Commish Notes – Week 4

They say the NFL is a copycat league and after week 4 that sentiment certainly appears to be true in MLOM as well.

The very week after Ronnie Brown’s legendary (some might even say heroic) bench blow-up, it has become the rage of the entire league to quickly follow suit.  Led by none other than the mythical gunslinger Brett Favre (“I love you Mary – I’ll always be true”), this new fad seems to be catching fire in MLOM like the West Coast Offense did in the 1980s after Bill Walsh unveiled it in San Francisco all those years ago.

Not content with a mere 5 TDs, Brett was more inclined to say “anything you can do I can do better” and proceeded to bust out 6 TDs – a personal best for him – all while on the comfortable pleather cushions of the Crazy Canuck Bench.

And though Favre clearly set (or reset) the standard established just a week earlier by Brown, with his 6 TDs and 46.12 points (had he thrown just another 11 yards to get to 300 he would have easily smashed the 50 point barrier),  he inspired and was quickly followed by some other old time MLOM favorites such as Larry Johnson (31 points), Mushin Muhammad (22.80 points), David Garrard (26.65 points), Edgerin James (21.38 points), and Derrick Mason (16.13), all of whom seemed to say, “Coach – just bench me – and I promise I’ll blow up – just like Brett.”   And though this day belonged mostly to the veterans, even new school rookie Chris Johson seemed moved from the Mormon Defender bench, noting “These guys paved the way, and I honor my elders – I’m good for 20 on the bench too”.  And it’s nice to see the young guys help keep some of the older traditions alive.

Inter-Division Watch

Week 4 was the first of two consecutive weeks of all inter-division games.  Cobra had the 2-1 edge going into week 4, and took 3 of 5 games in Week 4, keeping them in the overall lead with a record of 5-3.  More importantly, every COBRA team is still outscoring every Joe team, an impressive feat, especially when you consider the fact that since 2004 – the year division play begin in MLOM – the top two scoring teams have always come from different divisions.  At this point, Commish is not sure who can step up from GI Joe to keep that streak alive this year.  Luckily, Commish suspects Duke is about to give a rousing speech to the Joes in front of the PIT, and from there on out the Joes will really take it to Cobra, blue lasers flying around, everybody ejecting from damaged vehicles perfectly in time, nobody getting killed, etc., just like real war. Go Joe!

Week 4 Games

LT’s Crackheeds 113.70 over Cobra Kai 93.83

The annual and now famous Stup vs. Fwats saga continued in week 4 with another MLOM slugfest reminiscent of their famous MST3K Quote Off while standing in line for the Big Shot at the Stratosphere in Las Vegas back in 1996.  And though the game was decided before even the Sunday night game set off, it was back and forth all the while throughout the afternoon games, with Gates and TO lighting up the score for Cobra Kai, only to have the Buffalo defense snag a timely pick for six at the hands of hapless Trent Green to help secure the win late in the day for the Heeds.  ( Fwats, allow me to diagnose the red and scarred skin you have as result of this game as a harsh case of “Breezer Burn”, wherein Drew Brees throws 45 times a game, rings up oodles of yards, tosses a couple of TDs, and just heaps on the points.  And he could have been yours.  Two picks prior you selected Andre Johnson.)  The Heeds certainly have a solid foundation with Brees and “All Day”, but after that things get a little iffy for their squad.  TE is OK, but the receivers are as a group highly mediocre of course and Commish doubts that the words “Chris Perry” strike fear into any hearts out there as an opposing running back.  For the Cobra Kai, a tough and nearly inexplicable third straight loss despite being the second highest scoring team in the league.  At this rate, they’ll certainly have the last laugh on the other 4-9 teams at the end of the season with the points tiebreaker.  Of note Turner the Burner continues to dominate weak teams and cry uncle when faced with halfway decent defenses – certainly an interesting subplot to follow.  And where the hell is Andre Johnson?  Surely such a high pick should be doing more damage week in and week out, right?  At this point he reminds Commish of Maverick after Goose died.  He’s just not ready to reengage just yet.  Which leaves Fwats in his office, dressed in his pressed Navy uniform, angled face pondering.  The solution?   “Keep sending him up.”

Fun Fact:  The Heeds move to 5-2 in the regular season all-time against Fwats, and haven’t lost in this rivalry since 2005, now enjoying a 3-game win streak.

The Fightin’ Birdmen 116.98 over the Poo Fish 93.08

Commish’s favorite subplot in this game is the fact that highly panned Lee Evans beat the entire Poo Fish receiving core all by himself.  That’s right, after spending at least an hour defending the Birdman’s rather high pick of Evans against the grumpy-old-man tandem of Justin and Iwan, Commish has to say he’s feeling a bit vindicated.  That’s right, in week 4 it was Lee Evans 14.87, and the Poo Fish receiving Corps. 13.80.   And that even includes a TD catch from the corpse of the holdover known as Braylon Edwards.  In fact, to extend the smack-talk up a notch, Commish notes that Evan’s 37.13 points to date are better any of the three “studs” drafted before Evans by self-proclaimed receiver guru Little Buhr.  The 2008 Birdmen appear content to do just enough to win, and certainly there’s nothing wrong with that.  What are overall points when you can stop, point, and say “Scoreboard”?   In the first few weeks these boys required only a few points, and this week a bit more, but regardless, they sit atop the Joe Division with a 3-1 record.  The Trout continue to try and find their feet, and Commish has faith that led by Romo and Bush the trout can put some momentum together in coming weeks and string together another win or two.  Birdmen’s new look sassy bird logo gets a big thumbs up from Commish. His uwillingness to make a fun bet involving a bikini top gets a thumbs down from the Commish.  But Commish supposes we’ve talked enough about that.

Fun Fact: The Birdmen move to 4-5 all-time regular season against Little Buhr.  These two teams once played the closest game in MLOM league history, in week 5 of the 2005 season, with the Birdmen winning 105.98 to 105.94, a margin of just 0.04 points!

Los Pescaderos 78.36 over The Gang 61.69

Like the multiple bench blow-ups, this game too was a throwback to last week and would have fit quite nicely in the greater Week 3 toilet bowl.  What the hell is going on with the Gang?  Coming into this season, the storied franchise only had three stink-bombs in its history, and now they rattle of two straight and three total in only four games this season.  Peyton Manning hangover?  Maybe the break-up wasn’t such a good idea.  Is Papa Roston sitting as we speak, tears in his eyes, carefully taping back together shredded pictures of he and Peyton arm in arm, muttering “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” over and over again, while gently touching Peyton’s goofy face with the tip of his finger?  Manning’s effective replacement in this game?  Highly picked Ryan Grant and his -0.60 points.  Ouch.  On the other side of the ball, the Pescas continue to have success using a Scarface type of approach to MLOM.  First you get the tude, then you get the points, THEN you get the wins.  And they’ve tuded it up to the effect of a 3-1 record and a solid start to this young season.  One concern is that they’ve only topped 100 points just once.  Hell they only scored enough points to beat two of nine teams this week – luckily they were playing one of them.  Regardless, they’re sitting pretty.  Fourth in points.  First in the league (on the division wins corollary).  Interesting side note from this game?  The sweet goose egg from Todd Garbage Heap.  Looks like he’s really pissed he didn’t officially win goat of the week back in week 1 and he’s working extra hard to snag the award.  Keep playing him, Gabe, Commish is sure he can do it.

Fun Fact: Los Pescaderos move to an impressive 8-2 over the Gang, their fourth straight win in the series.

The Rat Pack 129.08 over Crazy Canucks 71.22

Looks like the latest “Battle for Evergreen Terrace” (and Sara’s affections) goes to E-ron, who’s dismantling of the Canucks seemed almost too easy.  The former champs, hampered by a high amount of bye-week players, failed even to field a full team for the game, and relied on the monster receiving crew of Roddy White and Josh Reed alone to do the job – yikes.  On the other side, the Rat Pack have quietly amassed what appears to be the best receiving corp in MLOM at this point in the season, narrowly edging out the Crackheeds.  Commish is running out of ways to praise this team.  Commish’s favorite memory of this game included Commish, firmly tucked on his couch in Manroom, following all games on Stat Tracker, and noticing at some point in the second quarter of the Jets/Cards game that Kurt Warner was actually sporting a negative ELEVEN point score – a score never before heard of in MLOM.  The hilarious kicker to this was that a simple click of the “Bench” tab on the same team showed Brett Favre already at the 28 point mark before the half, meaning a 39 point swing off of one player in the optimal setting.  Furious giggles ensued.  That said, Commish has to take his hat off to old K-dub (an old Commish favorite), who initially tried his hardest, on the back of four turnovers, to win the biggest Goat of the Week (Tm) award ever, but who managed instead to rally significantly and slap up a quite respectable 18 point game.  That means he basically threw up 33 points in a half of football.  In the end that effort saved the Canucks from back-to-back stink bombs, if nothing else.  Nice work.  Perhaps we should have a new award – comeback player of the week?  Nah.

Fun Fact: WIth this win the Rat Pack even the series at 4-4, their last win coming in 2005.  The Rat Pack have scored over 100 points in three games straight, something they only did four times total last year.

The GBP 111.33 over The Mormon Defenders 90.24

Not a bad bounce-back win for the GBP who were still somewhat hamstrung without the services of the iffy Brian Westbrook in this game.  That said, something must be making Jonny G a little nervous because he’s already made a whopping two free agent moves this season, which for that team is a sheer flurry of activity.  Oh to be a fly on the wall in the GBP locker room. Also, the GBP unfortunately might be this year’s 2007 Rat Pack type of team in terms of injuries.  Westbrook is day to day, Boldin is out for now, and it’s only a matter of time before Big Ben is sacked 15 straight times and eventually disintegrates into a pile of dust on the field.   On the other side there’s the Defenders.  Not a terrible game by any means, however if there was a bizarro coach of the week award, it would unfortunately have to go to Norm this week, who managed to field his absolute worst team of available players (excluding bye week players) according to the optimal tab of the Stat Tracker.  Commish advice, never bench Chris “long and distinguished” Johnson, that guy is awesome and fun to watch even if LenDale “Kill” White(y) steals several of his touchdowns.  Also it appears that Norm might be some sort of Quarterback curse.  After slaying Brady’s knee in week 1 he also managed to unhinge Rodgers shoulder this week.  On that note, look for Jason Campbell to have a brutal concussion or something this week against the Eagles.

Fun Fact:  The GBP move to 8-2 all-time against the Defenders.  The Defenders have lost 9 of their last 10 games going back to last season.

Weekly Awards

Player of the Week:

Laverneus Coles – 32.00 points.  Final Stat Line – 8 catches, 105 yards, 3 TDs.   All three TD’s were in the second quarter!

(Runner Up:  Drew Brees, 33.08 points.  More total points, but 30+ from a WR will probably win every time…)

Game of the Week:

LT’s Crackheeds vs. Cobra Kai

Tough call this week, with several games in the same sort of “close” boat.  No true MNM this week.   Commish simply knows more about this game, which really was neck and neck all throughout the afternoon games.  If Buffalo hadn’t gotten that pick for six late, this one would have been really close.

Team of the Week:

The Rat pack

Winners of three straight, highest score of the week for two weeks running, three straight games over 100 points, the Pack are looking long, strong, and down to get the friction on!  Who wants to play this team right now?  Plus their 0.11 point loss in week 1 is all that’s holding them back from sheer league domination.

Coach of the Week:

Jonny G

A strong bounce-back from one of the worst outputs in team history, despite key injuries, and moving his team to 3-1 earns Jonny G this week’s prize.

Good Coaching Move of the Week:

Sep 24 6:45pm Matt Prater (Den – K) Add Free Agents LT’s CrackHeeds

Bad Coaching Move of the Week:

Sep 26 1:47am Jake DelhommeP (Car – QB)  Drop Cobra Kai Waivers

Ronnie Brown Memorial “Put Me in Coach, I’m Ready to Play, Today” Award of the Week:

Brett Favre: 46.12 points  Final Stat Line – 24 of 34, 289 yards, 6 TDs, 1 INT

Goat of the Week:

Ryan Grant: -0.60 points.  Final Stat Line – 20 yards rushing, 2 receptions for negative 4 yards, 1 fumble lost

Ugh, this was the first RB taken off the board in this year’s draft, the “replacement” for Gang HOF’er Peyton Manning.  Ryan, buddy, you’re not winning many supporters.  Come get your horns.

And the new running feature – Power Rankings.

1.  Rat Pack – Most points, probably should be 4-0.  The Pack has never had it this good.

2-4 (Top Tier: No Particular Order)

-Los Pescas  (High on tude, wins, a little short on points)

-Cobra Kai (High on points, low on wins, QB play)

-GBP (Injuries could be a problem, they barely hang on in this tier – for now)

5-8 (Middle Tier: No particular order; the middle tier grows this week – this bunch is hard to figure)

-CrackHeeds (up and down squad has some big stars, and some big holes)

-Poo Fish (Similar to Heeds, Romo and Bush star, plenty of holes after that)

-Birdmen (Record keeps them here, points threatens to push them lower, tough team to figure so far)

-Canucks (Former champs reeling right along with this yea’r Pats.  Commish suspects a 6-7 finish at this rate at best.)

9.  Mormon Defenders (Don’t seem all that bad, but they need wins badly to move up a little)

10.  The Gang (could be a historically bad year for this storied franchise)

Good luck to all teams in Week 5!

Commish

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4 responses to “Commish Notes – Week 4

  • Birdman

    That goat picture cracks me up. Cheers to commish notes!

    Birdman

  • Canuckle

    Commish can you please drop the Canucks into the bottom tier already, I was already with the “Nobody believes in us speech” no I’ll have to go with the not quite as effective “For some reason the Commish still thinks you can do this!” speech.

  • fwats

    Great notes! Dead on analyseees of the Cobra Kai … gotta bounce back this week!

  • Gabe

    Awesome job again Commish. One detail I want to point out is that Iwan’s couch is actually velour, not pleather.

    My prediction for Goat of the Week for Week 5 = Drew Brees!

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