accused of disparaging slurs this week, Birdman GM Adman publicly denounced the comments, but was later seen driving away in his Toyota Camry which apparently sported an “AIDS kills Fags dead” bumper sticker.  A more thorough investigation could follow in the coming weeks.

 

 

And now some pics:

 

 Chiefs Johnson Football

“That better not be a fag over there”

 

 

58613777

“You know we suck, right?”

 

Cowboys-Roy-Williams-has-shoulder-injury

The simple act of running, a feat most NFL players have mastered.

 

palmer

“Heeeeeeeeeeeere’s CARSON!”  (It’s Halloween)

 

(For the record, Commish is pissed he couldn’t find a picture of Miles Austin’s ghoulish grin from last week despite several google and SI attempts.)

Inter-Division War

 

Thanks to the Defender’s victory over Los Pescaderos this week, the Brotherhood of Mutants landed a rare counter-punch in the otherwise X-Men dominated Inter-Divisional War.  The small but significant stroke puts the series at 11-4 in favor of the X-Men.  This week we have a single inter-divisional battle, between the Brown Heap and The Birdmen, before heading into the following two weeks, which feature NOTHING but all out inter-division carnage. 

 

 

377-3

 “Hey Cyclops, here’s some lotion and some kleenex, you can beat yourself”

 

 

 

Bet Watch

 

Commish has decided to include an all new Bet Watch section this week.  Sadly, we have only one bet to talk about.  Remember, the Canucks and Crackheeds have a bet going where the team with the worse record must draft next year in a coconut bikini top.  By beating the Canucks this week (at their only meeting of the season), the Crackheeds just made the outcome a lot more interesting as the stretch run approaches.

 

Commish would like to take this time to encourage MORE bets, between other managers.  Gold was almost struck in the form of a drunken Brothers’ Buhr shouting match (“NO! NO! NO!”) a few weekends ago but unfortunately no concrete details regarding the superiority of wide receiving corps could be established to make an official bet and both managers went off in a huff.  Here’s hoping that in coming weeks another bet or two will come to fruition. 

 

(Do NOT force the Commish to go on a Commish Notes Strike until another bet of reasonable stature surfaces.  Commish will resort to this tactic if forced…)

 

 

Inside the Numb3rs

 

 numb3rsdumb

 

-First off strong work by Eron for the two comments last week which featured clips of the Numb3rs guy breaking down math in hilarious ways.   I love how in the first one he was furiously scribbling equations on a chalkboard as the other characters entered the room.  The act begs the question, what percent of the day does he spend scribbling furiously on a chalkboar?  The second one was also hilarious, when the Numb3rs Guy’s head snaps up as his colleague coolly dismissed math as having “no application to the real world” during the team’s cool-down beer session.  The scene could have been better if Numb3r’s Guy had ended up shaking the chick by the shoulders in anger (“You see NOW!?!”) after his “math is life” break down.   Thanks for those, E. (If there’s any chance you could find a flash animation of that guy scribbling furiously at the chalk board on a loop, Commish will put in these notes every week, and pay handsomely.)

 

-Speaking of Eron, congrats to his best ever (official, sorry Fwats) start to a MLOM season, going 7-0 and looking, at this point at least, destined to take home another Crown. 

 

 

-Cedric Benson, Norm’s Holdover of Holdovers, who single-handedly prompted the rule changes regarding not being forced to keep two Holdovers (aka The Cedric Benson Clause), is finally playing worthy of his (former) Holdover status.  He’s currently the NFL’s leading rusher and third best fantasy producer at the RB position.

 

 

From the Record Book This Week:

 

Strength of Schedule Update:

 

Hardest: Cobra Kai – 122.31 points

Easiest: The Brown Heap – 93.67 points

 

Touchdowns:

Most: Crackheeds, 48

Least: The Gang, 26

 

Passing Yards (Average per week):

Most: Birdmen, 301

Least: Cobra Kai, 221

 

Rushing Yards (Avg. per week)

Most: Defenders, 192

Least: Brown Heap, 89

 

Receiving Yards (Avg. Per Week)

Most:  Brown Heap, 323

Least: Crackheeds, 217

 

Top 3 Scoring QB’s this season, Total Points:

1)Schaub, Rat Pack, 184

2)Manning, Birdmen, 179

3)Brady, Brown Heap, 178

 

Top 3 Scoring RB’s this season, Total Points:

1)Peterson, Crackheeds 124

2)MJD, Defenders, 114

3)Benson, Defenders, 108

 

Top 3 Scoring WR’s this season, Total Points:

1)Andre Johnson, Cobra Kai, 94

2)Randy Moss, Canucks,  92

3)Steve Smith(NYG), The Gang, 92

 

 

 

All Pro/All Schmo Week 7

 

 

ALL PRO

 

QB – Tony Romo, Los Pescaderos, 37.29 points

 

RB1 – Cedric Benson, Mormon Defenders, 24.75 points

 

RB2 – Ryan Grant, The Rat Pack, 22.03 points

 

WR1 – Chad Ochocinco, Mormon Defenders, 27.87 points

 

WR2 – Desean Jackson, Los Pescaderos, 24.42 points

 

WR3 – Wes Welker, The Rat Pack, 23.75 points

 

TE – Owen Daniels, The Rat Pack, 20.70 points

 

K – Nate Kaeding, LT’s Crackheeds, 13 points

 

DEF – New York Jets, Crackheeds, 27 points

 

 

ALL PRO TOTAL POINTS: 220.81

 

 

ALL SCHMO

 

QB – Eli Manning, Cobra Kai, 5.80 points

 

RB1 – Ahmad Bradshaw, Los Pescaderos, -0.17 points

 

RB2 – Brian Westbrook, GBP, 1.08 points

 

WR1 – Jericho Cotchery, GBP 0.00 points

 

WR2 – Hines Ward, Birdmen, 0.70 points

 

WR3 – Braylon Edwards, Crazy Canucks, 1.43 points

 

TE – Brent Celek, GBP, 2.03 points

 

K – Robbie Gould, GBP, 4.00 points

 

DEF – San Francisco, Birdmen, 4.00 points

 

 

ALL SCHMO TOTAL POINTS: 18.87

 

 

 

Commentary:

 

-An odd list for the All Pros this week, featuring multiple Bengals, Tomy Romo, and Ryan Grant.  What the hell happened?

 

-Poor Jonny G becomes the first to lock down four full spots on the All Schmo team all by himself.  Yeesh.  Next time at least bench the injured guys.

 

 

Weekly Awards:

 

Game of the Week: Los Pescaderos vs. Mormon Defenders

 

Here’s to the only game that wasn’t a complete blow out!!  

 

 

Team of the Week:  The Gang

 

The Gang wasn’t the highest scoring team this week, but you could almost hear the collective sigh after they got their first win.  They have two games of 120 straight points after looking just horrible the first 5 weeks.  Could this team be – gulp – “hot” right now?  Congrats to PPR and the Gang.

 

 

Coach of the Week:  Eron

 

What else can be said?  Commish is tired of being on Eron’s jock each week but here I am again, fumbling at his zipper as I type.  A record setting 7-0 start.  First in points.  Only 3 transactions.  Eron is defending his Crown in style.  No other way to say it.  This train keeps rolling.  He’s coach of the week and coach of the first half of the season, no doubt.

 

 

Slap Chop ™ Official Power Rankings     

 

 slapchop

“Stop having boring tuna” 

 

Another tough week for the Power Ranking.  The Roston’s maintain the anchor positions, but the middle, as usual, is a mess.  

 

 

1.   The Rat Pack (7-0, 1st in points);  How does E-ron celebrate his record undefeated start?  There certainly was no party, and Commish is not sure who else caught this, but after his seventh straight win the defending Champ barely cracked a smile, choosing instead to berate Santonio Holmes for his sub-par performance in the midst of his 143 point victory!  At first Commish thought what nerve!  But on second thought, the act shows a relentless will to improve.  Perhaps it is this very Belichick-ian coaching ideal that explains why this team is where they are at the moment. 

 

 

2.  The Brown Heap (5-2, 4th in points);  Well, Commish suppose it has to be done.  With a 5-game winning streak, the Brown Heap is the second hottest team in the league.  Hell, even Slaton looks good the past couple of weeks.  The Heap are making the most of a dominant WR corps and MLOM’s easiest schedule to position themselves for a run, not only at the playoffs, but at the division title itself.  How big was that game in week 1 when the Brown Heap lost to the Rat Pack by a single point?  Huge, says Commish.  Unfortunately for the Heap, they do not get another shot at the defending Champs in the regular season.  But they’re certainly close enough, should the Rat Pack stumble a little bit, to take a stab at claiming the division as their own.

 

 

3.  The Birdmen (4-3, 6th in points);  Last week served as an ugly reminder to the Birdmen that Peyton Manning can’t do it all by himself.  He needs a little help, and in Week 7, he got none from his Birdmen teammates.  The Birdmen remain competitive, however, in a weaker division and thus it’s hard to drop them too far – yet.  Mostly they stay this high because Commish isn’t sure if the Crackheeds are for real yet, despite the strong 2-game win streak that they’re on.  Because of the power of the awarded bye week, the winner of this division, which is likely to be either the Heeds or the Birdmen in Commish’s estimation, will have to be no lower than third on this list.  The Birdmen keep this spot – for now.

 

4.  LT’s Crackheeds (3-4, 2nd in points);   Don’t look now but the Crackheeds have had monstrous back-to-back weeks and suddenly look more like contenders than pretenders.  That said, Commish always has the hardest time evaluating his own team objectively.  More than perhaps any other team, this team has the potential to shoot up and down the rankings precipitously from week to week.  Two weeks ago the Heeds were 1-4 and looked lost.  Fast forward to now and they have two solid wins, have been averaging 130+ points in that span, are second in overall points, and look like they might contend for the division.  Brees and Colston are looking like the second coming of K-dub and Isaac Bruce (from the Crackheed glory years), but better.  Commish anticipates that the week 12 rematch with the Birdmen will be huge. 

 

5.  Cobra Kai (2-5, 3rd in points);  Cobra Kai senseis teach us that  if a man can’t stand, a man can’t fight.  And if a man can’t see, a man can’t fight.  Well fantasy football teaches us that if a team can’t win, a team can’t compete for the Crown, even if they can put up points.  Commish still loves this team, but apparently the schedule makers don’t because Fwats has the hardest strength of schedule thus far, facing an average of 120 points per week.  The bad news is that the Cobra Kai are just 2-5 and seemed to doomed to high-scoring losses.  On the upside, it’s still early enough that if the Kai can catch a couple of breaks and snag a few wins in the coming weeks, they could be right back in the mix to contend for the playoffs, and then the Crown. 

 

6.  Los Pescadeors (3-4, 6th in points);  The Romo Express seems to be eerily similar to the McNabb Roller Coaster.  Some days great, other days horrible.  But where would Romo be this season without Miles Austin?  Commish shudders to think.  This past week while laughing at Roy Williams, Commish found himself wondering if there was such a thing as the reverse double-dip.  Say, a bad throw which is then dropped as well.  Not sure, but if it exists then Romo and Williams are a good bet to pull it off.  Los Pescaderos probably aren’t worthy of a ranking as low as sixth, but this team plays in a tough division, still feels a little messy, and must of course be punished at least one more week for wasting time on Roy Williams.  That’s not what championship teams do.  And trust Commish, as GM of the team that wasted a draft pick on Williams, he knows. 

 

7.  Crazy Canucks (4-3, 8th in points);   Hard to rank a division leader so low but the Canucks are riding a 3-game losing streak and have looked simply anemic in two of those 3 losses.  RB issues linger and Commish predicts that the Canucks will slowly fade out of contention in the coming weeks.  They’ve only scored over 100 points twice all year, and if they lose to the Gang this week, things could get even uglier up north.  If Forte can’t produce against Cleveland this week, then he might as well be cut.  Commish does like the Shonn Greene pick-up.  If nothing else, the Canucks have had a very solid year on the waiver wire.  Of course, they’ve had to, given how bad their draft was. 

 

8.  Mormon Defenders (2-5, 5th in points);  The Defenders put a nice win together last week despite not having the services of MJD, which is certainly a good sign.  They have the league’s best RB corps and if Matt Ryan could just settle down a little bit they’d have a good shot at shooting up the standings.  Commish feels like this ranking should be a bit higher, but needs to see some consistency and of course a few more wins first.  (Ending a four game losing streak was a good start.)  A victory over the Crackheeds this week would be huge, and if Norm could just come up with trash talk every week like he did last week against Gabe, Commish would rank him in the top three on principle alone. 

 

9.  The GBP (4-3, 9th in points);  Uh oh.  Things are starting to look dicey in Bong-ville.  Starting an injured WR is never a good sign, and now Westbrook is hurt.  Concussed?  Or just too stoned to play?  The whole team is banged up, with 4 players sporting the dreaded “Q” injury marking going into the week, including Reggie Wayne.  And then there is Terrell Owens and his complete lack of production.  (It’s apparently no coincidence he was drafted right next to Roy Williams.)  Suddenly the GBP are having a hard time scoring points, which never bodes well.  This team is in trouble. 

 

10.  The Gang (1-6, 10th in points); An official Commish congrats to Papa Roston for getting a much needed win and getting off the schnide.  And don’t look now, but the Gang have just put up two straight games of over 120 point.  Could things be coming together a little bit for MLOM’s elder statesman?  It’s certainly not impossible.  Commish wouldn’t want to play the Gang right now.  Teams like this with nothing to lose can just seem more dangerous.  And, on a random note, PPR has three defenses on his roster right now.  Odd. 

 

 

 

Well that’s it for week 7.  Good luck to all teams in week 8!

 

Commish


Commish Notes, Week 6, 2009

Commish Notes Week SIXXX!  2009

 

Due to time constraints this week there will be no monologue to these notes and they will be generally “quicker” than usual.  Just a few pics to capture the spirit of the fantasy week.  Enjoy!

 

 Roller2

McNabb as your fantasy quarterback – the ride! 

 

 

dayne

Hey look everybody!  It’s Number 27 on the Giants – Brandon Jacobs!

 

flickr-anandajoy

The Canucks go up early on the Trout, but it wasn’t to last…

 

 

ifist

Proud Sponsor of your Game of the Week!

 

pic02995

What’s wrong TO?  Bad season got you down? 

 

152-13

Aww isn’t that cute?  It’s the GBP vs. Pescas cat fight!

 

(Sorry about the giraffe and the donkey.  Some things are just too hard to resist.  By the way, that can’t be comfortable for any party involved.)

 

Inter-Division War

 

The beat-down continues this week with the Brown Trout laying the wood to the Canucks.  The X-Men lead the series 11-3.  The magic number remains 15, though Commish is admittedly looking in the Mercy Rule section of the rule book at this point.  This week, our lone inter-division game features the reeling Defenders up against the Pescaderos. 

 

canadabeat

 Canada’s Shame!

 

Inside the Numb3rs

 numb3rsdumb

-Congrats to Eron for starting a record-breaking 6-0.  He hasn’t lost a game since week 11 of the 2008 season.   Including post-season play, he is on a very impressive 11-game winning streak.  Commish isn’t sure if that is the best ever in MLOM  (too lazy to do the research at the moment), but he’s pretty sure it is.  Either way, it’s impressive.

 

-3 out of 4 possible games had lead changes on Monday Night Madness this week.  For the Crackheeds, the third straight week of MNM was the charm, as they finally got a much needed come-from-behind win.

 

-Coaching report.  Feeling bad about your loss this week?  Well, no matter, because no team was technically “outcoached” this week.  Every game’s optimal match-up result was the same as the actual result, according to Stattracker (Tm). 

 

-This week was the first time since 2007 that 2 teams have gone over 150 points in the same week.

 

-Optimal  score for the Crackheeds this week was 176.3, close to the single game scoring record of 181. 

 

-If every team has played their optimal roster this week, 7 out of 10 teams would have had a confirmed “blow up” (over 130 points).  As it stands, 4 teams got there with their actual score.

 

-Not sure what was going on with that GBP vs. Los Pescaderos game in comparison to every other game this week.  Was it played in a monsoon?   Three individual teams outscored this entire game’s total output this week.

 

From the Record Book This Week:

 

Strength of Schedule Update:

 

Hardest: Mormon Defenders, 121.40 points

Easiest: GBP, 92.30 points

 

Touchdowns:

Most: Crackheeds, 40

Least: The Gang, 21

 

Passing Yards (Average per week):

Most: Birdmen, 312

Least: Cobra Kai, 218

 

Rushing Yards (Avg. per week)

Most: Crackheeds, 198

Least: Brown Heap, 86

 

Receiving Yards (Avg. Per Week)

Most:  Brown Heap, 333

Least: Crackheeds, 209

 

Top 3 Scoring QB’s this season, Total Points:

1)Schaub, Rat Pack, 160

2)Manning, Birdmen, 150

3)Brady, Brown Heap, 149

 

Top 3 Scoring RB’s this season, Total Points:

1)MJD (Defenders) 114

2)Ray Rice (Cobra Kai)  108

3)Adrian Peterson (Crackheeds)  107

 

Top 3 Scoring WR’s this season, Total Points:

1)Andre Johnson (Cobra Kai),  89

2)Steve Smith (The Gang), 85

3)Randy Moss (Canucks), 85

 

 

All Pro/All Schmo Week 6

 

ALL PROS – Week 6

QB – Tom “So Pretty” Brady (Brown Heap)  57.37 points

RB1 – Maurice “Indiana” Jones-Drew (Mormon Defenders) 34.58 points

RB2 – Ray “Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it” Rice Rice Baby  (Cobra Kai) 34.22 points

WR1 – Randy “You can be my black Kate” Moss “tonight” (Crazy Canucks) 33.60 points

WR2 – Wes “Moon” Welker (Rat Pack) 30.00 points

WR3 – “Yo this” Marques “Baby!” Colston (Crackheeds) 24.07 points

TE – Owen Daniels-San (Rat Pack) 20.70 points

K – Ryan “OMG it’s so” Long(!)well (The Gang) 16 points

DEF – Packers (Canucks) 26 points

 

Total All Pro Points, Week 6: 276.54 points (New Record!)

 

 

 

ALL SCHMOS – Week 6

QB – Donovan McFlabb (Cobra Kai)  9.87 points

RB1 – Brandon Tankobs (The Gang) 3.38 points

RB2  – Matt “Running well is not my” Forte (Canucks) 3.88 points

WR1 – “The Other” Steve Smith (Defenders) 0.77 points

WR2 – Michelle Owens (GBP)  3.12 points

WR3 – Mushin “Mush” Muhammad (GBP) 3.30 points

TE – John “as in toilet” Carlson (Los Pescaderos) 4.67 points

K – Josh “didn’t you learn from my goose egg last week?” Scobee (Defenders) 5.0 points

DEF – Tie, Balt/Minn (GBP/Los Pescaderos) – 0 points

 

Total Schmo Points, Week 6:  33.99 points  (A new high for the All Schmo’s)

 

 

Weekly Awards:

 

Game of the Week:

 

The Brown Heap (145.53) over the Crazy Canucks (130.74)

 

What can be said?  High Scoring affair?  Check.  Lots of highlights coming in the snow?  Check.  Close game coming down to MNM?  Check.  Hot iFisting Action between managers who are not-so-secretly in love with each other?  Check.  Yup, this game had all that and more.    It’s a no brainer.  Commish presents your game of the week!

 

Team of The Week:

 

The Rat Pack

 

Well, the rich get richer.  Congrats to the Rat Pack, who throw up the highest score of the season so far, and in the process extend their legendary winning streak and claim the all-time best start to a MLOM season. 

 

Coach of the Week:

Eron

For all the reasons above.  Right now, this team and this coach can do no wrong. 

 

Slap Chop (Tm) Official Power Rankings

 slapchop

“Breakfast to Go”

 

(Note: Remember, Commish sees the Power Rankings as a combination of past success and future potential.  In my eyes, this is “Who has the best chance of winning the Crown as it stands right now” list.  Record becomes more important as the season goes on and playoff contention looms.  Commish had a tough time with the rankings this week.  Number 1 and Number 10 are easy (thanks Rostons!)  In the middle, however, is a much different story. The rest of this shit is a mess.  Let’s see what Commish can come up with..)

 

1. The Rat Pack (6-0, 2nd in points);  A no brainer.  And now Commish will expend no further brain power thinking about this rank, because here come 2 thru 9….

2. The Birdmen (4-2, 3rd in points);  Commish doesn’t love the Birdmen in this spot – at all – but hear me out.  4-2 record already.  Peyton Manning against a sap schedule most of the year.  Birdmen play in the weak “Brotherhood of Mutants” division.  Great WR corps.  Great TE.  Very questionable RBs, and that’s their issue right now.  But with Peyton Manning able to single handedly win some games, this team has a good shot of winning the division, getting that first round bye, and then just getting hot for two weeks.  And if they settle out their RB issues, they could be really strong down the stretch.  Commish thinks they have better odds, as it stands right now, then every other remaining team to take a shot at the Crown.  All that said, this rank still seems too high.  But who else is a better call right now than the 2005 All Stars? 

3. Cobra Kai (2-4, 1st in points);  By all accounts, the Cobra Kai should either be a 5-1 team, or be much lower on this list.  But here they are in this middling third spot.  Commish still loves this team with one HUGE question mark.  Quarterback.  That McNabb Roller Coaster is a big, unsightly monstrosity with creaky wood and safety hazards galore.  The ride can be great, no doubt, but it can be sickening too, with the potential to end in tear-stained vomit or worse – death.  Fwats needs to get more wins or he WILL drop down these rankings further.  He also needs to settle the QB situation.  No way McNabb takes anybody to a Crown if they have to play 3 straight playoff games with him.  McNabb simply can’t do 3 straight games.  Commish says again, he simply can’t.

4. The Brown Heap (4-2, 5th in points);  Congrats to the Heap, who make the biggest leap of any team this week.  From 8th to 4th.  Look, I don’t like it.  I don’t like it all.  In fact, I hate every ranking in this list from 2-9.  But here it is.  Is Brady back?  Commish doesn’t want to believe it.  But if it’s true, then this team is legit.  They already have 4 wins, a good start.  The WR corps is great, and arguably tops in the league.  The problem here, like with several teams, is the RB spot.  It’s the same problem the Birdmen, GBP, and Canucks have.  But at 4-2, and steadily moving up the points chain, the Heap have to be considered as one of the top half teams.  And despite the RB issues, they have more upside than just about any team aside from the Crackheeds (but they have it with 2 more wins already).  So congrats to the Heap for making it to the “Top Half”.  Don’t screw it up.

5. Los Pescaderos (3-3, 7th in points);  Look, Commish has few rules but here’s one of them:  If you pick up the talentless, unathletic hack known as Roy Williams and put him in your line-up, you drop at LEAST two spots in the Power Rankings. It’s that simple.  And that’s just what Gabe did.  Plus, this teams feels a little messy right now.  Romo is a mess.  Megatron might be hurt.  They still have solid talent all around, and could move back up in time, but something just feels off about the Pescaderos at this point.  Oh wait, that’s just Roy Williams again.  That guy sucks.   Commish, for one, cannot WAIT to root against him every time Romo drops back to throw. 

6.  Crazy Canucks (4-2, 6th in points);  Somehow the Canucks actually climb this week after a loss, though Commish honestly isn’t too sure how or why.  Basically it’s the 4 wins that keep this team this high right now.  Commish doesn’t trust the Canucks. Commish loves Rodgers, Moss, Burleson, Clark, and the Lance Moore pick-up.  Commish hates just about everyone else on this team.  The Canuck backfield is atrocious.  Commish has a fun idea!   No one trade a RB to the Canucks!  It’ll be funny to see how this plays out.  Big game this week against the Heeds.  A Heeds win could really flip these rankings up a bit…

7. The GBP (4-2, 9th in points);  The GBP go from 4th to 7th this week.  Commish loves Rivers and Wayne, but that’s where it ends for this team.  Key GBP’ers that Commish doesn’t trust:  Antonio Bryant, Cotchery, TO, Mendenhall, Barber, Westbrook, Addai, Winslow, Stewart.  Oh wait, that’s basically the whole team after Rivers and Wayne.  Commish has to respect the 4 wins, but 9th in points tells a different story.  Frankly, Commish is worried about the GBP down the stretch. 

8. LT’s Crackheeds (2-4, 4th in points);  This team is ridiculously up and down.  Averaging 150 points in 2 wins and about 87 points in 4 losses.  Commish suspects that no one likes playing against this team despite the fact they’re more likely to win than lose thus far this season.   QB play and RB play are solid.  The WR corps seems to be improving (amazing what losing Roy Williams can do for your team).  Eddie Royal remains a riddle wrapped in an enigma.  Unfortunately, this team simply has trouble winning.  But if they manage to get a few more in these coming weeks Commish will gladly move them up this ladder.

9. Mormon Defenders (1-5,  8th in points); The Defenders drop 3 spots this week because after their stable of RB’s and Brandon Marshall, they are sort of a mess.  Also, they only have 1 win.  Commish foresees a lot of weeks where Norm is trying to find the best RB for the week only to have his high point guys sitting on the bench, a la Thomas Jones and his 200 yards this week.  Should Norm look to trade a RB to one of the RB challenged teams for an upgrade somewhere else?  Commish says yes -as long as it’s not with the Canucks. 

10. The Gang (0-6, 10th in points);  Ugh.  The Commish would like to express his condolences to the struggling Gang.   How about that 9-game win streak in 2003 again?!

 

 

 

Good luck to all teams this week,

 

Commish


Commish Notes, Week 5, 2009

Commish Notes – Week 5

 

And the season rolls on…

 

Week 5 wasn’t great in terms of match-ups in either the real NFL or right here in MLOM either.   In fantasy terms Week 5 will be remembered as the week the X-Men brought their A-game and wiped the floor with the Brotherhood of Mutants, the extra time training in the Danger Room appearing to have paid off.  In the end it was a clean sweep. 

In the real NFL, there too occurred a series of beat downs in which a smattering of the league’s numerous awful teams were toyed with and then discarded, not unlike a hapless seal up against a playful and hungry orca. 

And then there were games featuring two bad teams, like the Panthers and Redskins.  Similarly, the Cleveland Clowns beat the Buffalo Jills in the one of the worst games Commish can recall.  Times are indeed troubled when the “winning” quarterback (Derek “Jonbenet here!” Anderson) completed just 2 of 16 passes for 23 yards.  (On the upside, Commish’s new boy Mohamed “Mamma Say Mamma Sah” Massaquoi caught one of those passes.  He’s half the offense!)

 

derek-anderson

2 for 17, 23 yards – Yup, my work is done here

It took Dallas overtime to beat the lowly Chiefs, but the last laugh was had by E-ron when Miles Austin became Miles AWESOME for a day and simply blew up.  It’s just a shame the explosion was neatly contained on the Rat Pack bench.   But really, let’s be honest here – that shit was all Romo – no really, you’re fine at QB Gabe. 

 

58613619 

TD run complete with Hines Ward smile impression

 

milesaustinparty

Score all day, score all night!

 

One of Commish’s favorite new hobbies on Sunday  is coming up with more nicknames for Jamarcus Russell.  Commish’s current top three are 1)Ja-Awful 2) Ja-Walrus, and 3)The Big Deuce (owing to his uniform number).  To copy a phrase from the Sports Guy here, there’s comedy, there’s high comedy, and then there’s Ja-Walrus dropping back to pass.

 58613455

“You suck, I’m going to punch you now.”

 

In the MLOM scene the streaking Rat Pack continue to fly high while the other Roston team, the Gang, continues to sink low.  The Canucks nab their first loss, and Commish suspects that the once proud Yukon Warriors might have just come over the top a gigantic roller coaster – it’s nowhere but quickly down from here.  (Can the re-animation of Braylon Edward’s corpse change that?  We shall see.)  The Commish’s own struggles continue as his team drops their fourth straight, with goose eggs and negative points galore.  That said, the Heeds outscored every other Brotherhood Team this week.  (Reading those last two sentences together provides a pretty good summary of the inter-division slaughter that happened this past week, btw.)  The GBP continue to climb and sit smartly in second place behind the Rat Pack.  The Cobra Kai continue their high point production (no doubt thanks to numerous Sensei Kreese beatings) and might have actually discovered how to win.  The Brothers Buhr are jointly victorious and the Defenders need to continue praying.    And the Birdmen lose and could be in trouble heading into Golden Boy Peyton Manning’s bye week.

 

Yup just another week in MLOM. 

 

 

 

 beast

 X-Men JAIL BREAK!

 

Inter-Division War

 

This week featured the second all-out war between the X-Men and the Brotherhood of Mutants and boy was it ugly.  The X-Men up and kicked the crap out of their rivals, making it an official sweep.  U-G-L-Y, Brutha’hood ain’t go no alibi – THEY UGLY!  (clap clap clap) THEY UGLY!  Only one X-Men team (The GBP) put up less points than any Brotherhood Team (and hence could have lost), and that score was less than 1 point from being victorious anyway.   Commish certainly wouldn’t have wanted to be in the Brotherhood Locker Room at half time or worse, after the game.  Magneto was certainly lashing out, throwing his red helmet, bending lockers with his powers, the whole bit.  And Commish also heard that The Juggernaut sat there hulking on the bench glumly holding a notice stating that Commissioner Goodell wanted to see him pronto regarding a possible “steroid issue”.  Nearby the Blob simply ate a sandwich and didn’t say too much.  And it just got worse from there.  In some ways it’s just not fair that Professor X can read minds.  It really hurts a teams chance for successful play-calling. 

 magentolockerroom

Magneto broods in the wrecked locker room

 

With the 5-0 beat down, the X-Men grab a commanding lead of the inter-division war.  They lead 10 victories to 3 at this point.  The last two remaining 5 on 5 interdivision mutant brawls won’t occur until weeks 9 and 10.  The other weeks, including this week, feature exactly one inter-division game apiece.   This week it’s the Canucks vs. The Brown Heap.  Remember there are 29 inter-division contests on the year, and the magic number to win the series is thus 15. 

Last year the same division (then named Cobra) also started out hot, going 9-4 at this point but eventually sitting at 11-4 before struggling to claim the inter-division prize at 15-14.  (Commish is sure we all recall the epic recap done by Fwats for that week 13 game between the Cobra Kai and the Birdmen.)  So anything can happen.  But the Brotherhood really needs to get its act together or we could have an epic slaughter on our hands.

 

 

 749411-juggernaut_00_super

Umm, Juggernaut, the Commish needs to see you.  Can you pee in this cup first?

 

 

Inside the Numb3rs

 

 numb3rsdumb

In this episode, AGAIN,  he breaks things down into numb3rs.  Everything’s numb3rs, you see, even the stupid “E” in “Numb3rs”.

 

-First off Commish is ecstatic to report a HUGE  finding in the archives!  Somehow, some way, the 2003 season is now a fully archived season, meaning that the individual games are now present!   Before all we had from that season were team records and total points.  Now, each week is available (not sure how, or why now), which means that individual match ups can be looked at (for head to head record purposes, beat downs, stink bombs, blow ups, etc.), and so new highs and lows can emerge in the ledger of feats.  This is huge!  Commish has always hated the lack of the 2003 stats, and now, out of nowhere, they’re here.   (For the record, 1999 (season 1) and 2000 (season 2) are still missing).  Be assured, it will take a full season and offseason for Commish to process all this newly discovered information, but here are a couple of quick finds to whet the appetite: 

 

-Congrats to Los Pescaderos, who no longer possess the worst game in MLOM league history.  Hell, thanks to this treasure trove of new findings, they’re not even second or third worst anymore!  The new all time low score in MLOM history belongs to…..(Drum Roll)

 

The Crazy Canucks!  They who dropped an uber-fecal 38.24 points in Week 3 of that season.  Second Worst!?  The Birdmen, who dropped a fetid 39.45 points in Week 5 of that season.  Incidentally, both losses were against the Rat Pack – played in the sewers functioning as the Rats’ home turf no doubt.  So we do actually have two sub-forty point games on record.  Congrats Iwan!  Your consolation?  You also have the THIRD worst game ever, at 40.34 points, dropped in week 8 against the 1.21 Jigiwatts in that same season.   It’s a retro stink-fest of epic proportions!    More on 2003 as Commish discovers it. 

 

-Ah, the Crackheeds, they sit at 1-4, in the midst of an ugly 4-game losing streak (their worst is 5, which has happened twice before).  Despite the awful start, they have the most touchdowns in the league and the highest single-game points total  of the season (in their week one win of course).  If someone can figure this team out, please chime in. 

 

-The Gang sit precipitously at 0-5, which begs the question, what is the worst start in MLOM recorded history?   Well, the Brothers Buhr take first and second in the race for that infamous record.  Los Pescaderos had an awful start in 2002, beginning 0-6 before recording their first win in week 7.  But the worst start ever belongs to Little Buhr, who’s Brown Trout amassed an 0-8 record before finally getting a much need win against The Gang back in week 9, 2005.  That 8-game losing streak is tied for the worst overall losing streak in league history as well.  Fwats is the unfortunate co-owner of that record, for his own 8-game losing streak as head of the 1.21 Jigiwatts, back in 2004.  

 

-Conversely, the Rat Pack sit undefeated after 5 weeks with a record of 5-0.  That ties the all-time best start to a MLOM season.  The 2006 Canucks also opened 5-0 before falling to the Birdmen in week 6 of that year.  This week, Eron has a chance to claim the title solo.  With a win over the Cobra Kai, the record is all his.    

 

-The best win streak ever in a single season?  Well, thanks to the new 2003 stats, Commish can assure you that the Gang’s 9-game win streak from Week 3 through Week 11 of that season is the best in MLOM history.  Perhaps the Gang can lean on such memories in these dark times. 

 

-Updated Series Records:  (Now including 2003 season!)

 

Brown Trout – 5 wins;  LT’s Crackheeds – 4 wins

GBP – 3 wins;  Crazy Canucks – 9 wins

Los Pescaderos – 10 wins; The Gang – 3 wins

Cobra Kai – 8 wins;  Mormon Defenders – 4 wins

Rat Pack – 6 wins; Birdmen – 7 wins

 

 

 

-Notable Findings in the Record Book:

 

Strength of Schedule

Hardest:  Mormon Defenders – 121.19 points

(Ouch – that’s a near blow up that Norm is facing each week.  His average margin of defeat?  A whopping 34.22 points, tops in the league.)

Easiest:  The Brown Heap – 87.89

(That explains the 3 wins.  The Canucks must be just barely ahead of that…)

 

Most Touchdowns:  33 (LT’s Crackheeds)

Least Touchdowns: 16 (The Gang)

 

Current Leaders:

Passing Yards Total, Season: The Birdmen, 1645

Rushing Yards Total, Season: Los Pescaderos, 985

Receiving Yards Total, Season: The Brown Heap, 1629

 

Current Losers:

Passing Yards, Total, Least, Season: Cobra Kai, 1038

Rushing Yards, Total, Least, Season: The Brown Heap, 471

Receiving Yards, Total, Least, Season: LT’s Crackheeds, 863

 

Total Points Leaders, Top 3, by position, and their points:

QB:

1)Manning  (Birdmen) – 150

2)Roethlisberger (LT’s Crackheeds) – 120

3)Schaub (Rat Pack) – 119

 

RB;

1)Brown (LT’s Crackheeds) – 88

2)Peterson (LT’s Crackheeds) – 88

3)MJD (Defenders) – 79

 

WR:

1)Steve Smith (NYG, The Gang) – 80

2)Wayne (GBP) – 76

3)Andre Johnson (Cobra Kai) – 73

 

(Numbers 4-7 are just too good to ignore – it goes 4)Harvin, 5)Burleson, 6)Marshall, and 7)Austin)

 

TE:

1)Clark (Canucks) – 62

2)Winslow (GBP) – 57

3)Celek (GBP) 51

 

 

 

All Pro/All Schmo Week 5

 

All Pro

QB – Peyton Manning (Birdmen); 34.64 points

RB1 – Ronnie Brown (Crackheeds); 21.35 points

RB2 – Ray Rice (Cobra Kai); 20.18 points

WR1 – Roddy White (Brown Heap); 33.00 points

WR2 – Andre Johnson (Cobra Kai); 25.73 points

WR3 – Austin Collie (Crackheeds); 22.47 points

TE – Heath Miller (Birdmen);  12.10 poins

K – Lawrence Tynes (Rat Pack); 14.00 points

DEF – Minn (Los Pescas); 24.00 points

 

Total All Pro Points:  207.47

 

 

All Schmo

QB – Joe Flacco (Crazy Canucks); 9.99 points

RB1 – Willis McGahee (Cobra Kai); 0.60 points

RB2 – James Harrison (Crazy Canucks); 1.75 points

WR1 – Derrick Mason (Crackheeds); 0.00 points

WR2 – Mike Sims-Walker (Rat Pack); 0.00 points

WR3 – Megatron (Los Pescaderos); 0.63 points

TE – TIE (Keller/Crackheeds)/(Cooley/Defenders); 0.00 points

K – Scobee (Defenders);  0.00 points

DEF – NYJ (Crackheeds); NEGATIVE 3.00 points

 

Total All Schmo Points:  9.97  points

 

Pro/Schmo commentary:

 

-Worst All Schmo output to date!

 

-Incidentally, worst All Pro output to date as well.

 

-Sims-Walker and Megatron find themselves on the All Schmo team this week.  Last week, they were both on the All Pro team.  (It turns out Sims-Walker was a last second suspension from the game by his own team.  The reason?   Fucking!  He reportedly missed a bed-check late the night before in Seattle because he was “visiting a lady friend”.  Nice work, E!  At least Sims-Walker was scoring somewhere that week!)

 

-Peyton Manning sits on the All Pro team for the third straight week.   At the rate he’s playing, he’s got a decent shot of hitting it on his bye week.   

 

Weekly Awards:

 

Game: LT’s Crackheeds vs. Brown Heap

 

This week’s closet game made all the better by Monday Night Madness and also the Little Buhr and the Commish in the same room for 8 hours on Sunday phenomenon.  Key highlights included 1) Little Buhr’s “Points Orgasm” which describes a period of 5 minutes when just about every single Brown Heap point was scored – Brady fired a TD pass, Roddy White snaked a 90 yard TD catch, Glen Coffee limped in for a score – basically his whole team went nuts.   2)The debut of Austin Collie.  By far the highlight of Commish’s fantasy season was unexpectedly watching Austin Collie score twice in that game with Little Buhr in disbelief.  3)MNF – It became close early and then just stayed there, with the looming implications of the Jets Defense sucking, Keller putting up a goose egg, and Ronnie Brown’s touchdowns somehow lacking because they were driving the Jets defensive points into negative land.  Oh God how Commish hates this game sometimes.  But regardless, an epic game and YOUR Game of the Week!

 

Team: Cobra Kai

Highest Scoring Team of the Week with a great outing despite a 3-TD day by the Burner just wasted (or “burned”, if you will) on the bench.  Regardless, the mighty Kai have scored over 120 points 3 times already and under 100 points just once (97).  Congrats to our Team of the Week. 

 

Coach:  Gabe Buhr – by default. 

Let Commish explain the modifier.  This one was a tough call.  It seemed nobody really earned coach of the week this week, but Gabe was less NOT deserving than everyone else.  First off, coaches of losing teams really aren’t in consideration.  So that cuts out five teams (all the Brotherhood of Mutant coaches oddly enough).  Eron was not the best coach this week.  He missed the Mike Sims-Walker thing and had Miles Awesome on his bench.   Fwats had a 3-TD performance from Burner on his bench.  Jonny G?  A 2-TD performance from Kellen the Sol-Ja on his bench.  Typically Commish doesn’t like to reward these kinds of things, even if the actions or benchings are reasonable.  That leaves the Brother’s Buhr.  Justin didn’t really do any coaching this week because if you look at his bench you realize just how bad it is and how little there was to be decided between byes and said lack of talent.  In the end, this leaves Gabe, who did make the nice call regarding Bradshaw and Choice over his other backs.  Otherwise, he didn’t do anything too great, but he was certainly less non-deserving then the other eligible coaches.  So, um, congrats to Gabe – Coach of the Week!

 

 

Slap Chop (Tm) Official Power Rankings

 

 slapchop

“You’re Gonna Love My Nuts!”

 

 

Power Rankings going into Week 6

1. Rat Pack (5-0, 4th in points);  The Pack Cruise to an easy victory over Peyton Manning and the Birdmen despite benching the highly productive Miles AWESOME, choosing instead to start the guy who was scoring all night long in a different way.  Talk about swagger?!  Commish says FUCK swagger.  We’re talking about goddamn Baditude here.  Needless to say, Rat Pack stay at the top this week.

2. Cobra Kai (2-3, 1st in points);  Commish can’t keep them down any longer.  Despite the losing record, this team has more points than any other team by 30+ points.  They are solid from top to bottom and at this point it’s hard to find a more complete team.  Maybe they’ll finally live up to their hype.  No Mercy!

3. Los Pescaderos (2-3, 2nd in points);  Similar to the Cobra Kai, Commish isn’t fazed by the 2-3 record.  The points are there, and the only potential weakness in this team is at the QB position, which could actually work itself out providing Romo goes to therapy or something.  Romo plays a lot of cake games this year, which could really help Los Pescas bring things along.  Throw in two straight championship defeats, and we might have the hungriest team in MLOM on our hands. 

4. The GBP (4-1, 4th in points); Commish had trouble deciding between Los Pescas and the GBP, but the GBP get dinged a hair for their not so great WR corps after Wayne.  Winslow might become a beast now that the rookie Johnson is targeting him constantly.  Jonny G’s future success also depends heavily on the Westbrook/Mendenhall tandem keeping up appearances.  Remember, if Westbrook had even a marginal game in the semi’s last year, then the GBP are your defending champs. 

5. Fightin’ Birdmen (3-2, 3rd in points); The Birdmen fall this week, mostly because all the Brotherhood teams seem outclassed by the X-Men, not just this week but in general.  While it’s true that Peyton Manning is a super-weapon right now, to be envied and secretly built by Iran, he can’t do it by himself all year, especially when it gets cold, and the Birdmen seem a little thinner after Manning, Ward, Gates, and Jennings.  Still, can’t scoff at this team with Manning always lurking.

6. Mormon Defenders (1-4, 6th in points);  Commish can’t figure out why this team isn’t doing better.  LBJ and MJD at running back, an all-tude WR corps than can still produce, the serviceable Matt Ryan at QB, and steroids-fix-anything-even-a-lack-of-talent Cedric Benson looking like a solid additional RB.  What is the problem?   It seems like history itself is working against the Defenders.  Are they still haunted by the 2007 collapse?  If they can put a few wins together, Commish will gladly move them up the list.

7. Crazy Canucks (4-1, 8th in points);  If Braylon Edwards hadn’t reactivated as a member of the Jets, Commish would have contemplated lowering this team further.  But suddenly Rodgers, Edwards, Moss, Burleson, and Dallas Clark don’t sound like a half-bad team at all.  Unfortuantely the RB corps remains highly unproven, and possibly the worst in MLOM. Still, the Canucks are gamers, and can’t be counted out this early.

8.  The Brown Heap (3-2, 9th in points); Commish ranks the Heap ahead of the Heeds only because he said he would do it if the Heeds lost.  And the Heeds lost.  But Commish is still not high on this team.  Brady looks worse by the week, and Slaton is a pile of mush.  White, Bowe, and V-Jack do form an impressive WR corps, though, and Little Buhr knows how to get mileage out of WRs.  This team is sort of the anti-Heeds right now in terms of positional strengths.  But either way, both teams are unimpressive at this point.  Eighth?  Ninth?  What does it matter?

9.  LT’s Crackheeds (1-4, 7th in points); Brees.  All Day.  Ronnie Brown.  Sounds like a good start right?  But then what?  It’s the WR corps stupid.  Commish is rolling the dice, hoping to settle on some production at the position and make a run.  Good QB, good RBs.  Bad everywhere else.  Not a good place to be overall.  Still, Commish wouldn’t be surprised if this team gets itself together and makes a playoff run. 

 

10. The Gang (0-5, 10th in points);  How about that 9-game win streak in 2003?  That was really something.  It’s not really encouraging when The Gang are picking up the castaways (Parker, Holt) from the 9th ranked team.   How about that 9-game win streak again?!  There’s nowhere to go but up. 

 

 

Last Week’s Ranks:

1)Rat Pack

2)Birdmen

3)GBP

4)Cobra Kai

5)Los Pescaderos

6)Mormon Defenders

7)Canucks

8)Crackheeds

9)Brown Heap

10)The Gang

 

That’s it folks!  Good luck to all teams in Week 6.

 

Commish


Commish Notes – Week 4, 2009

Commish Notes – Week 4

 

OK so maybe Commish lied about canceling Commish Notes forever.  But let’s face it, you’ve seen this sort of melt-down-followed-by-rebirth behavior from the Commish before.  In fact, sad to say, it’s sort of becoming a standard Commish move.  Well I’ve done it again.  Monday was a bad night for me to be around a computer with internet access after the game.  I was emotional (just like Brett Favre!), too emotional in fact, and before I even realized what I was doing I was quitting on the season, quitting on Commish notes.  Well, after some whiskey and a good night’s sleep, not to mention a thrilling basketball victory via one Team Slap Chop (!), Commish is back, and ready to bang out some notes with a new format and all.  So let’s get to it. 

 

Week 4 in the NFL will be remembered of course as the Brett Favre-vs.-Green Bay-a-palooza and the circus surrounding it, tightropes, fire-eaters, balancing elephants and all.  Not only did Commish have to watch Adrian Peterson get outperformed by Ryan Effing Grant on Monday night, he also had to endure the non-stop love fest exhibited by the MNF announcers towards The Blouse. 

 

It’s not like Commish wasn’t expecting a big hoopla – of course he was.  It’s just that Commish was expecting to be about  knee deep in the hoopla, a la Starship, and not quite drowning in the hoopla as the case turned out to be.  As the game trudged from quarter to agonizing quarter, Commish to his horror realized that Gruden, Tirico, and Jaws would spend an increasing amount of time absolutely covered in each others’ semen, with a fresh coat being applied each time Favre simply completed a pass, or Gruden recalled yet another amusing  anecdote from Favre’s storied career.  Commish, for one, remains glad they didn’t cut away to a shot of the booth.   The scene would have been…scarring.

 espn_mnf_576

Those pants wouldn’t be staying on long…

 

Here’s what else Commish noticed in Week 4. 

 

-Tom Brady became the first NFL player to actually make an officiating call, when he boldly declared  a “roughing” the passer infraction after Terrell Suggs dared to look in the direction of his poor defenseless knee.  It is rumored that Brady dropped a “Blue Steel” look on the refs to incite the call.  As a reward for being such a handsome pussy, Commish hears that the league will be letting Tom Brady carry his own special penalty flag starting next week. 

 gay_tom_brady

Don’t touch the knee

 

-On an otherwise routine drop back, Eli Manning did some sort of amusing hop-step as a result of an unprovoked but acute attack of plantar fasciitis in his foot.  The play was comical in itself to those who saw it; but earlier this evening when Papa Stup via phone call said “He looked like a damn panzy back there” it became a special play to Commish- forever – and I felt I needed to share.

 

-Drew Brees has put up successive single-digit games and Commish gets the sense he’s going from great fantasy quarterback to great real-life quarterback; winning anyway he can and not just putting up great stats.  Not a welcome transition, Drew.  Let’s get that straight right now. 

 

-Commish hears through his sources that E-ron may not really be a Charger fan after all.  It has been said that he was more interested in the performance of Pittsburgh’s Santonio Holmes on Sunday night then in a Charger’s victory, but Commish isn’t sure this is true.  Commish will defer a final ruling to a pair of objective oustiders – Little Buhr and Iwan.

 

-In the numbers department, Commish is sad to report that the year’s first stink bomb has been dropped, unfortunately, by the once esteemed Gang.  Commish thought it odd that it took four full weeks for us to see one.  (By this time last year we had already seen six going into week 4.)  In 2007, however,  it also took us until the fourth week to see our first stink bomb.  Most stink bombs in a season?  It was last year, in fact, with 16.  Least stink bombs?  The high-scoring 2004 season produced just 4. 

 

-May the better coach win.  Only one game this week would have had a different outcome if everyone had played their optimal line-ups.  Yup, that’s right, Commish’s own Heeds would have chalked up a win if he hadn’t been outcoached.  Particularly painful was the play of one Mike Sims-Walker.  Commish had targeted him earlier in the week with a waiver try.  The Rat Pack’s higher priority won out there, and from there Sims-Walker was deployed by the Rat Pack in All-Pro fashion (see below)  for 20+ points to propel the Pack to victory.  Especially difficult to swallow is the fact that one of his two TD’s was clearly an incomplete pass that somehow even made it through the replay process – wait a second – just popped another valium – much better.  Where was I?

 simswalker

Commish has given a name to his pain

 

-If Fwats had played Ray Rice over Darren McFadden, as Commish is sure he must have been at least considering, and everything else had stayed the same, he would have beat the Birdmen in a squeaker.  Care to join Commish’s support group Fwats?

 

-Adrian Peterson may not have won the game for the Crackheeds, but he sure as hell did for the Canucks – one fumble for six for the Green Bay defense?  That’s 9 points right there.  The Canucks won by 10.   Was the extra point after that touchdown (against Gabe’s MINN Defense) the difference?

 

-We all laughed deeply and richly when the Birdmen drafted the 2004 all-stars.  Well, with Manning, Gates, and Ward all doing their best 2004 impressions (72 combined points this week), the joke may be on the rest of us.

 

-Here is the Defender’s Receiving Corps:  Santana Moss, Chad Ochocinco, Brandon Marshall, and Steve Smith (CAR).  Jonny G will you please trade T.O. to the Defenders?   It’s clearly where he belongs. 

 

-If Commish has to watch LL Cool J yell “PHILIP RIVERS!” through cupped hands again, he may stab somebody.  I’m watching football in hi-def already, now leave me alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inter-Division War

 

In the beginning, Charles Xavier had a dream.  Despite the fear and doubt that existed in the human world, Charles thought that mutants and humans could coexist peacefully.  On the other side stood the powerful mutant Eric Lenscherr, aka Magneto.  Magneto, whose parents were killed in a concentration camp at the hands of the Nazi’s, saw all too clearly the fallacies of mankind and deemed them hopeless.  He aimed to make a better world, one ruled by homo-superior – mutants –  alone.  In Magneto’s vision of a new world, there was no room for normal humans – or mutants who empathized with them.    And thus, amidst these two ideologies, battle lines were drawn and sides taken.

 

Now this war comes to MLOM.

 

We went into this week with the X-men leading the Brotherhood 2-1.  Now after a full week’s worth of inter-division clashes, the X-Men have increased their lead.  Taking 3 of 5 games this week, they now lead 5-3.  Week 5 brings another full plate of inter-division mayhem. 

 

Commish is not yet ready to assign official tags of specific X-men and Brotherhood Mutants.  Perhaps in time.   (Though Commish is pretty sure that Birdman is Sauron for obvious reasons.)  The X-Men have many members, including Wolvering, Cyclops, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Beast, Gambit, and others.  The Brotherhood have Magneto, Toad, Quicksilver, Mastermind, Juggernaut, and Sabertooth, to name a few.  Chicks have been purposely left out, though we could go there.  And trust Commish, if you’re in the X-Men division, you sure as hell don’t want to be labeled Jubilee or The Dazzler.  

 

This Week in Action:

 

 sauronattacks

Birdman Attacks!

 

Vindicator 

 Iwan delivers an X-Men beat down – Canadian Style. 

 

 

wolverineovermagneto

Rat Pack Pon-Yo’s the Heeds!

 

colossus

The GBP lay the wood!

 

Havok

The Brown Heap Cannot be Stopped!  (At least not this week.)

 

 

All Pro’s and All Schmo’s

 

 

 

58557289

Enter Steve Smith 2.0!

 

 

All Pro’s

 

QB – Peyton Manning (Birdmen); 28.72 points

RB1 – Rashard Mendenhall (GBP); 31.48 points

RB2 – Ronnie Brown (Crackheeds); 24.58 points

WR1 – Steve Smith – NYG (The Gang); 29.43 points

WR2 – Mike Sims-Walker (Rat Pack); 21.57 points

WR3 – Megatron (Pescaderos); 16.57 points

TE – Antonio Gates (Birdmen); 27.77 points

K – Robbie Gould (GBP); 14 points

DEF – San Fran (Cobra Kai); 44.00 points

 

Total Points: 238.12

 

All Schmo’s

 

QB – Mark Sanchez (The Gang); NEGATIVE 4.87 points

RB1 – Darren McFadden (Cobra Kai); 0.58 points

RB2 – LaDanian Tomlinson (Birdmen); 1.68 points

WR1 – Justin Gage (Brown Heap); 1.50 points

WR2 – Devin Hester (The Gang); 1.59 points

WR3 – Marques Colston (Crackheeds); 3.20 points

TE – Kellen Winslow (GBP); 2.40 points

K – Tie, Hauska (Balt/Canucks) and Bironas (Tenn/Pescas) – 3.00 points

DEF – Pittsburgh (GBP); 5.0 points

 

Total Schmo Points:  14.08 points

 

58558936

 “Ahhhhhhhhh!!!”

 

Pro/Schmo Comments:

-I didn’t like the “e” in schmo(e) so I stopped using it

 

-Peyton Manning continues his second straight week as the QB of the Pro team

 

-All welcome Megatron as he makes his first (of many) Pro appearances

 

-Fuck Mike Sims-Walker right in the ear

 

-Rashard Mendenhall – All Pro.  Ladanian Tomlinson – All Schmo.  It doesn’t sound right, and I’m sure the Charger fans (you know, Adam, Iwan, Justin, Norm, Jonny G – maybe not so much Eron*) are having trouble facing it.

 

(*Note: Gabe is a Raider fan from what I hear, hence his absence from this list as wel)

 

-Mark “Dirty” Sanchez lives up to his name in this stink-fest, drops the worst performance of the season thus far.

 

-Devin Hester briefly thought he was Brandon Jacobs this week, and tried to bowl over a linebacker and a safety near the goaline after the catch.  The result?  He went 3 yards directly backwards and then into the locker room 2 minutes later, not to return.  Welcome to the All-Schmo Team Devin!

 

-Note to Little Buhr:  The Temperature “Gage” is reading ice cold.

 

Inside the Numb3rs:

 numb3rs

“Everything’s Numb3rs!”  (God this show looks dumb)

 

Head to Head Record Updates:

-Rat Pack 2 wins, Crackheeds 8 wins

-GBP 9 wins; Mormon Defenders 2 wins

-Birdmen 3 wins; Cobra Kai 6 wins

-Canucks 7 wins; Los Pescaderos 3 wins

-The Brown Heap 7 wins; The Gang 2 wins

 

-Lots of uneven series were in play this week.  And only the Birdmen and The Rat Pack get a much needed win in these otherwise lopsided rivalries. 

 

Interesting Things from the Record Book for the season:

 

Strength of Schedule Thus Far:

Hardest:  120.25 – Mormon Defenders

Easiest:    85.77 – The Brown Heap

 

Team Touchdowns Thus Far:

Most: Crackheeds, 24

Least: Canucks, 13

 

 

 

 

 

Weekly Awards:

(New Format:  Includes Game, Team, and Coach only.  Former awards for Player of the Week and Goat of the Week can now be extrapolated and analyzed through the All Pro’s and All Schmo’s.  “Ronnie Brown” of the week award is also cut (for biggest bench blow up), at least for now.  Commish no longer sees the humor in this award – he owns Ronnie Brown.)

 

 

Game of the Week:  Cobra Kai vs. The Birdmen

That niners defense scared the living shit out of the rest of the league this week, but the Birdmen were able to summon the spirits of the 2004 All-Stars to light up the scoreboard and overcome.  Also everyone on Fwat’s team not affiliated with San Francisco (Davis also had 10 points) forgot to show up.  They’ll be extra beatings in the dojo this week, make no mistake.

 

Coach of the Week:  Eron

 

See above.  He scooped Mike Sims-Walker right out from under Commish’s nose and then uglied his way to a win to stay undefeated.   That’s what good coaches do. 

 

Team of the Week: The GBP

Quietly throws up the league’s best total at 127 points and even more quietly slides to 3-1. 

 

 

Slap-Chop (Tm) Official Power Rankings

 

slapchop

 

“You love salad – you hate making it!”

 

 

Because you demanded it…

 

Here’s how Commish does power rankings.  The list below takes into account current record, current assessment of team strength, and future potential.  Basically, if I were setting odds on who I think the favorite to win the Crown of Tin Foil is from the top on down, this is how the list would look.  That means that current record becomes more important as the season goes on.  Right now, everyone can still make the playoffs.  In week 10, that might not be the case, so even if I think you have a great team but are boxed out of the playoffs with a poor record, you couldn’t get higher than 7th because you’re not winning the Crown.  Likewise, a good record alone this early means little to the Commish.  Just check The Canucks ranking if you don’t believe me.

 

Everyone get out your notebooks, because for some of you, here comes some bulletin board material…

 

1. The Rat Pack (4-0, 6th in points);  I put the Rat Pack here for a couple of reasons.  One, they’re currently riding a nine game winning streak going back to last season.  Two, they  remain unbeaten despite a moderately dormant Fitz, and three, nobody else has stepped up and demanded to be the team to beat this year.   Weighing the swagger card heavily, Commish still likes the Rat Pack.  Also, they have  serious blow up potential with Schaub, Felix Jones, Holmes, Cutler, Moreno, among others.  That said, they also have serious implosion potential with Schaub, Felix Jones, Holmes, Cutler, Moreno, among others.  Time will tell in that regard.  But they are anchored by the league’s best defense.  And while Commish does not think they’re as good as last year’s Championship Pack, they are still playing like champs, and that gets them the top spot for this week. 

 

2.The Birdmen (3-1, 2nd in points); Not sure the Birdmen can sustain this pace, but follow the points and here they are.  Manning and Gates are back to their peak forms, the WR corps is very good, and the rest of the team is without glaring holes, though the running back situation worries me a little, especially if Kevin Smith turns out to be injury-prone.  If only Tomlinson could get his act together.  Imagine if Adam had drafted Sproles in the seventh round (before Little Buhr snagged him on the turn in the eighth) instead of Larry Johnson.  (Commish will wait a moment until the Birdmen stop kicing themselves.  There.)  Then, they might have that little edge to push them over the top.  Also a little trash talk before a game or two wouldn’t hurt – in fact it would help.  A lot.  Have we talked about this yet? 

 

3. The GBP (3-1, 3rd in points);  Philip Rivers (“PHILIP RIVERS!”) and Wayne are legitimate fantasy monsters, as is the never-dying Baltimore defense.  If Mendenhall continues to come on and claim the primary runninb back role in Pittsburgh, and Westbrook gets healthy again, then look out, this team could start bludgeoning people something fierce. Unfortunately, those are both big ifs.  After Wayne, Jonny G’s receiving corps doesn’t scare anybody, but that could be fixed .  Well, it could if Jonny G knew that the waiver wire existed, anyway. At this point, Commish looks for the GBP to have a solid and possibly spectacular year. 

 

4. Cobra Kai (1-3, 1st in points);  When in doubt, follow the points as a good predictor for future success.  (Unless you’re the 2008 Cobra Kai, that is.)  This team is solid through and through.  Harvin, Boldin, and Andre “Long and Distinguished” Johnson form a downright scary receiving corps.  RB (Turner, Rice, McGahee) and TE (Gonzo, Davis) are no slouches either.  What worries Commish about this team is the QB situation. Can McNabb stay healthy?  Commish thinks that between McNabb and Eli, Fwats should be just fine, and could very quickly ascend to the top of this list.  Unfortunately, to do that, he’ll need to actually grab a few wins, something which has proved to be quite the elusive task for the otherwise merciless Kai of late.  (Just two wins in last seven games going back to last season.)

 

5.  Los Pescaderos (1-3, 5th in points);  Despite just one win, Commish likes this team.  A dominating WR corp (Megatron, DeSean “I’m sorry Miss” Jackson et al.) and solid RB’s provide a solid nucleus.  But Romo’s setbacks are worrisome if you’re a Pescadero fan.  Is Garrard really the answer at back-up?  Unfortunately, Gabe has proven anything but a quarterback guru in seasons past.  I mean seriously – Trent Edwards people.  Trent. Edwards.  Still, Los Pescas are frisky, like their owner, and with two straight Title Game losses the motivation is certainly there.  Commish expects to see more than a few wins out of this squad before the season is done. 

 

6. Mormon Defenders (1-3, 4th in points);  Commish is having a hard time figuring out why the Defenders are just 1-3, but he suspects things could turn around soon. It’s hard to find a better running back duo than MJD and LBJ.  The receiving corps is incredibly high in attitude as mentioned above, but there is enough talent there to produce points (and racous TD celebrations) too.  Is Matty Ice a good enough fantasy QB?  Tough question, and only time will tell.  It’s hard to predict the future for a team like this, and the Defenders have never been solid in the post-season, but Commish thinks they are solid enough to get it together and possibly make a push. 

 

7. Crazy Canucks (4-0, 7th in points);  The only reason the Canucks are ranked even this high is because, despite no logical explanation, they’ve managed to start 4-0.  Don’t let the record fool you folks, this team is pure vanilla, nothin-doin’, and even Cuddly.  Yup, all of Iwan’s nicknames apply here.  Who knew the Denver Broncos play right here in MLOM?  Well the Canucks are proof .  OK, so they’ve hoarded some quarterbacks and they have Rodgers.  After that?  It’s Randy Moss, Dallas Clark,  and little else.  Forte could easily be a first round bust, and Berrian, Burleson, and Harrison the Clown don’t scare anybody.   The stars have aligned in the schedule department thus far, but look for the Canucks to come crashing back to Earth in the next few weeks. 

 

8.LT’s Crackheeds (1-3, 8th in points); Sigh, my poor Heeds.  Commish had such high hopes and despite early failures, still can’t give up on his team.  Brees should get it together and Big Ben is a suitable back up.  All Day (but not All Night – See MNF) and Ronnie “Flush it Down” Brown are formidable as a RB tandem, but the WR corps after Colston is sorely lacking, and even “Yo this Marquis BABY!” isn’t known for consistency in the Saint’s spread-it-around offense.  And the rotator cuff tear Commish sustained reaching to pluck Greg Olsen in the 7th round still hasn’t healed, in fact it’s getting worse.  But the Jets defense was a nice pick up, and if one of the 15 WR’s Commish has on his roster can actually step up and make a play or two, this team could get hot quick.  Could.  Or, Commish notes could get canceled, again, and again, and again…

 

9.  The Brown Heap (2-2, 9th in points);  Commish’s preseason favorite has certainly been a bit of a letdown.  Despite a 2-game winning streak (first time that’s happened since Week 5 and 6 in 2008 by the way), The Heap have looked by and large like a, well, like a heap.  Brady is in disarray and it’s hard to say if he’ll recover in a fantasy-relevant way.  The extra ten pounds added by Slaton in the offseason have looked more like flab than muscle, and despite the impressive play of V-Jack, the rest of the Brown Heap’s even semi-marquee players (Bowe, Roddy White, Walter) have been lacking.  There’s still time to turn things around, but at this point, but right now Commish isn’t too high on the Heap.

 

10.  The Gang (0-4, 10th in points);  Don’t get Commish wrong, there are things to like about this team.  For starters, Commish believes it’s only a matter of time before DeAngelo Williams and Brandon Jacobs start behaving like themselves.  And the early plucking of Steve Smith (NYG style) off the waiver wire was a stroke of genius (which saved The Gang from a legendary-type stink bomb last week, Commish adds).  But man, do the Gang ever need a spark.  Warner has been more up and down than anyone to this point, and the rest of the roster after Witten is largely uninspired.  The Gang are in a deep hole, with a record of 3-14 going back to the start of the last season.  Perhaps the honeymoon for this team really ended when the let Peyton Manning go back before the 2007 season.  Their record since is just 10-20.   Ouch.

 

 

And there it is.

 

Good luck to all teams in Week 5.

 

Commish


Commish Notes – Week 3

Here’s what we saw in the NFL in week 3. 

 

Brett Favre threw a last second laser into the back of the endzone to beat the 49ers.  The play, a Hail Mary pass to Greg Lewis, spawned several repercussions.  First, Iwan and Gabe lost their bets on the last second Minnesota win and went limp on Commish’s couch.  Second, Greg Lewis fantasy owners everywhere were thrilled.  (Oh wait, there were none.)   Third, somewhere in front of a TV on a large Lazy-Boy underneath a silo’s worth of snacks, John Madden climaxed noisily.  Fourth, that single play guaranteed that the phrase “He’s just a football player!” would come out over and over again from multiple talking heads until we were all tempted to smash our own heads repeatedly into the nearest wall.  And perhaps most importantly, the play overshadowed the fact that Brett Favre wears a jersey four sizes too big and should be really be known from here on out as, simply, “The Blouse”.  

 

But hey, he’s just a football player.   Can we all agree on this?

 

Kansas City Chiefs at Minnesota Vikings

Enter:  The Blouse.  He’s Just a Football Player.

Week 3 also showed us that Marc Bulger is unlikely to survive strong wind gusts, much less an NFL football game, Kurt Warner and Aaron Rodger continue to take a beating behind shoddy line play, and Chad Pennington’s shoulder is done, but hey it will only be the third major surgery on his Top Ramen sponsored throwing arm, so he should be fine next season.  We think that Tom Brady isn’t quite Tom Brady yet, but may become Tom Brady soon, whatever that means.  Likewise, Kevin Kolb might be a gamer, Mark “Dirty” Sanchez is almost assuredly a gamer, and though Brady Quinn isn’t a gamer at all he has such a nicely developing pretty-boy pouty-face it makes Commish think Quinn is taking lessons from Billy Baldwin himself.  We still know that Byron “Catapult Arm” Leftwich, Jake “Threw two picks while I was typing this sentence” Delhomme, and Jamarcus “couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn – no really – literally – I’m positive and absolutely mean it” Russell are who we thought they were, and remain by far the most entertaining train-wreck quarterbacks in the NFL to watch.  We’ve seen that Matthew Stafford might be somebody someday, Jason Campbell probably won’t, Kerry Collins never really was (and still can’t close his mouth, not even while sitting on a couch watching a movie), and Jay Cutler will forever wear an expression that makes him look like a trust-fund frat boy who just learned his brand new Escalade was scratched by the valet.  Lastly, we think that Carson Palmer might still have it, Peyton Manning definitely still has it, and Brett Favre is just a football player. 

 

 Browns Ravens Football

He learned from the best

 

billy baldwin

So hot.

 

jay_cutler_sack

Commish just thought this picture was funny.  His face makes me think of an SNL Sean Penn impression.

 

And now onto MLOM.   (For an amusing blog post about Brady Quinn, click here.) 

 

Week 3 is too early, in Commish’s opinion, to really form a solid opinion about who will emerge this year.  With the exception of Papa Roston’s lowly 262 points, every other team falls within a 44 point range (range: 298-342) of each other.  We have two undefeated teams, but one of those teams (the Canucks) is by no means impressive, amassing just a single game outing of over 100 points.  Let Commish take this time to remind everyone that after holding over Moss and Forte, and after taking Aaron Rodgers in the third round, the Canucks draft went like this:  Portis, Braylon Edwards, Berrian, Dallas Clark, and Jamal Lewis – in that order.  Of those, only one is any good at all (Clark, admittedly a beast), and the rest are junk.  Utter junk.  And that’s a 3-0 team?   Likewise, the long-suffering Cobra Kai are the highest scoring team in the league (342 points), and yet sit at 1-2 after two tough losses.  The point is, three weeks in, fantasy football’s winners and losers remain a mystery, and the Slap Chop Power Rankings (Tm) are going to be difficult.  And that’s why Commish will be putting them off until next week.  Let’s move on to the games after a brief look at the inter-division war. 

 

 

Inter-Division War

 

The only inter-division game this week was PPR versus his first-born Eron and the result was a Gang loss.  The result, a 2-1 lead for the X-men going into Week 4.  Week 4, of course, is the first of four all-out inter-division brawl weeks which will shape the entire inter-division war as a whole as the season goes on. 

 

 45-1x-menwcyclopsandquicksilver

 When Mutants Clash – Indeed!

 

1-3

 Let’s Get this Mutant War started!

 

 

The Games (perhaps for the last time) :

 

Fightin’ Birdmen 135.26 over LT’s Crackheeds 75.48

 

 

Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(NO – QB)
@Buf W, 27-7 21.89 4.41
WR
(NO – WR)
@Buf W, 27-7 13.45 6.47
WR
(Dal – WR)
Car W, 21-7 6.88 7.00
WR
(StL – WR) IR
GB L, 36-17 5.40 2.73
RB
(Min – RB)
SF W, 27-24 18.76 9.02
RB
(Mia – RB)
@SD L, 23-13 11.49 10.42
TE
(Chi – TE)
@Sea W, 25-19 5.71 11.43
K
(NO – K)
@Buf W, 27-7 8.89 9.00
DEF
(NYJ – DEF)
Ten W, 24-17 10.12 15.00
Total       102.59 75.48
       
Points
Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(Ind – QB)
@Ari W, 31-10 21.81 40.05
WR
(GB – WR) P
@StL W, 36-17 9.12 10.87
WR
(Pit – WR)
@Cin L, 23-20 9.80 7.47
WR
(Chi – WR)
@Sea W, 25-19 5.66 12.33
RB
(Det – RB) Q
Was W, 19-14 10.68 14.12
RB
(Buf – RB)
NO L, 27-7 19.28 9.65
TE
(SD – TE)
Mia W, 23-13 8.75 6.77
K
(NE – K)
Atl W, 26-10 9.59 14.00
DEF
(Den – DEF)
@Oak W, 23-3 8.57 20.00
Total       103.26 135.26

 

-A dominating win for the Birdmen, no other way to say it.  The margin of victory was a whopping 59.78 points, and proved that Peyton Manning indeed does have a bigger penis than Drew Brees, as many were reportedly wondering.  (Now if only the Birdmen would talk a little pre-game trash and THEN back it up, rather than wimping out of all pre-game trash talk only to derisively analyze his opponents’ talk later, then the Commish might actually have a little more respect for the B-men….)

 

-Nice match-up play by the Birdmen to utilize the Bronco’s defense against the lowly Raiders.  In chess terms, this strategy would be called the “Jamarcus Gambit”, a highly effective defensive strategy favored by the Russian Grand-Masters. 

 

-Note to league: When Brees and Adrian Peterson have off-days together – the Heeds are in serious trouble.

 

-Let us mark an official begin and end to the “Low Rent” Robinson era for the Crackheeds, a waiver-wire flyer who went down for the season after producing 2.73 points.  It’s a shame – he nearly outplayed Roy Williams.

 

-Speaking of Roy Williams…actually just don’t get me started.

 

-Updated Series Record:  LT’s Crackheeds 8 wins, Birdmen 7 wins (4 of the 7 Birdmen wins against the Crackheeds have been blowouts, including this one). 

 

 

 

Crazy Canucks 121.95 over Mormon Defenders 102.65

 

Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(Atl – QB)
@NE L, 26-10 15.83 8.22
WR
(Car – WR)
@Dal L, 21-7 10.76 4.53
WR
(Was – WR)
@Det L, 19-14 9.73 25.87
WR
(Cin – WR)
Pit W, 23-20 7.51 6.10
RB
(Jac – RB)
@Hou W, 31-24 18.23 34.78
RB
(Ten – RB)
@NYJ L, 24-17 11.66 9.12
TE
(Was – TE)
@Det L, 19-14 10.13 4.03
K
(SD – K)
Mia W, 23-13 8.77 11.00
DEF
(Atl – DEF)
@NE L, 26-10 6.95 -1.00
Total       99.57 102.65
       
Points
Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(GB – QB)
@StL W, 36-17 18.12 31.37
WR
(NE – WR)
Atl W, 26-10 9.38 15.73
WR
(Sea – WR)
Chi L, 25-19 6.54 14.81
WR
(Min – WR)
SF W, 27-24 7.42 6.25
RB
(Was – RB) Q
@Det L, 19-14 11.71 4.40
RB
(Chi – RB) P
@Sea W, 25-19 13.60 11.17
TE
(Ind – TE)
@Ari W, 31-10 12.02 14.22
K
(Bal – K)
Cle W, 34-3 8.97 10.00
DEF
(GB – DEF)
@StL W, 36-17 14.97 14.00
Total       102.73 121.95

-Finally the Canucks grab a win they can be proud of, while the Defenders squander away a huge day from Jones-Drew. 

 

-The Canucks utilized a who’s who of different generations of Viking’s WR’s this week: Moss, Burleson, and Berrian. 

 

-In the battle of Moss vs. Moss, what were the odds that Santana would outplay Randy?  50:1?  Off the table?  Yet it happened.  Why weren’t we betting on this?

 

-If Norm had started his current WR corps. of Steve Smith, Santana Moss, and Chad Johnson in 2005, he would have been unstoppable.  Repeat: Unstoppable.   Oh wait, it’s 2009. 

 

-50% of Norm’s points came from two players, MJD and Santana Moss. 

 

-Updated Series Record:  Canucks 5 wins, Defenders 6 wins. 

 

 

 

The GBP 104.38 over Cobra Kai 97.31

Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(SD – QB)
Mia W, 23-13 19.81 17.84
WR
(Ind – WR)
@Ari W, 31-10 17.21 20.90
WR
(Buf – WR)
NO L, 27-7 10.17 0.00
WR
(NYJ – WR)
Ten W, 24-17 7.98 20.88
RB
(Ind – RB)
@Ari W, 31-10 9.14 13.28
RB
(Car – RB)
@Dal L, 21-7 8.14 2.05
TE
(TB – TE)
NYG L, 24-0 6.92 2.43
K
(Chi – K)
@Sea W, 25-19 8.65 5.00
DEF
(Bal – DEF)
Cle W, 34-3 13.58 22.00
Total       101.60 104.38
       
Points
Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(NYG – QB)
@TB W, 24-0 18.09 19.30
WR
(Hou – WR)
Jac L, 31-24 15.50 7.73
WR
(Ari – WR)
Ind L, 31-10 9.14 14.53
WR
(Min – WR)
SF W, 27-24 9.58 17.93
RB
(Atl – RB)
@NE L, 26-10 9.58 7.67
RB
(Bal – RB)
Cle W, 34-3 13.19 14.58
TE
(Atl – TE)
@NE L, 26-10 10.73 1.57
K
(Dal – K)
Car W, 21-7 8.55 7.00
DEF
(Phi – DEF)
KC W, 34-14 14.58 7.00
Total       108.94 97.31

 

 

-Updated Series Record:   GBP 10 wins, Cobra Kai 5 wins;

 

-Commish finds it odd to think that Fwats lost this game possibly BECAUSE of his holdovers, with Turner and Johnson combining for just 15 points despite good play his other players (Defense, Kicker, and TE excluded of course).  

 

-TO’s streak of 185 games with a catch came crashing to an end this week – a streak spanning over 11 seasons, and thus he put up his first ever official goose egg in MLOM.  The lack of points didn’t affect the GBP however. 

 

The Rat Pack 99.91 over the Gang 90.88

 

Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(Hou – QB)
Jac L, 31-24 22.61 32.53
WR
(Ari – WR)
Ind L, 31-10 13.74 8.57
WR
(Pit – WR)
@Cin L, 23-20 10.84 1.70
WR
(Chi – WR)
@Sea W, 25-19 3.96 9.33
RB
(GB – RB)
@StL W, 36-17 11.22 9.08
RB
(Dal – RB) O
Car W, 21-7 14.89 9.67
TE
(Hou – TE)
Jac L, 31-24 6.45 11.03
K
(NYG – K)
@TB W, 24-0 9.79 3.00
DEF
(NYG – DEF)
@TB W, 24-0 10.64 15.00
Total       104.14 99.91
       
Points
Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(Ari – QB)
Ind L, 31-10 19.17 16.46
WR
(GB – WR)
@StL W, 36-17 8.22 15.42
WR
(NYG – WR)
@TB W, 24-0 7.26 13.70
WR
(Mia – WR)
@SD L, 23-13 7.77 0.00
RB
(Car – RB)
@Dal L, 21-7 12.91 7.00
RB
(NYG – RB)
@TB W, 24-0 10.66 13.67
TE
(Dal – TE)
Car W, 21-7 9.46 9.63
K
(Min – K)
SF W, 27-24 8.98 12.00
DEF
(Pit – DEF)
@Cin L, 23-20 12.92 3.00
Total       97.35 90.88

 

-Battle of the Roston Haus Updated Series Record: Rat Pack 6 wins;  The Gang 4 wins;

 

-Commish is thinking that Matt Schaub has real boom or bust potential this year, but it’s his 32 points which powered the younger Roston over the Gang.  (Kurt Warner kind of did look over the hill out there last week – a fitting QB for the Gang?)

 

-Earl Bennett of the Rat Pack outplayed both Super Bowl hero WRs this week (Fitz and Holmes)

 

 

 

The Brown Heap 94.83 over Los Pescadeos 76.86

 

Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(NE – QB) P
Atl W, 26-10 20.35 17.49
WR
(Atl – WR)
@NE L, 26-10 11.03 3.60
WR
(SD – WR)
Mia W, 23-13 12.61 13.50
WR
(Hou – WR)
Jac L, 31-24 10.03 16.82
RB
(Hou – RB)
Jac L, 31-24 10.53 10.30
RB
(SD – RB)
Mia W, 23-13 18.56 8.39
TE
(Bal – TE) P
Cle W, 34-3 5.58 4.73
K
(GB – K)
@StL W, 36-17 8.72 10.00
DEF
(Chi – DEF)
@Sea W, 25-19 10.04 10.00
Total       107.45 94.83
       
Points
Pos
Player
Opp
Status
Projected
Actual
QB
(Dal – QB)
Car W, 21-7 16.42 13.14
WR
(Det – WR)
Was W, 19-14 11.82 6.52
WR
(Sea – WR)
Chi L, 25-19 8.25 1.33
WR
(NYG – WR)
@TB W, 24-0 12.21 5.67
RB
(SF – RB) O
@Min L, 27-24 10.30 0.33
RB
(NO – RB)
@Buf W, 27-7 10.42 25.50
TE
(Sea – TE)
Chi L, 25-19 9.22 3.37
K
(Phi – K)
KC W, 34-14 9.05 10.00
DEF
(Min – DEF)
SF W, 27-24 13.50 11.00
Total       101.19 76.86

 

-Family week continues in MLOM with the Buhr Meat-Up (Tm);  Justin’s win over Gabe evens the series. 

 

-Buhr Meat-Up Updated Series Record:   6 wins apiece

 

-What a nice stroke by Manager Justin Buhr to walk his team back out of the locker room after the game to shake hands with the fans who have stuck with this team through all the losses.  A real classy move.

 

-I got nothing else to say about this game, let’s just get these damn notes done, eh?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And lastly for this week, your All Pros and All Schmoes

 

ALL PRO’S

 

QB – Peyton Manning (Birdmen) 40.05 points

 

RB1 – Maurice Jones-Drew (Defenders) 34.78 points

 

RB2- Pierre Thomas (Pescaderos) 25.25 points

 

WR1 – Santana Moss (Defenders) 25.87 points

 

WR2 – Reggie Wayne (GBP) 20.90 points

 

WR3 – Jericho Cotchery (GBP) 20.88 points

 

TE – Dallas Clark (Canucks) 14.22 points

 

K – Stephen Gostkowski (Birdmen) 14.00 points

 

DEF – Baltimore (GBP) 22.00 points

 

 

Total: 217.95 points

 

ALL SCHMOE’S

 

QB – Drew Brees (Crackheeds) 4.41 points

 

RB1 – Frank Gore (Pescaderos) 0.33 points

 

RB2 – Jonathan Stewart (GBP) 2.05 points

 

WR1 – Terrell Owens (GBP) 0.00 points

 

WR2 – Tedd Ginn Jr. (Gang) 0.00 points

 

WR3 – TJ Houshmanzadeh (Pescaderos) 1.33 points

 

TE – Tony Gonazalez (Cobra Kai) 1.57 points

 

K – Lawrence Tynes (Rat Pack) 3.00 points

 

DEF – Atlanta (Defenders)  MINUS 1.0 points

 

Total: 11.69 points