Monthly Archives: October 2008

Commish Notes, Week 8

Welcome to Parity-Ville

After 8 full weeks of the 2008 season, Commish is noticing a few trends.  MLOM is currently resembling a freakish Bell Curve in terms of wins and points.  In the wins department, we have the GBP and Los Pescaceros with 6 wins each, and conversely the lowly Gang with just 2.  Everyone else is stuck in the middle with 3-5 wins.  That’s SEVEN teams within two games of each other, and that’s eight weeks into the season.  Points-wise, we have the Rat Pack (928) and Cobra Kai (915) on a transcendent, Beatles circa Abbey Road level, the GBP (816) a step below (White Album, Revolver), and on the opposite end the Gang with a dismal 654 points.  (Let’s just call them the Monkees.)  In the middle are the other six teams, who range from 725 to 764 points.  That’s SIX teams within 39 points of each other eight games into the season.  Bottom line, a lot of stuff is still up for grabs.  Or is it?  See the next section.

Playoff Watch

Now is the time of year when the playoff picture starts to ever-so-slowly form.  Here’s a couple of truths in the 6-team playoff format:  Any team that reaches seven wins will get into the playoffs, so that is the magic number.  A team or two with six wins will also get in, but they need to be a high scoring team to do so (exception was the 2006 season, when there were 6 teams with winning records, so no six-win teams got in).  WIth that in mind, both the GBP and Los Pescaderos are just ONE win away from locking up a playoff spot more or less officially.  (Think that’s easy?  Well let’s take a quick look back at the 2007 season.  Remember the 6-1 Mormon Defenders (who with a Hulk-like Tom Brady came on the first few weeks of the 2007 season like Sauron in battle at the beginning of Fellowship)?  Well next thing Norm knew, some dirty bearded guy named Isildur was cutting off his ringed finger and boom, there went all his power.  Norm’s poor Defenders dropped six straight didn’t make the playoffs.  It’s a lesson that Jonny G and Gabe would be wise to observe.  It can happen.)  By the same logic, the upstart Crackheeds and the mighty Rat Pack are just TWO wins away from the playoffs.  There are five games left.  Commish would suggest that the GBP, Pescas, and Rat Pack are almost certain playoff guarantees at this point (remembering the 2007 Defenders of course).  The Crackheeds, through a little more luck and the power of Brees, will probably snake one of those spots as well.  (They and the Rat Pack need just 2 games of 5 to be wins to lock up a spot.  The Pack have the talent, and the Heeds play in the Joe Division.)  So by quick logic there are four playoff spots more or less locked up.

Which effectively leaves two spots open for the other six teams.  The Gang?  Commish says they’re cut since they’d have to win at least four of five to think about making it and five straight to guarantee a spot.  (Plus they are terrible this year.)  So that leaves just two spots for five teams barring something crazy happening (or the fact that Commish just jinxed his Heeds big time).   Commish also still feels that the Joes, by virtue of all the intra-divisional games, will lock up at least two spots despite how bad they are relative to Cobra.  So let’s say this.  Look at the Joe Division:  Assuming the Heeds slide in.  That leaves the Birdmen, Defenders, and Canucks fighting for a lone spot.  The GBP and Los Pescas and probably the Rat Pack are also in.  So that leaves Cobra Kai and Brown trout duking it out for the final spot.  Commish has a feeling that Cobra Kai are too strong to not make the playoffs, but at 3-4 they have to be careful.  They have to win 3 of 5 to even think about it, and 4 of 5 to guarantee it.  Can they get on that kind of roll?  Commish says they can, but it won’t be easy.  Two of their five remaining games are against the Rat Pack and the GBP.   Injuries have probably killed the Poo Fish for the 2008 season, especially given the division they’re in, so let’s assume they’re done too.  That means by earlier logic that Cobra Kai WILL in fact make the playoffs (if one assumes that four Cobra teams and two Joe teams make it).  Final appraisal and BOLD prediction as of this week?  IN:  GBP, Los Pescas, Rat Pack, Heeds, Cobra Kai.  LEFT BATTLING FOR ONE SPOT:  Canucks, Defenders, Birdmen  OUT:  Gang, Trout.   We’ll see how it plays out.  Commish suspects that despite his logic above there remains a possibility that Cobra Kai might not get in, leaving three Joe teams and three Cobra teams to battle for the Crown.  Regardless should be an interesting race.  And nothing is certain of course.  As of right now, NO ONE is in and anyone no matter how good they look right now, could still mathematically miss “the show”.

Inter-Division Watch


With the GBP knocking off the Gang in the annual “Elder Statesmen Bowl”, Cobra creeps ahead one game, escalating their winning record to 11-5.  They also retain the top 5 scoring spots, with nary a Joe breaking into the top half, a fact which continues to both confuse and frighten the Commish.  Week 9 is another round of pure inter-divisional battles, so expect more fireworks this week akin to the Battle for Springfield.  The Joes really need to make a statement here or else suffer eternally under the mighty boot of the Cobra legions for the season.  Week 9 and Week 10 feature all inter-division action with the last three weeks only having one inter-division game a pop.  The magic number to “win” the inter-division battle is always 15, so if Cobra takes just 4 more games of the remaining 13, then they’ve officially dominated the Joes for the season.  Does it matter in the end?  Commish says not really, since the Crown winner will almost assuredly be a Joe if the overwhelming trends are to be continued.

Lee Evans versus the Poo Fish

In Commish’s favorite recurring segment (strangely more enamoring to me than the Holmes/Bush trade analysis), we once again analyze Lee Evans versus the Brown Trout receiving core:

Lee Evans – 85.80 points to date (good enough for 9th highest scoring WR in MLOM)

and now the Poo Fish top 3:

Chris Chambers – 56.28 points (35th for WRs)

Braylon Edwards -54.73 points (37th for WRs)

Donald Driver – 49.00 points (41st for WRs)

Of note, the self-proclaimed WR guru Justin Buhr has no wideouts in the top 30!  Even the Crackheeds hellacious WR corps can boast that!

This Week’s Games:

LT’s Crackheeds 95.07 over Crazy Canucks 88.83

Player of the Game:  Drew Brees, 34.74 points

Well it’s officially autumn now which can mean only one thing.  The “leaves” are turning yellow and falling.  Yes, some people might use a rake, but the Heeds prefer to use a broom when sweeping up the (maple) leaves, something they did (“all too easy”) this season.  And poor Iwan is left to lament playing Jake Delhomme over K-Dub in this game.  Did he forget what sort of psychological edge that might give his Canucks over the long time K-Dub afficionado Crackheeds?  Did he not realize that K-Dub’s wife punishes all that go against K-dub, her army haircut and lazer eyes delivering the wrath of the Lord?  Whatever the reason, the Defending champs must be slipping.  Incidentally, how many MLOM Crowns has K-dub been a part of anyway?  At least three and possibly four by Commish’s count.  Perhaps Brees took it personal that he wasn’t held over by the Canucks while “lazy routes” Moss was instead.  Whatever, either way, two of five Crackheeds wins so far this season have come at the expense of the Canucks.  The Heeds now ride a 3-game win streak, tied for hottest in the league.  Sadly for them, they go up against the other hottest team this week, the GBP.  And they do it without Brees.  Well, it was fun while it lasted.

Perhaps the most bizarre subplot was how Dominic Rhodes inexplicably outperformed Reggie Wayne.   What were the odds of that? Also amusing (in retrospect only) was the fact that Brees managed to lose 26 yards on a rushing play on that bizarre time-killing intentional safety at the end of the game.  Did the London crowd get to him?  Did he think he was back-passing to his goalie?  Commish remains confused.  Next up for the Canucks is mortal enemy Cobra Kai – who’s “Lifetime Undefeated” boast must have caused nightmares for years until the Canucks finally broke the mold last season.  Should be a good time.

Fun Fact: The Heeds move to 8-6 all-time (regular season) against the Canucks.  This series has been a sweep for four years running.  In 2007 the Heeds swept the Canucks.  In 2005 and 2006, the Canucks swept the Heeds.

Fightin’ Birdmen 135.81 over the Mormon Defenders 109.70

Player of the Game: Dallas Clark 21.77 points

In another rehash of a week 1 match-up similar to the Heeds and Canucks, the Birdmen and the Defenders went toe to toe once again as well.  Things went nicely for the Birdmen.  They blew up (9th time in team history), got a division win (sweeping the Defenders for the season), and snapped a mean 3-game losing streak in the process.  Rivers is looking more and more to be a fantasy playa’, and LDT returned to his expected form.  Throw in the usual rock-star performance from SUPERSTAR RECEIVER LEE EVANS and an unexpected bonus of Dallas Clark icing the cake on Monday night, and everything is all right, at least for this week, in Birdville.  Even the Defenders can’t be too disappointed.  With Brady-lite Aaron Rodgers on bye the Defenders still managed to throw up a respectable 109 points, making three straight 100+ point games for the Latter Day Champions.  The pressure will be on however, for both of these teams next week, as the Birdmen go Charger-less agains the mighty (and probably angry) Rat Pack, while the Defenders buckle down for a showdown with the gritty Pescaderoes.  Also, Commish requests that Gabe trade Megatron to the Defenders so that Norm can have three “C. Johnson’s” in his lineup all at once:  Megatron, Ocho Cinco, and of course Light Blue Jesus, as he’s known in Tennessee.

Fun Fact: The Birdmen move to 7-3 in the series.  The Bidmen haven’t scored this many points since Week 6 of the 2006 season, when the walloped the Canucks 145 to 93.

Cobra Kai 129.64 over The Poo Fish 57.83

Player of the Game:  Roddy White 26.83 points

Just two weeks ago these two duked it out and the Poo Fish were victorious putting up a very similar winning number of 129.86 points.  This week, well things changed.  Perhaps the biggest story in this game is just how narrowly Little Buhr avoided a monumental stink bomb.  In came down to Monday night, with Rob Bironas putting up 13 points, saving the day and making him the top Poo Fish scorer of the week to boot.  The only other Poo Fisher in double digits was Jeff Garcia with a measley 11.  It looks like injuries are finally catching up with Little Buhr.  Romo is out, Bush is out, Chambers is banged up, Colston isn’t quite back, and so on.   Commish hates to say it, but it looks like the sun might be setting on the 2008 Poo Fish season.  And yes, Little Buhr, you can use that as bulletin board material if you like.  Free of charge.

Meanwhile in the Cobra Kai Dojo it looks like all hands are ready to embrace the newest Kai member, “Rowdy” Roddy White who bought the love of his new teammates with a sweet 2 TD performance.  Possibly he was just starved for attention after riding the Canadian pine all season.  Either way, it doesn’t matter.  His entrance is reminiscent of the rejuvenation provided by up and coming karate superstar Mike Barnes in Karate Kid, part 3.  Like Barnes, Rowdy Roddy has the ‘tude and the talent, and it won’t be long before he’s telling opponents to “make a wish” while telling those same opponents’ girlfriends, “And you – you can dream about me”, before dropping 20 points on their ass.

Fun Fact: With this win Fwats takes the lead in the series, moving his record to 7-6 all-time against Little Buhr. The vicotry margin of 71.81points, though impressive, is not enough to crack the top 10 beat downs of all time.  The current 10th place biggest beat down is at 73.20 points (Los Pescaderos over the Gang, week 8, 2005).  However, both of these teams are one and two on this list, with Little Buhr’s epic Beat Down of Gabe in Week 12 of 2005 (margin of victory: 108.57 points) standing as the greatest regular season victory of all time in MLOM.

Los Pescaderos 119.10 over the Rat Pack 101.56

Player of the Game: NYG Defense – 23 points

Commish was about to ask Gabe whether or not he prefers to buy or lease his E-rons.  Then Commish realized it was a stupid question, because it’s clear Gabe prefers to own.  Yes, for the second time in three weeks the mighty Rat Pack are toppled by the possibly less talented but mentally tougher Los Pescaderos.  And while it’s true that several key Rat Packers were on bye this week, and Stephen Jackson sat out the game with some sort of vaginitis, MLOM remains the kind of league where teams can either put up or shut up.  With this win Gabe retains his Cobra Commander title and once again stays on top of the difficult Cobra division.   He is also now officially one win away from locking up a coveted playoff berth and beginning to plan for the second season.  Interestingly, this marks only the second time all season that Los Pescas have topped the 100 point mark, yet they still have six wins.  Poor Fwats must be rolling in his grave at that stat. Interestingly the Rat Pack suffer this loss with two negative scorers, Edgerrin James and San Francisco defense.  Otherwise they put up a pretty decent game.  This game was their sixth over the 100 point mark, but it was also their first 100+ point loss.  Sadly, despite their impressive season thus far, the Rat Pack are only 2-3 in the division, which could lead to a tougher road down the line in terms of tie breakers and bye weeks.

Fun Fact: Gabe continues to own Eron, moving to 9-3 in the series and now winning six straight.

The GBP 103.86 over the Gang 89.75

Player of the Game: Brian Westbrook – 34.72 points

Kudos to Jonny G who has quietly surface as one of the best teams of MLOM.  Los Pescaderos, the Rat Pack, and even Cobra Kai take all the press, but it’s Jonny G’s week in, week out, workman-like wins that have him nearly at the top of the league.  Sure it’s no impossible feat this season to beat the struggling Gang, but a win is a win, and six wins in eight weeks is nothing to scoff at.  If Westbrook and Big Ben can stay healthy, then this team could do some damage going forward.  The Gang on the other hand, continue to struggle.  They’ve put up decent if not spectacular numbers for the past four weeks, geting over 89 points each time.  Unfortunately, they’ve nothing to show for it except four losses (all their opponents have put up 100+ in that same time farme) and are now working on an ugly five game losing streak.  Luckily, they’ve got three of five games left in the Joe Division where they might grab a few wins and save a little face.  This is a team that has never won less than five games in a season.  Jonny G, on the other hand, is looking good in the scheduling department.  He gets a Brees-less Crackheeds this week followed by this same Gang again in two weeks before closing out with three tougher games in the Cobra division.  Odds are, he’s 8-2 in two weeks and looking to take a top seed into the playoffs.

Fun Fact: Jonny G moves to 4-4 all-time against PPR.

Weekly Awards:

Player of the Week:

Brian Westbrook, 34.72 points   Final Stat Line: 167 rush yards, 2 Rush TDs, 6 receptions, 42 yards

The Jon Fogerty Sponsored Ronnie Brown Memorial Award

Kurt Warner, 29.81 points  (Anquan Boldin was a close second, but K-Dub’s performance would have lifted the Canucks to victory)

“Put me in coach, I’m ready to play…”

Game of the Week:

Crackheeds over Canucks (Always a classic, this was the true Monday Night Madness game of the week with the winning Heeds getting a huge boost towards making a playoff run)

Team of the Week:

Fightin Birdmen. Their best performance since their 2006 Title team, and the franchise’s ninth official “Blow Up”.

Coach of the Week:

Jonny G.  Has quietly brought his team through bye weeks, injuries, and old players to amass a 6-2 record and stay right in the hunt in the uber-competitive Cobra Division.

Goat of the Week:

Edgerrin James:  -1.58 points; Final Stat Line:  17 yards rushing, 1 fumble lost.  Yikes, your playing for the division lead, Edge.  You gotta bring more than that.  Come get your horns.

Power Rankings:

1)Los Pescaderos (6-2, 4th in points) – Stays on top at all costs.  Most impressive is his 4-1 record record in the Cobra Division.

2)Rat Pack (5-3, 1st in points) – Super talented team has lingering concerns about winning big games.  2-3 Division Record is holding this team back.

3)The GBP (6-2, 3rd in points) – Portis/Westbrook backfield is deadly.  League’s hottest team with 3 straight wins.  3-1 division record is also impressive.  If Big Ben stabilizes, look out.

4)Cobra Kai (3-4, 2nd in points) – Roddy White only makes this team better.  Point machine will dominate any tie-breakers when it matters.

5)LT’s Crackheeds (5-3, 9th in points) – Somewhat lucky to be this high, but wins are wins.  Brees and All-Day will push this team into the postseason despite lack of WRs.

6)Fightin’ Birdmen (4-4, 7th in points) – That the Charger’s Defense is a mess is good news for the Birdmen;  It keeps Rivers and company shooting all day long.

7)Mormon Defenders (3-5, 6th in points) – Team has talent, but too inconsistent to scare anybody other than every third week or so.  That won’t get it done.

8)Crazy Canucks (3-5, 8th in points) – Loaded in the QB, WR department.  RB and the rest a huge question mark.  Will need help to make the playoffs.

9)The Poo Fish (3-5, 5th in points) – Without Romo and Bush, and with WR corps seriously underproducing, this team is in big trouble.

10)The Gang (2-6, 10th in points) – Time to play spoiler if and when they can.

Good luck to all teams this week!

Commish


Commish Notes Week 7

MLOM is officially past the half-way point of the 2008 regular season.

Commish has this to say.  He’s tired, overworked, stressed, and Commish notes have been taking up too much time week to week.  So these notes are going to be quicker, and quite likely, lamer, than in the past.  Little analysis.  Minimal research.  No fun facts (save one).  Not even any sentence structure.  No spell check.  No editing.  Hell, I’m too lazy to put up that goat picture this week.  There, now I’ve even stopped talking in the third person.  Oh well. It’s a long season.  Deal with it.  I need to get these things done in about an hour and go back to drinking myself to sleep because my job is currently killing me.

A couple of Quick Notes:

-Joe gets the lone win over Cobra this week, moving the inter-divisional record to 5-10.  Go Joe!

-We have another trade now, Farve and Roddy White to Fwats and Matt Forte (Fortier trading Forte?  that’s fucked up.);  We’ll watch this one in the coming weeks.

-Speaking of trades, the winds might have finally shifted in the infamous Bush/Chambers for Taylor/Holmes trade, especially now with Bush hurt, Chambers hurt, and Santonio Holmes looking like he might just have a slight pulse.

_That’s it.

This Week’s Games:

LT’s Crackheeds 99.96 over the Poo Fish 78.29

Player of the Game:  All Day – 26.18

Commish has talked before about how the 2008 Heeds and the 2008 Fish are intertwined.  Here, in their lone meeting, after the much ballyhooed trade of Bush/Chambers for Taylor/Holmes, neither one seems to be much of a factor.  In the end, Commish supposes that Holmes gets the last laugh at least this week, putting up 9.27 points over Reggie Bush’s 6.06.  No one is laughing, however, at the fact that Bush is now man-down with a busted meniscus.

Somehow through the past few weeks the Heeds have managed to weather the this-team-sucks storm and come out in front of the lowly Joes division.  Can they hold that place for long?  Seems to be anyone’s game.  Why couldn’t the Heeds pull out in front of that division?  With rivals like those in the Joe Division these days, anyone stands a chance.  Plush Commish is proud (and surprised) that the Heeds could pull of a decent game, much less a win without a fully armed and operational Drew Brees.  This truly is a crazy fantasy season.

Commish worries about the future of the Poo Fish, who now face losing Romo until mid-November and Bush for four or more weeks.   Sadly, Commish doesn’t see the Fish pulling out of this tail spin anytime soon, especially in the power-packed Cobra division.

Other highlights of this game include the complete lack of production from the Saints.  Brees at 5.85 points.  Colston lays an egg.  And Bush again goes man down.

Fun Fact:  These two teams once played the highest scoring game in MLOM, despite the error on the MLOM website saying it was the Canucks and The Brown Trout (an error I’ll fix in the offseason).  Total points of that game, 333.56 points.

Crazy Canucks 87.20 over the Fightin’ Birdmen 66.83

Player of the Game: Sammy Morris – 20.50 points

Well the battle for Del Mar Hills Elementary is settled – at least until these two meet again.  For some reason Commish has a vision of this battle, with a crazed Yetti staggering around the forest, smashing trees and deflecting assaults from an impossibly quick and divebombing Birdman.  Than that Yetti lands one critical blow… and that’s what happened this week.

Canucks say goodbye to Favre with a trade, but not before a 2.25 point performance goodbye kiss.  And Roddy White, possibly the most underappreciated fantasy player in MLOM history, riding the Canuck pine the whole season despite throwing up mad points.  Was Iwan rattled with the mocking of Roddy White on draft day?  Who knows.  Also, looks like Shockey got healthy just in time to make some catches and fumbles. On the upside, the Patriots looked alive this week, which more or less sparked the Canucks to a solid win despite looking they were headed for all-time Stink Bomb City.

For the Birdmen a good old fashioned Stink Bomb.  Possibly this is karmic justice for Larry Johnson spitting a drink in some chick’s face.  Hey, at least they’ve got Lee Evans.  He’ll get you some points.   I wonder if Birdman regrets the Peyton Manning pick.  Or is he just biding his time…

The Rat Pack 132.24 over Cobra Kai

Player of the Game: Steven Jackson 36.40 points

Another week, another 100 point loss for Fwats.  The Rat Pack go right back to where they started, mauling peeps and taking names.  Imagine if Jay Cutler had a typical week. Cobra Kai lose again despite being the second highest scoring team this week (and not mention in the league.)

Commish isn’t sure where Roddy White will fit in the Fwats line up.  Who gets benched?  TO? Marshall?  Andre Johnson?  Commish isn’t so sure about this one.  ANd if Fwats didn’t like having the high-TD, high-turnover Culpepper on his team, will he like having Favre any better?

GBP 86.38 over Los Pescaderos 81.88

Player of the Game:  Clinton Portis 21.62

Megatron tried to make it a game, but the Penn connection was back for Jonny G with Ben and Ward hooking up big.  Barber barely gets to 100 yards.  Derek Anderson is not the answer for Gabe and San Diego defense is a let down.  That’s all I got.  Also, this is a huge win for the Pack as they take division control away from Cobra Commander!

Mormon Defenders 110.72 over the Gang 100.07

Player of the Game: Chris “Light Blue Jesus” Johnson – 24.27 points.

Norm snakes two in a row, now he’s looking like the first half of 2007’s defenders.  The Gang lose again, but do manage to break 100.  Jealous Gabe?

OK, quick awards with no analysis.  Commish is really hating himself this week but you he just wants these notes out of the way.

Player of the week:

Steven jackson 36.40 points

Game of the Week:

GBP over Pescas

Team of the Week:

The Rat Pack (yes, they’re back in this spot again)

Coach of the Week:

Jonny G – Taking control of the intimidating Cobra Division

Ronne Brown of the week:

Lendale White – 34 points, 3 TDs

Goat of the Week:

Cotchery – I just like his stat line:  1 reception.  That’s it. 0.5 points;  Jericho (if that is your real name), come get your horns.

And there it is.  Quick and simple.

Good luck to all teams next week.

Commish


Commish Notes, Week 6

Welcome back to Commish notes – Week…….SIXXXXX!!!!

Yup, it’s six weeks down and seven to go here, we’re nearly at the turning point in the 2008 MLOM regular season, and it seems the entire league is in the middle of a crazy Syxx taunt.  Some have pulled the taunt off beautifully, and others are limping around after spraining their ankles.  Some good games this past week, with Norm getting a much needed win, Gabe declaring himself unequivocally the Master of Cobra, and The Birdmen and the Commish both being let down by the Giant Defense.  It remains anyone’s game in the sad-but-true Joe Division, with two teams at 3-3 and the rest 2-4.  That’s right, even the Gang are within 1 game of the division lead.  Yes, that’s just another sign of how bad the Joe Division is.  On the Cobra side, it’s all Gabe, all-the-time.  Despite his inability to score a dominant amount of points, his ability to win games remains impressive and he stands alone atop the league.  The rest of the Cobra Division remains a tight race.  But more on that later.  First we must address the best thing about week six in the NFL.

This Play:

(In case the embedding doesn’t work, here’s the link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aifulCRgQEw&feature=related)

Yes, that’s right, from the “Holy Shit!  These guys are trying to kill me!” Department, it’s Dan Orlovsky making Commish bust a gut.  (Commish must have watched this play 30 times).  I can’t be sure that Dan Orlovsky every played football before taking this snap.  Can someone look this up?   So funny.  Yes, it’s shades of Bob Stevens and his legendary Tecmo loss when he took Raider QB Steve Beuerlein and stepped out of the back of the endzone (in overtime no less).   Though even Bob didn’t manage to spring the hell out of the endzone in such impressive fashion.  The play also manages to sum up the last ten years of Lions football.  Commish’s other two thoughts when watching this play:  1)It’s like a preview of a Quantum Leap episode where he suddenly “leaps” into the QB right as the ball is snapped.  2)It’s like a preview of Roberto Benini movie about “wacky American Football”.  Ah, man, that clip is hilarious.  Commish has never seen anyone sprint out of the endzone like that.  Thank you Dan Orlovsky, for coming into Commish’s life.

OK, back to the rest of the notes.  What’s going on this week in MLOM, anyway?  Let’s take a look.

Inter-Division Watch

It looks like Cobra continues to stay one step ahead of the Joes at every turn.  This is getting to be just silly, like the time the Dreadnoks broke into the PIT and started vandalizing all the Joes’ vehicles.  I mean really, come on.  The 10-4 record of Cobra in inter-division play is impressive enough, but its the clear points domination which has Commish most shocked.  Nothing like that has ever happened in MLOM, and it will be interesting to see how it all plays out.  What Commish can say is that despite the clear-cut domination, at least one of the Cobra teams will not make the playoffs.  That means right now, if things continue at the present level of inter-division beat down, Cobra would send four teams to the playoffs and the Joes two.  The reason is simple – Cobra and the Joes both have too many non-inter-division games so at least two Joe teams will almost certainly have winning records.  A seven win team makes the playoffs – guaranteed.  The six win teams are where it gets interesting.  As far as division rivalries go, Commish did a little research.  And it seems that the two divisions have never really been that close at the end of the season.  There are always exactly 29 inter-division games a season, dating back to the 2004 season, the first year division play was introduced.  We’ve never had an inter-division battle closer than 17-12 in terms of record in the four previous years of division play. Let’s look:  Keep in mind that each column represents the same five teams each year.

2008 season:  Joes 4 wins, Cobra 10 wins

2007 season: Empire 18 wins, Rebels 11 wins

2006 season: Autobots 11 wins, Decepticons 18 wins

2005 season: Ninja 19 wins, Samurai 10 wins

2004 season: Blue Knights 17 wins, Red Knights 12 wins

Analysis:  The current Cobra division has only ever won the inter-division battle once, back in 2006 when the Decepticons let the Autobots have it.  Otherwise it’s been all “Joes”, and of course that’s reflected in the Crown count.  The overall record to date is Joes 69 wins, Cobra 61 wins.  There are four weeks every season of only inter-division battles (all five games), and every other week (9 weeks) with only one inter-division battle.  The scoring issue, however, is uncharted territory.  Commish did not go back and do full research (yet) on this particular subject, but he’s willing to bet that there has never been scoring as lopsided toward one division as in this season.  What’s going to be truly hilarious is when Cobra dominates all season and some lowly Joe snags the Crown.  Oh yes, a Snake Eyes will rise among us and lead us to the promised land.  Just you wait, you Cobra scum.

And now a quick look at Lee Evans versus the receivers drafted by The Poo Fish before Lee Evans:

Points to thru six weeks:
Lee Evans (4th round pick): 55.63 points

Braylon Edwards (holdover): 41.60 points

Marques Colston (3rd round pick): 3.23 points

Santonio Holmes (4th round pick): 35.32 points

(Yes, Commish realizes he is partly schooling himself by putting Holmes up there.)

This Week’s Games

LT’s Crackheeds 106.78 over The Gang 91.08

Player of the Game;  Drew Brees – 37.41 points

From 2001 to 2005 the Heeds and the Gang combined for 4 of 5 MLOM crowns and had numerous big games including two Title Games versus each other (2001 and 2002).   Back then these two once-juggernauts were the envy of the league.  Now…times have changed.  The Heeds have already dropped their two worst performances in team history this season and the Gang, well, the Gang too have seen better days.   But Commish is proud of these two franchises, because in what many assumed could be this week’s toilet bowl, both teams seemed to rise to the occasion just a little and deliver for the fans at home a vision of their former selves, at least to some extent.  It might not have been the epic 2002 Title Game, but at least it was respectable.

Commish is especially proud of the strong work by the Heeds this week, who bounced back from the well documented MLOM depths with a solid win and 100+ points, mostly on the back of Drew “Hercu”Brees.  Thomas Jones takes some credit as well, and seemed to finally justify his high draft pick with a 3-TD performance.  The two combined for 63.19 points.  The rest of the Heeds managed just 43.59 points as a collective.  Normally it’s “All Day” (who’s nickname is quickly becoming “Half Day”) who adds the counter-punch to Brees, but this week it was Jones.  Regardless, the Heeds remain “a couple big stars with some filler” as a team – in other words the perfect formula for a 0.500 season.

The Gang, despite their season’s second highest performance, drop their third straight and continue to spiral down the standings, coming to rest at the bottom of the league.  The once-mighty Gang still have yet to top 100 points on the season, despite putting up 90+ the past 2 weeks, and their overall score certainly reflects that.  The problem starts at QB for the Gang, who this week relied on Gus Frerotte, a man who once celebrated a TD run by head-butting a wall and giving himself a concussion.  The Gang’s WR corps came through this week (50+ points) but their RB tandem did not (11 points).  Worse, Witten and Folk almost certainly take a hit with Romo going down for a few weeks.  Unfortunately for the Gang, things might get worse before they get better.

Fun Fact: The Heeds move to 6-5 all-time against the Gang in the regular season.  Additionally they are 2-1 agains the Gang in the post-season, with both wins being in Title Games.

The GBP 103.44 over the Fightin’ Birdmen 93.46

Player of the Game: Clinton Portis – 27.18 points

Leave it to Jonny G to look to an old pothead for inspiration.  Yes, it was none other than Ricky Williams who was plugged into this game and showed up looking like the 2001 version, even scoring a touchdown.  How much weed was smoked in the GBP locker room post-game this week?  Commish gives a hat’s off to Jonny G and his GBP.  Despite a tough week for byes (Big Ben, Ward, Gonzales, Lendale White) and injuries to two of his best players (Westbrook, Boldin), the GBP banded together and eeked out a tough win against a frisky birdman team.  Who would of thought that noodle-armed Chad Pennington and sixty-three year old Marvin Harrison could have combined for 40+ points just by themselves?  WIth this win the GBP stay well in the hunt for the division, sitting pretty at 4-2.  A nice victory on a critical bye week.

For the Birdmen a tough break to be sure.  Commish must apologize as a Giants fan for the awful performance of the Giant Defense.  No need to rebuke them yourself Birdman – simply turn it over to Papa Stup and watch the beating commence.  What must be concerning for Adman and his Birdman is that despite a pretty effective blow-up by the Chargers, the Birdmen still don’t quite get to a 100 points.  In this game alone it was Chargers players 76 points, rest of Birdmen 16.  Ouch.  Commish just looked at the schedule and it appears that the Rat Pack are the lucky recipient of the Birdmen on the Charger’s bye week.  That said, once superstar Lee Evans returns from his bye next week, all bets are off, and the Birdmen should be just fine, eh Little Buhr?

Fun Fact  The GBP move to 5-3 all-time regular season against the Birdmen.  Adman might have the last laugh however, his Birdmen beat the GBP in the 2006 Title game and took home The Crown that year.

The Poo Fish 129.86 over Cobra Kai 110.77

Player of the Game: Braylon Edwards – 23.77 points

Well Commish has to give props to Braylon Edwards, who managed to single-handedly win this game on his first catch, thanks to a missed tackle by Aaron Ross, when he broke a slant wide open for a huge gain, and thus ended any tension involving Monday Night Madness.  Of course then he went on have a career game against my poor, poor (Defending Champion) G-men and just broke the game wide open.  Kudos to Little Buhr for sticking with his man.  Sure, he’s no Lee Evans but he’s not half-bad.  All Lee Evans trash talk aside (what, don’t think Commish can cram three more Lee Evans references in these notes alone?  Don’t challenge Commish), Commish takes his hat off to the Trout this week for a super performance (and specifically for ordering Romo not to throw any of his TD’s to pouty-pants TO), beating a good team with a solid win and keeping themselves right in the middle of things in the tough-as-nails Cobra division.  They were 0.14 points from an official “Blow Up”, something they lead MLOM all-time in.   With the Poo Fish posting six of nine players in double figures, and no one having less than six points, this performance was more reminiscent of the 2007 Poo Fish, though they also managed to win.  All that said it’s a good thing they won this game because things won’t be getting any easier with Tony Romo going down for a few weeks right as the schedule turns back to beefy division games.

Speaking of old Poo Fish teams, hello 2008 Cobra Kai, Commish would like you to meet the 2007 Poo Fish.  You two just sit over here in this corner, and get to know each other a little.  Commish is sure you will find a lot in common!  How frustrating it must be for poor Fwats, who’s assembled this Stormshadow of a team to somehow end up at 2-4 here six weeks into the season.  (Just for the record the high-score, low-win 2007 Poo Fish were 3-3 at this point last season.)  During Cobra Kai’s two wins, the opposing team has averaged just 67 points.  In the four losses, that number jumps way up to around 128 points.  For some reason most teams (save the Birdmen and PPR) just seem to bring their A-game against the Cobra Kai Dojo.  In fact, Cobra Kai played well enough to beat all but two teams this week (and despite the brilliant deployment of Kyle “Ort, ORT!” Orton – for those of you don’t know what Commish is referring to with that joke, just forget it and know it’s 15 years old and hilarious), and just happened to be playing one of them.  And that’s the third time this season!  Perhaps it’s time for motto change.  Commish Suggestion:  “No Mercy.  OK, maybe just a little.”

Fun Fact:  WIth this win the

Los Pescaderos 99.41 over The Rat Pack 79.97

Player of the Game: Marion Barber – 26.78 points

Well despite the epic trash talk battle and expecations leading into this contest it turned out to be more of a defensive struggle (read: dud).   Suddenly the Rat Pack’s explosiveness was missing – well we knew things had to slow down at least a little at some point, but no one including Commish thought the Rat Pack would drop less than 80 points.   One of the big problems appeared to be fumbles with several players coughing up the football.  Commish must pose the question, do the Rat Pack fear the big game?  Or do they just fear Los Pescas?  (Lifetime record including playoffs 3-9)  Looking at the match-up results it appears the RB, TE, Kicker, and Defense really let the Pack down this week.  Cutler had a sub-par game for his 2008 standards, just 15 points.  All three Rat Pack receivers managed over 13 points however, so that means 55 points come from those four slots, with only 24 points from the other five slots combined.  Guess what?  That’s not going to cut it to be the best in the Cobra Division.  Still, Commish has seen worse games, and “Beast Mode” was on the sidelines with a bye (perhaps that’s what drives this team?).  Either way, Commish expects the Pack to bounce back.

On the other side, Commish wants a piece of Gabe Buhr.  He’s hot.  Isn’t is just like Cobra Commander to find a way to stay in charge despite all the machinations and treacherous plans of his closest advisors?  Yes, it’s true, CC is not the most powerful individual and an organized revolution perhaps could overthrow him.  But he’s shifty and cunning enough to stay on top all the time, even if it leaves others in a modest disbelief.  Yup, that’s this year’s Los Pescaderos.  Don’t get Commish wrong, this is a good team, but a 5-1 team?  Commish would not have thought quite that good.  But then again, here we are.  What’s even more shocking is that Los Pescas havea only managed to get over 100 points once! (Conversely, the 2-4 Cobra Kai have only been UNDER 100 points once – Fwats don’t read that last sentence.)  Los Pescas took this particular contest on the backs of his backs, with holdovers Barber and Gore combining for nearly 47 points.  (Compared to just 10 points from the Rat Pack backs).   David Garrard actually outplayed Cutler and Megatron threw a TD in for good measure.  The end result of all this?  Los Pescas are 5-1, tops in the league, and sport a 3-0 division record to boot.

Fun Fact:  With this win Los Pescaderos move to 8-3 all time against the Rat Pack in the regular season.  It’s their fifth straight win in the series and they haven’t lost to the Rat Pack since 2004.

The Mormon Defenders 111.29 over the Crazy Canucks 79.24

Player of the Game: Maurice Jones-Drew –  28.67 points

Someone pop the champagne!  Oh wait, don’t, this is a Mormon Celebration.  Either way, someone pop something.  Commish is pretty sure that no team needed a win this week as bad as the Defenders.  There must have been some ugly Elder Council Meetings last week (Commish pictures Norm kneeling in knight’s uniform before a half-moon table full of Mormon Elders, trying not to shift uncomfortably when one asks, “So, how’s the season going, brother?”), possibly an inspiration for the Defenders.  Commish must say that he alone believed in Norm.  Look at the voting, and Commish was the lone supporter of the Defenders this week.  And he pulled it off.  MJD, like Frankenstein, finally came to life.  Rodgers is proving he might just be adequate as a poor man’s Brady.  And the sudden disappearance of Santana Moss the last two weeks and the negative one point from Fred Taylor were certainly more than made up for by the explosion of the Tampa Bay Defense to the tune of 26 points.  Can the Defenders use this win to jump start a little run?  WIth a match-up against the spiraling Gang this week, chances are pretty decent.

On the other side the Jeckyl and Hyde Canucks continue the same routine, going Jeckell once again this week (wait is it Jeckyl or Hyde that is bad here?), and still unable to post a score between 86 and 125 points.  This week there were multiple problems from the outset for the Canucks.  First off, Iwan’s sweet pick up ofJets TE Keller really panned out as right after signing with Canucks he promptly laid a goose egg.  Also I’m not sure if Commish’s screen is blurry but it appears that Sproles and Fargas were his starting backfield.  Lastly, and this is hilarious, is that despite being the number 3 scoring WR in all of MLOM right now (no shit – look it up), Roddy White continues to stay on the Canuck Bench.  In fact, White has only made an appearance in the starting line-up for the Canucks just once this season. ONCE.   Commish is going to say that again.  Roddy White is the number THREE highest scoring WR to date in all of fantasy football, and he has only been started once.  Does anyone wonder why this team is 2-4?  Commish rests his case.

Fun Fact: With this win, the Mormon Defenders move to 5-4 all time against the Canucks.

Weekly Awards

Player of the Week:

Drew Brees: Final Stat Line – 26 completions, 4 incompletions, 320 passing yards, 3 TDs, 0 picks, 7 rushing yards; 37.41 points

The Jon Fogerty Sponsored Ronnie Brown Memorial Award:

Roddy White: Final Stat Line -9 catches, 112 yards, 1 TD – 20.97 points

“Put me in coach, I’m ready to play”

Game of the Week:

The GBP over the Birdmen.   Gritty contest rigth down to the wire on MNF.

Team of the Week:

The Poo Fish. A near blow-up, best performance of the week, and a tough and solid win over the high-scoring Cobra Kai.  And so ends the Rat Pack’s streak in this spot…

Coach of the Week:

Gabe Buhr –  All hail Gabe Buhr, the undisputed Cobra Commander.  Not sure how he does it, but all he does is win games.

Goat of the Week:

NYG Defense: Final Stat Line – Minus Three Points;  29 points allowed;  No sacks, no turnovers.

All they needed to do was scrap together five measly points and the Birdmen would have walked away a winner.  Instead, they were embarrassed on MNF against the lowly Browns.  Hey G-men, come get your horns.

(I think I’ve found my favorite goat.  I mean look at this thing.  Ugly, bearded with shit in the beard.  And smirking.  Somehow this sums up the entire Goat of the Week vibe perfectly.  As if he’s saying, “You started me, didn’t you jackass?”)

Power Rankings:

1)Los Pescaderos (5-1, 5th in points) – Yes, the Rat Pack look better on paper, and yes the Cobra Kai can put up tons of points and yes the GBP are finding ways to gut out wins in a tough division and yes the Poo Fish look capable of going off at any given time. And you know what?  Scoreboard.

2)Rat Pack (4-2, 1st in points) – Will be interesting to see how Pack rebounds after big game let-down.  This week, a classic:  Get your backpacks ready, it’s Fwats vs. Eron!

3)The GBP (4-2, 3rd in points) – GBP sit at 4-2, continue to show commish something with tough wins

4)Cobra Kai (2-4, 2nd in points) – It must be frustrating to be in the Cobra Kai dojo, right now, but all Fwats has to do is keep his team focused on scoring points, and wins will follow.

5)The Brown Trout (3-3, 4th in points) – Strong work this week, and right in the hunt.  How will they solve the Romo issue?

6)Birdmen (3-3, 7th in points) – Mediocre squad, but hey good enough in the awful Joe Division.  Commish still predicts a fall.

7)Heeds (3-3, 8th in points) – Brees is top player in MLOM right now, that alone keeping Heeds at least near the middle of the pack.

8)Canucks (2-4, 6th in points) – Jeckyll and Hyde act continues.  They need another win or two and could jump up these power rankings.

9)Mormon Defenders (2-4, 9th in points) – A nice win for Norm’s boys.  A few more of those and we might have a surprise leader in the Joe Division.  They’re only 1 game out.

10)The Gang (2-4, 10th in points) – Could be a long season…

Good luck to all teams next week!

Commish


Commish Notes – Week 5

Woe is Commish.   Or rather, woe was Commish.

Yes it’s true.  Commish was in a pretty deep shame spiral after Week 5.  The kind of spiral so deep that Commish felt like Roadblock struggling to get out of the Pit of Chaos in GI Joe II: The Revenge of Cobra – only Commish was emotionally trapped rather than physically trapped.  And in that pit, Commish battled his own failure demons rather than the hyperaggressive sentient creeper vines which Roadblock faced.  But the similarities are eerie.

Then, something happened.  Commish, like Roadblock before him, climbed out of that pit.  He battled, he picked himself up, got back on his feet.  And he started to move forward again, slowly at first, but clearly forward.  Maybe things would turn out all right.  Just maybe, things would slowly get better.  But before that happened, the scene wasn’t pretty.  No sir, not pretty at all.

In fact, let’s take a quick look at the 5 stages of grief according to the Kubler-Ross grief cycle as experienced by the Commish while viewing the MNF game and realizing the unrealizable was happening – his team was on its way to producing a 48 point game.

Stage 1 -Denial

“I’m only down 74 to 26 going into MNF?  With all my big stars playing?  No problem!”

Stage 2 – Anger

“How the F*CK is Adrian Peterson not DESTROYING the Saints m*th#rf*cking godawful run defense!?!?  Why the F*CK does Lance Moore SUCK??!  Who the F*CK does Reggie Bush think he is?!?!”

Stage 3 – Bargaining

“Let’s see, two minutes left.  Down by 25.  Please, oh please have Brees throw a TD to Moore.  Then put Peterson in to return kicks – and he’ll take that back, and then I’ll never trade Reggie Bush again – and then things will be fine…”

Stage 4 – Depression

Umm, see “Hope Nobody Expects Commish Notes” post on MLOM site

Stage 5 – Acceptance

See Commish Notes – Week 5

And that’s how it happened.  Commish was in a bad place after the game.  A real bad place.  But, then Commish started thinking.  If MLOM can make Commish feel so bad, so incompetent and so worthless as a fantasy GM, then there has to be a flipside hasn’t there?   It’s only because successes in MLOM can soar Commish to such high heights when things go well that it could also plummet him to such low valleys when things go poorly, right?  And isn’t that why we all keep coming back?  To experience those highs that come with the great victories?  Commish says yes.

What’s that Michael Jordan poster quote?

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Exactly.  It’s not how many times you get knocked down, it’s how many times you get back up.

So with that in mind, it’s back on your feet, Crackheeds, and Commish – there’s still plenty work to do.  The show must go on.  The season continues.  This dance is just gettting started.

And with all that motivational mumbo-jumbo said – the Heed’s shitty performance cannot be let off so easily in week 5.  And talking helps.  So here we go.  For the fifth time in recorded league history, a sub-50 point performance has been shit out by an underachieving team.  Here’s the list so far – the foulest, smelliest, most vile stink bombs ever seen:

1.  46.96 – Los Pescaderos,  Week 6, 2001  (Ironically vs. the Crackheeds)

2.  47.71 – The Brown Trout, Week 13, 2005 (vs. The GBP)

3.  48.01 – LT’s Crackheeds, Week 5, 2008 (vs. Los Pescaderos)

4.  48.47 – The Rat Pack, Week 10, 2007 (vs. LT’s Crackheeds)

5.  49.02 – Mormon Defenders, Week 9, 2005 (vs. The GBP)

So this week’s game is the third worst single performance of all-time.   (Thank God for the Buhr brothers.) It’s in the books.  Let’s take a closer look.

Anatomy of a 48 point game

QB – Drew Brees

GM Perception:  Red hot Brees, Monday night, against the so-so Vikings pass defense?  It’s a no brainer

Stats:  26 of 46, 330 yards, 1 TD, 2 picks, 6 rushing yards, 1 fumble – 13.49 points

Reality:  Lance Moore and the officials were actively working to destroy Brees and the Saints.  And that said, Brees cannot take the blame.  This was the team’s best performance.

Harsh reality:  Bree’s last pass was a hail mary at the end of the game – it was picked off for that last minus 3 points to drive the score below 50.

RB – Adrian Peterson

GM Perception: “All-Day” against the godawful Saints Run D?  Sign me up!

Stats: 32 yard rushing, 1 reception for 9 yards, 3.77 points

Reality:  You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.  No, seriously, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

RB – Chris Perry

GM Perception:  Any 20 touch RB in the NFL can’t be bad to start right?

Stats:  31 rushing yards, 3 receptions for 9 yards, 1 fumble lost – 2.35 points

Reality: Yes, it can be bad – very bad

Harsh Reality:  Perry had a 12 yard rushing TD called back because of holding….by Pescadero Housmandzadeh.  Perry also was wide open in the endzone and overthrown by….former Pescadero Carson Palmer.  Twice.

WR – Santonio Holmes

GM Perception – This guy is SO worth trading Reggie Bush for!

Stats: 4 catches for 65 yards, 15 return yards – 6.93 points

Reality – (sobbing uncontrollably)

WR – Amani Toomer

GM Perception – With Plexico suspended, this guy has 10+ targets locked up for sure!

Stats: 4 catches for 64 yards – 6.27 points

Reality – The Giants make a crazy effort to spread the ball around as much as possible for the first time in years.

WR – Lance Moore

GM Perception – Colston out?  Shockey out?  This guy’s good for 2 TD’s every week, right?

Stats – 5 catches for 31 yards – 4.57 points

Reality – He’s not

Harsh Reality – Dropped a perfectly thrown pass from Brees.  No wait, didn’t just drop it, hit it up into the air so that some clunky white Viking LB could pick it easily, as if off taking it off a nearby table.

TE – Owen Daniels

GM Perception – Winslow is on bye.  He should be good.

Stats – 5 catches for 47 yards – 5.63 points

Reality – Nothing particularly wrong with this game considering the topsy turvy TE market.

K – Matt Prater

GM Perception – I need a kicker.  The Broncos score a lot.

Stats – 3 FG, 1 XP – 13 points

Reality – Sadly, the MVP of the team for the day.

Def – Buffalo Bills

GM Perception – K-Dub, though I love him, is good for at least 3 turnovers

Stats – 41 points allowed;  no sacks, no turnovers;  MINUS 8 points

Reality – Remember that scene in Dances With Wolves where that Buffalo gets shot like 15 times in a row from close range after it’s clearly dead?  Yeah, that.

And there it is.  It’s no simple matter to amass a sub-50 point game.  It’s not an individual effort.  It’s a team phenomenon to achieve a stink-bomb of such high order.

OK, let’s move on.  (At least until the Heeds/Pesca Recap below – then Commish will vent some more.  Told you there would be a lot of bitching.)

Inter-Division Watch

Good God.  Thanks to the Canuck’s heroic (not quite Duke like, I won’t go that far; let’s say Gung Ho ish) Monday night performance, the hapless Joes were able to avoid the dreaded Cobra sweep this week.  Regardless, things haven’t been this bad for the Joes since Cobra Commander put those Cubes in place all around the globe, which worked in concert in pyramidal fashion to block out the sun, thus making the entire world dependent on Cobra for energy.

Yes, Cobra Commander is still on all the TV screens demanding the surrender of the Joe team and the free world.  And why shouldn’t he?  WIth the Joes down 9-4 in the series so far, he really does have the world in the palm of his hand.

The Joes really need to get their act together.   Where’s Duke?  Where’s General Hawk?  Where’s Snake-Eyes for crying out loud?  With every Joe team totally out of their gourds like Shipwreck in the Synthoid episode, things are looking bleak.

The Canucks remain the lone bright spot for the Joes this week, being the only Joe team to finally get into the top five of scoring teams.  At fifth place in points, they are just a few points above Los Pescaderos. Other than that, the Joes aren’t worth talking about.

Cobra is woth talking about, however, so let’s see how things break down. Eron, allow me to use my superior knowledge of all things Joe to alter and expand upon your analogy a little.  Let’s meet Cobra – from first to fifth place:

Los PescaderosCobra Commander.  In charge – for now.  But holding on by merely a thread.  Paranaoid of those who would overtake him.  Not as strong as some others, but uses demagoguery (tude) to maintain his slim grip and stay on top.  Always looking over his shoulder.

The Rat PackDestro.  The real power here.  Merely biding his time to take over Cobra and be it’s more powerful, more forceful, more dominating ruler.  Allows Cobra Commander to think he’s in charge – for now…

The GBPMajor Bludd.  One of Cobra’s top lieutenants.  In the inner circle.  Not as powerful as Destro.  But does he have his own plans to rule Cobra?  Time will tell.

Cobra KaiStormshadow.  Incredibly powerful and deadly.  But aloof, distracted somehow.  Focused on individual battles, not control of the division.  Very dangerous.  If he could focus…

The Poo Fish Firefly.  Not a threat to command.  But a very useful weapon at times.  Capable of blowing thing up from time to time.  Then disappears and lies low for a while.  Someone to watch…

Week 5 Games

Los Pescaderos over LT’s Crackheeds 74.08 to 48.01

And now a scene from after the game in the Crackheeds locker room:   Drew Brees walks in, kicks a bunch of water bottles, and sneaks menacing sideways glances at Lance Moore.  Nearby on a bench, Adrian Peterson has a thousand-yard stare.  Chester Taylor stares angrily at the back of Peterson’s head.  “All Day my ass,” he grumbles.  Mushin Muhammad paces and back and forth.  He mutters to himself.  “Sure, keep me benched, I’ll just keep scoring fuckers…”  Matt Prater strides in, tosses a water bottle to Chris Perry, who promptly drops it.  Then Perry picks it back up – and drops it again.  And does it again.  “What’s everyone looking at?” he asks.  Santonio Holmes isn’t paying attention.  He’s looking into a mirror.  “God I look good…”

Well, enough has been said about the Heeds.  What about the Pescas?  74 points?  That kind of output, and especially in the larger context of topping 100 points only once all season, is not the kind of scoring power a team needs to stay on top.  Before Commish’s meltdown, he particularly enjoyed watching Brandon Jacobs blow up, from the comfort of the Pesca bench of course.    It’s true Los Pescas had a bad break with the Edwards concussion (good thing Commish wasn’t high when he saw him hit his dome – that’s not the kind of thing Commish would want to laugh at), but the fact is there are still significant QB question marks plaguing this team.  And Megatron, talent that he is, is stuck on the Lions.  Also, someone explain to Commish how TJ Houshmandzadeh gets those kinds of numbers?  Commish has seen him play a lot, and just doesn’t feel he’s all that talented.  What gives?  Los Pescas are now in 6th place in points though first in the league.  That kind of combination often leads to a precipitous drop down the standings when the other teams catch up in wins.  Will that happen to Los Pescas?  Will it happen this week?  Find out – in Marvel Comics!

Fun Fact:  Los Pescaderos move to 3-4 all time against the Heeds.  From week 3 Commish notes, on the topic of low scoring games:   “Fact is, as high as this game is on the list, we may never see another game like Rat Pack vs. Cobra Kai, week 7 of 2001, only 126 combined points…”    Well, looks like “never” is now, taking only two weeks to arrive.  THIS game is now, officially, the lowest scoring game in MLOM recorded history.  Yup, at 122.09 points, Commish dubs this the biggest Toilet Bowl MLOM has ever seen.  Heeds and Pescas – well done.

Cobra Kai 111.31 over Fightin’ Birdmen 72.76

One of Commish’s favorite episodes of GI Joe featured an epic battle between StormShadow and Spirit, the Navajo Tracker of the Joes.  Spirit had a friend, a Bald Eagle (called, lamely, “Freedom”, as if John Aschcroft had named it).  Anyway, at one point in this epic hand-to-hand battle StormShadow threw a deadly chinese star and it was intercepted in mid-flight by a darting Freedom.  The fight continued, eventually ending in a draw.  Having dubbed Fwats “Stormshadow” and with Birdman being Birdman, I feel the comparison is now too obvious to ignore.  And though that fight in the episode ended a draw, this one didn’t, with Stormshadow laying a beating (but not quite an official beat-down; that requires a 40 point margin of victory) on the Birdman, and his Eagle named Freedom.  It appears Cobra is now officially rewriting Joe history!

The Birdmen have a winning record, and sit atop the meager Joe division for the moment, but they don’t give off the vibe of a particularly good team to the Commish.  They’ve only topped 100 points once, and they’ve been below 85 points three times in five weeks.  The inconsistent at best QB play of both Manning and Rivers is hard to figure, Larry Johnson seems to be in the Turner-the-Burner mold of world-beater one week, egg layer the next, and even LDT seems to be in a funk.  The lone bright spot appears to be Lee Evans who continues to shine, and not to mention dominate Little Buhr’s entire receiving corps by himself.  Commish will cut the Birdmen a break this week, because everyone on his team except for the Giant’s (freakin’ awesome!) defense was on the road.  But Commish will have his eye on this team; the bad news is that the Birdmen don’t look like a division winning squad.  The good news is that they play a damn weak division.

The Cobra Kai Dojo is now 2-3, but are a better team than their record. If they can stabilize the QB position, they will be an unremitting terror in MLOM.  The receiving corps is off-the-chart good, and they have a stable of young running backs, not to mention Willie Parker, that they can unleash based on match-ups.  With Gates rounding out the team at tight end, Commish is shocked, frankly, that this team isn’t 4-1.  These guys could be a powerhouse to watch in the future.  Commish is excited to see how this Cobra division plays out.

Fun Fact:  Cobra Kai move to 5-2 all-time regular season against the Birdmen.  They have a 3-game win streak going in the regular season, however The Birdmen ousted Fwats on their way to the crown in the semi-finals of the 2006 playoffs.

The Rat Pack 130.26 over The Gang 96.26

The Roston battle, always a favorite in MLOM, reveals to us in 2008 two teams at a crossroads.  The once powerful Gang seem to be reeling, the divorce with Peyton Manning has gone badly, and taken a lot out of old PPR’s Gang.  On the flipside, perennial lovable losers (if you love Rats) Rat Pack have grown a pair and have taken the league by storm this year, establishing themselves, in Commish’s opinion, as the dominant team to beat.  It was unfortunate for PPR that Matt Schaub pied out of his start.  Alas, it probably would not have been enough to win, though it would have made this game that much more interesting.  Still, not a bad effort from the Gang – their best this season easily in terms of points.  The Domenik Hixon pick-up was sweet, and Commish must give due props.  Ryan Grant remains, however, the bust of the draft so far, and the Gang receivers, after Plexico, tend to rival the Heeds’ in terms of sheer ineffectiveness.  Still, with Addai, Witten, and some others, things could turn around – a little – for this one awesome team.  With any luck they might even be mediocre this year.

And then there’s E-ron.  His team keeps getting better and better.  First in points easily and breathing down Gabe’s neck for the Division lead (check out that match-up this week), Eron has managed to lead his Pack to more and more points every single week.  Through five games the team is averaging 122.33 points per game – yeesh.  His total points to date?  611.66 – the three sixes are telling, and Commish wonders again exactly what Eron has sold, and to whom, to be this good.  Commish likes to imagine the Rat Pack monster icon as being exactly what Marshawn Lynch turns into when he is in his sassy “Beast Mode”.   In fact, maybe the entire Rat Pack has gone Beast Mode.  Yes, Commish thinks they have.

Fun Fact: WIth this win the Rat Pack break the tie with “Father”, and move to 5-4 all time.  This win breaks the 3-game win streak by PPR; the Pack hadn’t won this match-up since 2004.

The Poo Fish 108.55 over the Mormon Defenders 50.85

Coming in the season Little Buhr led MLOM in two notable things:  1)Overall Points and 2)Beat Down wins (>40 points).   The Brown Trout/Poo Fish/Chupacabra/Romosexuals, coming into 2008, had put up 12 official Beat Downs, more than anyone else.  And this win, too, will go in the books as an official Beat Down, but it has less to do with the Poo FIsh and more to do with the Defenders.  That said, Little Buhr needs wins, and he’ll sure as hell take this one.  Commish is still trying to imagine this team without Bush and Chambers, as they were drafted.  Commish sees now that he was wrong to give them a B- draft grade when in fact a C- seems more appropriate.  But hindsight is 20/20, and “the trade” happened, and here we stand.  And you know what?  The Poo Fish and the Heeds are not all that dissimilar.  Romo is Brees, Brees is Romo.  Peterson and Bush.   Both teams have a couple of big stars and otherwise a whole lot of filler.   Both teams can play spoiler, but neither team scares anybody.  Yes, you might say Commish feels a certain kinship with Little Buhr.  Who knows, maybe there’s even a bikini top bet in the future…

Has anyone seen, heard from, or talked to Norm?  Commish is getting worried.  His last move was two weeks ago.  He doesn’t talk trash like he once did.  Somebody call Norm right now and make sure he’s OK.  Yes, it’s true, Norm has plenty of reasons to be depressed – he has plenty of reasons to want to hang himself with his own shoelaces.  Brady is gone, and his Defenders are struggling.  They’ve dropped 10 of 11 games going back to last season.  And lost in the madness of the Heed’s epic failure this week is the fact Norm and his Defenders only put up 50.85 points.  Yes, that’s right, we were one point away from having two sub-50 points games in the same week.  Oh the shame!  Worse than that, this is the SECOND 50-ish point game by the Defenders this season! What is going on?  Brady goes down, Rodgers gets hurt.  MJD is about as frustrating a player to own on a fantasy team per his value as a draft pick that there is.  And between the Heeds and the Defenders – who together have notched 3 of the top-10 all-time worst performances so far this year, things are looking bleak indeed.  Please, somebody call Norm.  Commish needs to know that he’s OK.  Michael Jordan quote Norm – Michael Jordan quote – the poster is hanging in your gym!

Fun Fact:  The Poo Fish move to 5-4 against the Defenders.

Crazy Canucks 128.85 over The GBP 113.76

Is it Commish or did this seem like the only close game this week?  (Wonder which game will be game of the week.)  Commish gives props to the Canucks for their sassy MNF comeback as a response to Jonny G’s almost-as-sassy SNF comeback just a night earlier.  These kinds of games, and not the toilet bowls and toilet teams above, are what Commish likes to see.   Strong work.  The Canucks, for their part, seem to have quite the Jeckyl and Hyde mentality.  In their three losses, they haven’t cracked more than 86 points and average only 74.82 points.  In their two wins they haven’t scored less than 125 points and average 127.08 points.  That means they haven’t scored between 86 and 125 points all season.  They’re either on the verge of blowing up…or on the verge of laying a stink bomb.  Commish attributes this to their high-profile but seemingly moody receiving corps, who have a ton of talent but have been highly inconsistent to date.

The GBP too have charted a slight up and down course this season, but at 3-2 and with the third most points (and that’s despite a 56 point outing two weeks ago) they seem to be in a good place to focus on getting a few wins, getting to the playoffs, and then making their move.  Unfortunately they play in a tough division and might have a rough go somewhere in the middle, but time will tell.  One possible issue for the GBP is that they are a team of the aged and the infirmed.  Big Ben, Harrison, Ward, Westbrook, Portis, Gonzalez, and Boldin all have age or injury-prone-ness, which may prove to be the GBP’s undoing in later weeks.

Fun Fact: The Canucks move to 8-2 all time against the GBP.  They swept the GBP last year but lost in 2006.

Weekly Awards (Note: Good and Bad Pick ups of the week are going away for now, Commish will try to mention that sort of thing in the text of the games if necessary)

Player of the Week:

Reggie Bush – Final Stat Line: 29 rushing yards; 7 catches for 64 yards;  176 return yards, 2 TDs, 1 fumble lost – 26.22 points

Ugh, this one hurts, but Bush’s performance helped Little Buhr notch up an offical beat down even after the game was won.  And damn was he fun to watch.

Honorable Mention:  Chris Cooley, TJ Housh, Big Ben, Kurt Warner, Minn D, Clinton Portis

Ronnie Brown Memorial Award: (sponsored by Jon Fogerty)

Aaron Rodgers – Final Stat Line: 25 of 37, 313 yards, 3 TD’s, 1 INT, 4 rush yards – 32.11 points

Honorable Mention: Brandon Jacobs (27.43 points)

“Put me in coach – I’m ready to play…”

Game of the Week:

Crazy Canucks over the GBP – Combining MNM with SNM!  (read that any way you want)

Team of the Week:

Rat Pack – Look the Rat Pack is staying here until someone makes a statement that they’re more deserving.  Commish doesn’t care that this is three weeks in a row for the Rat Pack winning this award.  They’ve only gotten better every week.  Hat’s off to the Pack – again.

Coach of the Week:

E-ron – See above.  Commish doesn’t care if it’s boring, and Commish doesn’t care if it’s redudant.  When you have the best team, and then just keep making them better three weeks running, you’re the coach of the week, enough said.

Goat of the Week:

There were definitely some good options this week.  From Robert Royal’s -1.47 points, to the goose egg from Santana Moss, to the no-show from Schaub, Commish had some thinking to do here.  But on the other hand not really.  When a defense gets MINUS 8 points, and those 8 points are the difference between the third worst stink bomb of all-time, and not even making the top ten, the winner becomes all too clear.  Hey Buffalo Bills Defense, come get your horns.

“Kurt Warner and his Kill”

Power Rankings:

1)The Rat Pack (4-1, 1st in points) –  The plague is growing.  Hide the women and children.   Projected wins:  9 or 10

2)Cobra Kai (2-3, 2nd in points) – Too good to keep a losing record for long.  Projected wins: 8 or 9

3)Los Pescaderos (4-1, 6th in points) – Cagey team finding ways to win, enough weapons to stay in the hunt and make a run.  Projected wins: 7 or 8

4)The GBP (3-2, 3rd in points) – Strong start, but age, injury issues a concern.  Could take a fall.  Projected wins: 7

5)Crazy Canucks (2-3, 4th in points) – Enough fire power to make some noise, Jeckyl and Hyde tendencies may hold them back. Projected Wins: 6 or 7

6)The Poo Fish (2-3, 5th in points) – Hot and Cold, need too many things to go right to be a true threat to the top.  Projected Wins: 6 or 7

7)FIghtin’ Birdmen (3-2, 7th in points) – Winning record misleading here.  Commish has a bad feeling.  Projected Wins: 5 or 6

8)LT’s Crackheeds (2-3, 8th in points) – Despite stink bombs, Brees and All Day will steal a few for them.  Projected Wins: 5

9)Mormon Defenders (1-4, 9th in points) – Just can’t seem to win.  Seriously, has someone called Norm yet?   Projected Wins: 4 or 5

10)The Gang (2-3, 10th in points) – Averaging 74.77 points per game.  That’s just over a stink bomb a week.  Projected Wins: 4

Good Luck to all Teams this week.

Commish Mick


Commish Notes – Week 4

They say the NFL is a copycat league and after week 4 that sentiment certainly appears to be true in MLOM as well.

The very week after Ronnie Brown’s legendary (some might even say heroic) bench blow-up, it has become the rage of the entire league to quickly follow suit.  Led by none other than the mythical gunslinger Brett Favre (“I love you Mary – I’ll always be true”), this new fad seems to be catching fire in MLOM like the West Coast Offense did in the 1980s after Bill Walsh unveiled it in San Francisco all those years ago.

Not content with a mere 5 TDs, Brett was more inclined to say “anything you can do I can do better” and proceeded to bust out 6 TDs – a personal best for him – all while on the comfortable pleather cushions of the Crazy Canuck Bench.

And though Favre clearly set (or reset) the standard established just a week earlier by Brown, with his 6 TDs and 46.12 points (had he thrown just another 11 yards to get to 300 he would have easily smashed the 50 point barrier),  he inspired and was quickly followed by some other old time MLOM favorites such as Larry Johnson (31 points), Mushin Muhammad (22.80 points), David Garrard (26.65 points), Edgerin James (21.38 points), and Derrick Mason (16.13), all of whom seemed to say, “Coach – just bench me – and I promise I’ll blow up – just like Brett.”   And though this day belonged mostly to the veterans, even new school rookie Chris Johson seemed moved from the Mormon Defender bench, noting “These guys paved the way, and I honor my elders – I’m good for 20 on the bench too”.  And it’s nice to see the young guys help keep some of the older traditions alive.

Inter-Division Watch

Week 4 was the first of two consecutive weeks of all inter-division games.  Cobra had the 2-1 edge going into week 4, and took 3 of 5 games in Week 4, keeping them in the overall lead with a record of 5-3.  More importantly, every COBRA team is still outscoring every Joe team, an impressive feat, especially when you consider the fact that since 2004 – the year division play begin in MLOM – the top two scoring teams have always come from different divisions.  At this point, Commish is not sure who can step up from GI Joe to keep that streak alive this year.  Luckily, Commish suspects Duke is about to give a rousing speech to the Joes in front of the PIT, and from there on out the Joes will really take it to Cobra, blue lasers flying around, everybody ejecting from damaged vehicles perfectly in time, nobody getting killed, etc., just like real war. Go Joe!

Week 4 Games

LT’s Crackheeds 113.70 over Cobra Kai 93.83

The annual and now famous Stup vs. Fwats saga continued in week 4 with another MLOM slugfest reminiscent of their famous MST3K Quote Off while standing in line for the Big Shot at the Stratosphere in Las Vegas back in 1996.  And though the game was decided before even the Sunday night game set off, it was back and forth all the while throughout the afternoon games, with Gates and TO lighting up the score for Cobra Kai, only to have the Buffalo defense snag a timely pick for six at the hands of hapless Trent Green to help secure the win late in the day for the Heeds.  ( Fwats, allow me to diagnose the red and scarred skin you have as result of this game as a harsh case of “Breezer Burn”, wherein Drew Brees throws 45 times a game, rings up oodles of yards, tosses a couple of TDs, and just heaps on the points.  And he could have been yours.  Two picks prior you selected Andre Johnson.)  The Heeds certainly have a solid foundation with Brees and “All Day”, but after that things get a little iffy for their squad.  TE is OK, but the receivers are as a group highly mediocre of course and Commish doubts that the words “Chris Perry” strike fear into any hearts out there as an opposing running back.  For the Cobra Kai, a tough and nearly inexplicable third straight loss despite being the second highest scoring team in the league.  At this rate, they’ll certainly have the last laugh on the other 4-9 teams at the end of the season with the points tiebreaker.  Of note Turner the Burner continues to dominate weak teams and cry uncle when faced with halfway decent defenses – certainly an interesting subplot to follow.  And where the hell is Andre Johnson?  Surely such a high pick should be doing more damage week in and week out, right?  At this point he reminds Commish of Maverick after Goose died.  He’s just not ready to reengage just yet.  Which leaves Fwats in his office, dressed in his pressed Navy uniform, angled face pondering.  The solution?   “Keep sending him up.”

Fun Fact:  The Heeds move to 5-2 in the regular season all-time against Fwats, and haven’t lost in this rivalry since 2005, now enjoying a 3-game win streak.

The Fightin’ Birdmen 116.98 over the Poo Fish 93.08

Commish’s favorite subplot in this game is the fact that highly panned Lee Evans beat the entire Poo Fish receiving core all by himself.  That’s right, after spending at least an hour defending the Birdman’s rather high pick of Evans against the grumpy-old-man tandem of Justin and Iwan, Commish has to say he’s feeling a bit vindicated.  That’s right, in week 4 it was Lee Evans 14.87, and the Poo Fish receiving Corps. 13.80.   And that even includes a TD catch from the corpse of the holdover known as Braylon Edwards.  In fact, to extend the smack-talk up a notch, Commish notes that Evan’s 37.13 points to date are better any of the three “studs” drafted before Evans by self-proclaimed receiver guru Little Buhr.  The 2008 Birdmen appear content to do just enough to win, and certainly there’s nothing wrong with that.  What are overall points when you can stop, point, and say “Scoreboard”?   In the first few weeks these boys required only a few points, and this week a bit more, but regardless, they sit atop the Joe Division with a 3-1 record.  The Trout continue to try and find their feet, and Commish has faith that led by Romo and Bush the trout can put some momentum together in coming weeks and string together another win or two.  Birdmen’s new look sassy bird logo gets a big thumbs up from Commish. His uwillingness to make a fun bet involving a bikini top gets a thumbs down from the Commish.  But Commish supposes we’ve talked enough about that.

Fun Fact: The Birdmen move to 4-5 all-time regular season against Little Buhr.  These two teams once played the closest game in MLOM league history, in week 5 of the 2005 season, with the Birdmen winning 105.98 to 105.94, a margin of just 0.04 points!

Los Pescaderos 78.36 over The Gang 61.69

Like the multiple bench blow-ups, this game too was a throwback to last week and would have fit quite nicely in the greater Week 3 toilet bowl.  What the hell is going on with the Gang?  Coming into this season, the storied franchise only had three stink-bombs in its history, and now they rattle of two straight and three total in only four games this season.  Peyton Manning hangover?  Maybe the break-up wasn’t such a good idea.  Is Papa Roston sitting as we speak, tears in his eyes, carefully taping back together shredded pictures of he and Peyton arm in arm, muttering “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” over and over again, while gently touching Peyton’s goofy face with the tip of his finger?  Manning’s effective replacement in this game?  Highly picked Ryan Grant and his -0.60 points.  Ouch.  On the other side of the ball, the Pescas continue to have success using a Scarface type of approach to MLOM.  First you get the tude, then you get the points, THEN you get the wins.  And they’ve tuded it up to the effect of a 3-1 record and a solid start to this young season.  One concern is that they’ve only topped 100 points just once.  Hell they only scored enough points to beat two of nine teams this week – luckily they were playing one of them.  Regardless, they’re sitting pretty.  Fourth in points.  First in the league (on the division wins corollary).  Interesting side note from this game?  The sweet goose egg from Todd Garbage Heap.  Looks like he’s really pissed he didn’t officially win goat of the week back in week 1 and he’s working extra hard to snag the award.  Keep playing him, Gabe, Commish is sure he can do it.

Fun Fact: Los Pescaderos move to an impressive 8-2 over the Gang, their fourth straight win in the series.

The Rat Pack 129.08 over Crazy Canucks 71.22

Looks like the latest “Battle for Evergreen Terrace” (and Sara’s affections) goes to E-ron, who’s dismantling of the Canucks seemed almost too easy.  The former champs, hampered by a high amount of bye-week players, failed even to field a full team for the game, and relied on the monster receiving crew of Roddy White and Josh Reed alone to do the job – yikes.  On the other side, the Rat Pack have quietly amassed what appears to be the best receiving corp in MLOM at this point in the season, narrowly edging out the Crackheeds.  Commish is running out of ways to praise this team.  Commish’s favorite memory of this game included Commish, firmly tucked on his couch in Manroom, following all games on Stat Tracker, and noticing at some point in the second quarter of the Jets/Cards game that Kurt Warner was actually sporting a negative ELEVEN point score – a score never before heard of in MLOM.  The hilarious kicker to this was that a simple click of the “Bench” tab on the same team showed Brett Favre already at the 28 point mark before the half, meaning a 39 point swing off of one player in the optimal setting.  Furious giggles ensued.  That said, Commish has to take his hat off to old K-dub (an old Commish favorite), who initially tried his hardest, on the back of four turnovers, to win the biggest Goat of the Week (Tm) award ever, but who managed instead to rally significantly and slap up a quite respectable 18 point game.  That means he basically threw up 33 points in a half of football.  In the end that effort saved the Canucks from back-to-back stink bombs, if nothing else.  Nice work.  Perhaps we should have a new award – comeback player of the week?  Nah.

Fun Fact: WIth this win the Rat Pack even the series at 4-4, their last win coming in 2005.  The Rat Pack have scored over 100 points in three games straight, something they only did four times total last year.

The GBP 111.33 over The Mormon Defenders 90.24

Not a bad bounce-back win for the GBP who were still somewhat hamstrung without the services of the iffy Brian Westbrook in this game.  That said, something must be making Jonny G a little nervous because he’s already made a whopping two free agent moves this season, which for that team is a sheer flurry of activity.  Oh to be a fly on the wall in the GBP locker room. Also, the GBP unfortunately might be this year’s 2007 Rat Pack type of team in terms of injuries.  Westbrook is day to day, Boldin is out for now, and it’s only a matter of time before Big Ben is sacked 15 straight times and eventually disintegrates into a pile of dust on the field.   On the other side there’s the Defenders.  Not a terrible game by any means, however if there was a bizarro coach of the week award, it would unfortunately have to go to Norm this week, who managed to field his absolute worst team of available players (excluding bye week players) according to the optimal tab of the Stat Tracker.  Commish advice, never bench Chris “long and distinguished” Johnson, that guy is awesome and fun to watch even if LenDale “Kill” White(y) steals several of his touchdowns.  Also it appears that Norm might be some sort of Quarterback curse.  After slaying Brady’s knee in week 1 he also managed to unhinge Rodgers shoulder this week.  On that note, look for Jason Campbell to have a brutal concussion or something this week against the Eagles.

Fun Fact:  The GBP move to 8-2 all-time against the Defenders.  The Defenders have lost 9 of their last 10 games going back to last season.

Weekly Awards

Player of the Week:

Laverneus Coles – 32.00 points.  Final Stat Line – 8 catches, 105 yards, 3 TDs.   All three TD’s were in the second quarter!

(Runner Up:  Drew Brees, 33.08 points.  More total points, but 30+ from a WR will probably win every time…)

Game of the Week:

LT’s Crackheeds vs. Cobra Kai

Tough call this week, with several games in the same sort of “close” boat.  No true MNM this week.   Commish simply knows more about this game, which really was neck and neck all throughout the afternoon games.  If Buffalo hadn’t gotten that pick for six late, this one would have been really close.

Team of the Week:

The Rat pack

Winners of three straight, highest score of the week for two weeks running, three straight games over 100 points, the Pack are looking long, strong, and down to get the friction on!  Who wants to play this team right now?  Plus their 0.11 point loss in week 1 is all that’s holding them back from sheer league domination.

Coach of the Week:

Jonny G

A strong bounce-back from one of the worst outputs in team history, despite key injuries, and moving his team to 3-1 earns Jonny G this week’s prize.

Good Coaching Move of the Week:

Sep 24 6:45pm Matt Prater (Den – K) Add Free Agents LT’s CrackHeeds

Bad Coaching Move of the Week:

Sep 26 1:47am Jake DelhommeP (Car – QB)  Drop Cobra Kai Waivers

Ronnie Brown Memorial “Put Me in Coach, I’m Ready to Play, Today” Award of the Week:

Brett Favre: 46.12 points  Final Stat Line – 24 of 34, 289 yards, 6 TDs, 1 INT

Goat of the Week:

Ryan Grant: -0.60 points.  Final Stat Line – 20 yards rushing, 2 receptions for negative 4 yards, 1 fumble lost

Ugh, this was the first RB taken off the board in this year’s draft, the “replacement” for Gang HOF’er Peyton Manning.  Ryan, buddy, you’re not winning many supporters.  Come get your horns.

And the new running feature – Power Rankings.

1.  Rat Pack – Most points, probably should be 4-0.  The Pack has never had it this good.

2-4 (Top Tier: No Particular Order)

-Los Pescas  (High on tude, wins, a little short on points)

-Cobra Kai (High on points, low on wins, QB play)

-GBP (Injuries could be a problem, they barely hang on in this tier – for now)

5-8 (Middle Tier: No particular order; the middle tier grows this week – this bunch is hard to figure)

-CrackHeeds (up and down squad has some big stars, and some big holes)

-Poo Fish (Similar to Heeds, Romo and Bush star, plenty of holes after that)

-Birdmen (Record keeps them here, points threatens to push them lower, tough team to figure so far)

-Canucks (Former champs reeling right along with this yea’r Pats.  Commish suspects a 6-7 finish at this rate at best.)

9.  Mormon Defenders (Don’t seem all that bad, but they need wins badly to move up a little)

10.  The Gang (could be a historically bad year for this storied franchise)

Good luck to all teams in Week 5!

Commish