* Also know as The Wrath of Hochuli
With Week 2 in the books, and with all of MLOM now engaged in an all out brawl with little to no indication as to how the season is going to ultimately play out (everybody is 1-1, except two teams – and we’ll get to those), Commish has several questions he would pose to Commish Notes readers.
-Who are this year’s favorites in MLOM?
-Who’s in trouble? (*cough* Little Buhr *cough*)
-And most importantly, did Gabe Buhr visibly shake and scream “Hoch-u-li” a la Shatner in the fourth quarter of the San Diego/Denver game?
These are just some of the questions Commish sets to ponder as we dive in to the week 2 proceedings.
On to the games.
Mormon Defenders 124.22 over LT’s Crackheeds 86.77
Player of the Game: Aaron Rodgers, 33.80 points
Norm had the perfect excuse to give up for the year, with injuries to Brady and half the Jags O-line in week1. But did he? No. Perhaps looking to the story of Job (Commish likes to think the AD character Gob, not the biblical hero Job) for inspiration, Norm persevered (and hopefully did the chicken dance), and most importantly made the shrewd move of grabbing Aaron Rodgers off the waiver wire. It certainly didn’t hurt that the Saints can’t play defense (Santana Moss might have equaled his points from all of last year in this game). Amusingly, had Desean Jackson not been a jackass and dropped that football in celebration before scoring, this game would have been a blow-up (more than 130 points) and a blow-out (win by more than 40 points). As of now, it just stands as a very convincing win. After losing seven in a row, something tells Commish that’s good enough for Norm. Not much to say about the Heeds this week – a pretty meh peformance all around. We’ll call it your standard let-down game. Commish must say he is curious just how good “All Day” might be if Tavaris Jackson’s presence on the field didn’t guarantee TEN effing men in the box on every play…
Fun Fact: Norm is now 8-5 lifetime regular season against the Heeds, his most dominated opponent.
The Gang 80.81 over The Fightin’ Birdmen 72.62
Player of the Game: Nick Folk, 14 points
U. G. L. Y. This game ain’t got no alibi – it’s ug-lay! Imagine the Commish’s furrowed, disbelieving brow as he looks over sets of mediocre points from players in this game and tries to pick a player of the game before ultimately deciding on the fucking kicker. Let’s look at some numbers. Number of points by all Birdmen running backs, receivers, and tight ends (that’s six players) combined: 25.51 Number of players in this game combined scoring less than 5 points: 7 of 18 Number scoring less than 10 points? 11 of 18. Actual score of this game if kickers and defenses not counted: The Gang – 50.81, The Birdmen – 43.62. You get the idea. Anemic offense, even with great defense and kicking does not good fantasy football make. Lost in the shuffle of this game’s meh-ness is the cover story of Peyton Manning facing his old team. Looks like it’s Gang one, Peyton zero. For now. These two teams are now the two lowest scoring teams in MLOM after two weeks. The weird thing? PPR, because of his 1-0 division record (whereas all other teams in the “Joe” Division have marks of 1-1 or 0-1) , is now on TOP of the division, and technically in second place in the league, despite having the lowest total score in the league! The lesson is: Win those division games.
Fun Fact: The Gang continue to own the Birdmen, upping their record to 7-3 all-time (regular season).
The GBP 145.10 over Cobra Kai 105.14
Player of the Game: Anquan Boldin 33.33 points
Many might be quick to look at Hurricane Ike and the rescheduling of the Houston/Baltimore game as a possible issue here. But look again – even if Andre Johnson had played, he would have needed a 40-point outing to help the Kai smote the mighty GBP. Jonny G’s team is “so hot right now”, and on the back of Boldin’s 3 TD game they record the first official Blow-Up (Team over 130 points) of the 2008 season. This Pack is clicking on all cylinders – they put up 11 TD’s in this game alone, and only had one player (Marvin Harrison) score less than 10 points. Not too shabby. On the other side, the Cobra Kai Dojo remains strong, with one potential huge Achilles’ Heel, Commish must add – the Quarterback position. WIth a combined 2.83 points from the position in two weeks, Fwat’s QB play looks about as good as well-worn pair of Mike Aref’s pants, and one can only imagine Fwats at his terminal in his Mobile Command Center pouring over the waiver wire and trade possibilities, feverishly working to fix the problem. And a problem it is. (Fwats – Mcnabb is on the board.)
Fun Fact: WIth this win the GBP move to 8-5 all-time against Fwats (regular season)
Crazy Canucks 125.13 over Los Pescaderos 85.36
Player of the Game, Kurt Warner, 36.69 points
Relying on ole’ Faithful, K-dub, and after the shrewd pick-up of Scheffler, the Maple Leafs (Leafs? Leaves? I’m confused.) look strong in week 2, delivering the second official Blow Out win of the 2008 MLOM season. Going from Heap in week 1 to Scheffler in week 2 at the TE position might have been the single biggest TE turnaround in league history. The only thing the Leaf’s got wrong in this game was benching McFadden (Kevin Smith really is more talented). Regardless, this game might just represent a solid return to form after their “Super Bowl Hangover” loss from week 1. And Los Pescas? It looks like the rest of the squad can’t keep up with strong performances from Megatron (has everyone seen this guy play? He is fucking ridiculous), the Barbarian (who runs as if he’s Ookla the Mok from that Thundarr the Barbarian show), and Gore. Megatron is emerging as a real leader on this team, which is no surprise given his namesake. But if Johnson is Megatron, who is Starscream? Commish’s early hunch is that it’s Houshmandzadeh. He thinks he’s bigger and better than he is, but when it comes down to pressure time (i.e. Ocho Cinco is hurting and he actually faces double coverage) everyone realizes he’s no better than a typical second banana. Mark that down as a subplot to watch.
Fun Fact: The Canucks are now 6-3 (regular season) all-time against Los Pescaderos
The Rat Pack 126.66 over the Poo Fish 121.04
Player of the Game: Gulp, it’s Eli Manning, 29.49 points (or is it Ed Hochuli?)
Ah, where to begin with this gem? Let Commish pose this question: What isn’t E-ron willing to give up to beat his arch-nemesis Little Buhr? Clearly he’s willing to give up a Chargers win (I mean come on, Ed Hochuli, bad call, next play is a TD to Royal, without which the Rat Pack lose?!) He’s clearly willing to play someone he hates (Eli Manning). Looking at the last three digits of his score, he might even be willing to give up his soul. I suppose, it can be said, he at least wasn’t willing to totally capitalize on the Bolt’s loss. He didn’t play Cutler, who would have earned him 43 points and locked up player of the week. Yes, he beat his enemy, but at what cost, Commish wonders? War is truly hell. And then there’s Little Buhr. Ed Hochuli cost him and the Chargers a win. Or was it Shayne Graham and his zero points? (My how Commish laughed out loud when he saw Graham unceremoniously dumped before even the waiver wire selections were announced.) Or was it holdover Braylon Edwards and his measely 3 points? Whatever it was, please tell me someone filmed Little Buhr watching the end of that Charger’s game and realizing all the repercussions. Please. Someone. If Gabe went Shatner, Commish is pretty sure Little Buhr went Thousand Yard Stare followed shortly by Fetal. Huzzah MLOM! You can’t make this kind of stuff up.
Fun Fact: The Rat Pack break the tie, going 7-6 all-time against Little Buhr.
(Before we get to the awards, Commish apologizes for the relative uncreativity of the Fun Facts this week and will try to spice them up as the season progresses. This was a tough workweek for Commish. (I realize most of you are thinking, after seeing me hang loose in SD, ‘this guy actually works?’ Alas, it’s true, and I was a beaten man this week). That said, I’ve been toying with adding another award to the list below, called “Bad Coaching move of the week”. I couldn’t come up with a good example this week (benching McFadden didn’t seem to be enough, the Canucks still won, who could’ve known, etc.), so I didn’t include it, but I like the idea. We could even call it the “Gabriel Buhr Honorary Bad Coaching Move of the Week Award” in ode to the worst coaching move of all time in MLOM history, that of course being the benching of Marshall Faulk – a Hall of Fame back in his prime on a blistering offense mind you – for a game back in 2001. “Reason” justifying the benching: He is playing against the oh-my-god-they’re-so-scary Miami Defense. It all happened back in week 3 of the 2001 season (I looked it up). Faulk only ended up with 88 yards rushing, 72 yard receiving, and 3 total TDs, so good call on that Miami Defense. To be fair, Los Pescas still won that game, 82-74 over PPR, but still man, utterly ridiculous. One of my favorite moments in MLOM history. Anyway, let me know what you think about said award – I’m serious about wanting to include it – and that wasn’t just an excuse to retell that “Marshall Faulk benching” story.
And now on to the awards…
Player of the Week:
Aaron Rodgers, 33.80 points
With all eyes on him after the departure of Favre..uh Brady from the Packers – uh, Defenders, no one thought he could live up to that kind of pressure, and he delivered in a big way, sealing the easy victory for the Defenders and getting the squad out of a seven game skid.
(Runner Up: Boldin – Receivers over 30 points deserve special mention.)
Game of the Week: The Rat Pack defeat The Poo Fish
Looks like I’ve finally given in to the fact that Little Buhr’s team is actually called the Poo Fish. Regardless, comparing this to the other week 2 games in terms of picking the Game of the Week is like comparing Papa Stup’s physical strength to some kid named Chris’s. It’s not even close.
Team of the Week: The GBP
Jonny G’s boys rocket to the number one slot in the league on the backs of two strong games and in week 2 record the first official “Blow Up” of the 2008 MLOM Fantasy Season. Another no-brainer here. Congrats to the Green Bowl Pack.
Coach of the Week: Norm Hamson
On the heels of the Brady injury, Norm pulls in a potential superstar free-agent to lead his team to victory, in the process ending the now infamous 7-game losing streak. Strong work.
(Runner Up: Iwan Thomas – nice pick up on Scheffler, strong win for the canucks. If only he hadn’t sat McFadden…)
Goat of the Week:
New angle for this week. I’m going to leave it to a vote in the comments. Here are the choices (No write-ins allowed);
-Jeremy Shockey (negative 0.53 points – good for worst score of the week)
-Larry Johnson (1.83 points – against the Raiders?!)
-Delhomme 2.42 points (Dude that’s my Quarterback…)
-Braylon Edwards 3.63 points (from a holdover in a 5 point Poo Fish loss…)
-Ed Hochuli (Cost the Chargers and the Brown Trout a win)
Winner is the selection with the most votes in the comments, ties broken by Commish!
With that, I’m out – Good luck to all teams (except the Birdmen) next week!